It's No Potato Salad

We’re not making potato salad, but we are using a crowdfunding site to raise support for our adoption.

Who knows what number of people saw the Kickstarter campaign for some kid to make potato salad. That’s right, nothing special, he just wanted to make potato salad and asked for $10 on kickstarter. 5,500+ backers later he’s banked over $40,000 for his backyard bbq dish. Believe it or not this is actually a decrease from a whopping $70,000 he raised to begin with!

This is, in all truth, INSANITY! But it represents one of the reasons we chose crowdfunding as one of the many ways to raise support for our adoption. Crowdfunding allows for something that nothing else really does and that is an immediate camaraderie of participants. Who knows why anyone would give actually cold hard cash to a kid making potato salad in their mom’s kitchen on a summer weekday afternoon, but I have a sneaking suspicion it’s a lot of people stuck in a cubicle wishing they had a bowl of potato salad and the guts to post a kickstarter campaign to make it happen. Supporting someone in the pursuit of their goals is enticing, apparently no matter how small the endeavour. Making potato salad isn’t very hard, unless you’re a kid with no potatoes. I can’t imagine what that kid feels like now, but I’m going to guess he feel like a rock star.

Tony and I chose crowdfunding as one of the ways to support our adoption because of this idea. The idea of support. Not only financial support, but also emotional and moral support. There are “dips” in the process of adopting that often leave me feeling lonely and slightly isolated. There are times when the paperwork, travel arrangements, government rig-a-ma-roll and financial burden seem mountainous. These are the times that I am so grateful for my husband and for the real and tangible evidence that we have that other people in our community support us and our child. The idea that someone has invested in this process through a financial sacrifice tells us they are with us. I do know how this makes us feel, and we feel tremendously loved.

These are a few of the incredible women of our "village".

The idea of it “taking a village” to raise a child is not lost on us. From the moment we conceived our first child we have realized that parenting is not done in a vacuum, and thank goodness for that! We find ourselves ever grateful for the village that we have found ourselves a part of over these last 6 years. Our church, friends, family and community have made raising our children a joy in which we take great delight.

I look forward to the day we look back on our kids’ lives and attribute character developments, life skills and spiritual growth to God working through our family and friends. Knowing our kids will likely love the water because of my dad and appreciate art under the tutelage of my sister is exciting. Seeing our kiddos love for Jesus grow because of the influence of God’s work in the life of Tony’s brother and sister-in-law brings us great joy. Learning to co-parent with good friends lends support and perspective we just wouldn’t have alone.

In the same way, I think about the times we will tell our son the story of his adoption. I can’t wait to include the fact that his church, extended family and friends were actively involved in bringing him home. That he was loved before he even knew us, without reservation. That financial support was only the beginning of a lifetime of learning and love from the people who touch his life on a regular basis. Knowing that, I can imagine all of our children will find a place where they are loved and belong.

It’s a little nuts that the amount of money raised for a potato salad is more than the amount even necessary to bring our child home. But, when I really think about it, I kind of love it. It gives me a hope that people really do desire to reach out to each other. Whether it’s $5, $10 or $100 people realize that even a little bit given by the individual adds up to a lot when others catch the vision. And in reality, isn’t that what we’re made to do? 

If you would like to follow our story or join our team of support visit our YouCaring site.
Originially Posted: 7/11/14 on our YouCaring site.

Logistical Tears

We have officially started our Dossier process! Right before we left for a kid-free week away we raced to the post office to send off our 1-800 paperwork letting the US government know what we're up to. If that didn't feel real enough we've since received confirmation of our intent to adopt and a preliminary acceptance from the country of origin.

Last night Tony walked me through our Dossier process and I have to say, if I didn't have the King of Paperwork at my disposal I would be a useless mess. Our agency and Tony have taken a process that would otherwise wreck me and made it look manageable and, in fact, achievable in within the next month before our US government paperwork is finalized. Working with Tony on this journey has been one of the many exposing, exhilarating and lovely things that affirms our decision to adopt.

Thinking he'd gotten me through the hardest part, (organization and planning are not my forte) Tony left me with the FAQ for travel to the country of origin. What neither of us was expecting was that while he was off making cookies I was crying my way through the logistical underpinnings of bringing home our child. I'm not sure why, and when I told Tony about it he actually smirked and said, "You cried through the frequently asked questions of the travel document? That's weird."

That's the thing about adoption. It's not logical and it takes you off guard at every turn. Complete trust and surrender are required, while making sure that all your i's are dotted and t's are crossed. You have to be utterly at the whim of the process and completely perfect in your execution.

As we continue in this process Tony is proving, yet again that he is the unwavering captain. He is stalwart and easy-going. He honestly makes this look easy. And while most of the time I'm right there with him, there are moments when I find myself facing fear, inadequacy and discouragement. I like to think of these times as dips in the process.

I am grateful Jesus meets me in the dips. In theses times He helps me realize I am not capable and if were up to my humanity I'd be tempted to give up. He fills my heart with love and as I lean on Him He strengthens me. He brings me into the light of His love and reveals His good plan. He reminds me that He is not only holding our child, He is also holding my hand.

As we move forward, I ask that you continue to pray for our hearts. We ask for strength and peace. My heart needs patience and perseverance. Obviously we are also in need of concrete physical things.

Dossier paperwork is specific and unforgiving. Pray for clear minds as we finish up paperwork and start compiling our "lives" to send off to be approved.

In addition please pray for funding. We are researching grants however most will not be awarded until after the adoption is finalized and cannot be submitted until we receive our Letter of Acceptance from the country of origin. However most of our balance to Bethany and the country of origin must be paid before we travel. Please pray for wisdom as we proceed and for financial support as we prepare for our son's arrival.

Thank you for your continued support and prayer! We are so excited for the future and we are rejoicing in the process!

If you would like to follow our story or join our team of support visit our YouCaring site.
Originally Posted: 7/1/12 on our YouCaring site.

APPROVED!

 Our Homestudy is approved!!!

Since beginning to search for agencies in late February, to finding our child in March, announcing our adoption to our families in April, conducting our homestudy and educating ourselves in May, we have arrived at June!

We received our full homestudy approval Monday, June 09 and we are so pleased to be able to announce the adoption of our child to our world! Tony and I have been overwhelmed by the response of those closest to us in theses early days of the adoption process and we are trusting God as we move forward in our journey.

Photo credit Haverlee Colyer

The next steps for us involve filing government paper work, filing for and receiving our visas, compiling our dossier of important paperwork with the help of Bethany Services Dossier Specialist and continuing our adoption education. We are still unaware of what our exact timeline is, but because we have an identified child we expect the process to run quite quickly. It is likely we will travel within the next 6 months to bring our child home!

Tony and I have seen God work in amazing ways throughout this process so far and we are continuing to trust Him in the impossible. Through the generous support of close friends and God's provision we have been able to stay current on all of our payments to Bethany up to this point. We are now waiting for paperwork to go through and more funds to be raised so we can move forward. We continue to trust that as we move forward God will provide as necessary. We invite you into this incredible process and humbly ask for your support both financially and through prayer as we continue.

Please pray for smooth processes both with the US and with the country of origin. Pray for discernment for Tony and me as we press on in the areas of family development, connectedness in our marriage and readiness for the changes that lie ahead for our family. Pray also for wisdom in our finances and provision in this area.

We also ask for special prayer for our little one who is so far from us. Pray for those working with our child that they feel loved and cared for as they care for our child. Please ask God to comfort our child with real and tangible human touch. Pray also for the physical care and nourishment of our child.

Most of all we ask that you rejoice with us in a God who loves so desperately! Our hearts are filled to overflowing by the love and grace of Jesus and we are so excited to welcome the gift of this child into our family!

If you would like to join our to follow our story or join our team of support please visit our YouCaring site.
Originally posted: 6/12/14 on our YouCaring site.

Growing Through Love

 Over the last few years we have been walking a journey with Jesus that has lead us to places beyond our imagining. God has faithfully pursued us and has filled our hearts to overflowing. It is out of this overflow of love that we are excited to welcome a new member into the Chiaramonte family.

photo credit Haverlee Colyer

While our hearts have been drawn to adoption, it has been unclear the path we would take. God opened the door to our child through Bethany Christian Services' "These 400" program. "These 400" is a database consisting of children waiting to be adopted around the globe. There are many reasons children are considered "waiting children", among them are special needs, advanced age, or sibling groups.

We had no idea what we would encounter as we browsed the list of children and fully expected that a match for our family would take some time. We were unsure where God would lead us in terms of age, gender or country of origin, but we knew where to start...so we did.

It didn’t take long for God to lead us to a specific child that Tony and I both felt drawn to. We have now been preliminarily matched with this child and we are beginning our home study process with Bethany. We are so ecstatic and cannot wait to continue this journey towards bringing this child home to our family, friends and community.

Due to the nature of the waiting child program, there are strict privacy policies regarding the children listed. There are many details we are excited to share however, in order to protect this child, we are bound by a code of confidentiality with Bethany and the country of origin. We will update as often as we have new information that we are able to share. Please check back often as our prayer needs will certainly be great!

To follow our story or join our team of support visit our YouCaring site. 

Originally posted: April 8, 2014 on our YouCaring site.

God Kisses

(photo credit tablespoon.com)

I have a thing for curly hair. I have always wanted it. Curly hair, is to me, the power behind cool girls. It represents carefree ease and simplicity in a way that flat ironed, highlighted, blow-dried hair just doesn't. For some reason I see freedom in those twisted tresses.

If you weren't aware of this, hair is a pretty big deal. There are vast markets based on these dead cells that grow out of tiny follicles stretched over our skulls.  It's weird when you think about it, but hair matters. Ask any man who's loosing his, he'll tell you. Well, anyway, hair matters...to us.

I never thought for a minute that my hair matters to God. Chop it, twist it, color it, flatten it, pin it who cares?! Not God!  I never got up in the morning and asked God, "what should we do with this pile of old skin today?" It really never entered my mind. Until it did.

Workin' my hair for all it was worth '05 (left) '08 (right)

Until I was pregnant, and then wasn't, and then was again, and then had a baby, and then began nursing, and then I was pregnant again, and then I was nursing and pregnant and then I had a 2nd baby and then all the hair that I had grown and lost and grown again started to pull at my scalp. Hi! I had really put my body through a lot, and it's not like I was done. I chopped my hair and started growing it out again, and when it was just at the longest it had ever been...you guessed it. Pregnant again.

Now, my hair is thick! It takes 15 minutes to blow-dry when it's short, when it's two feet down my back and fueled by super pregnancy progesterone it's impossible. Add two toddlers and a giant belly to this mess and I couldn't even stand up long enough to make it look decent in a top knot.

gradually giving up my need to control '10 (left photo credit Abby Thompson Flies) and '10 (right)

In a weird way God was breaking me. Not just the hair, it was everything (see crazy paragraph above). I was a baby making, milk-producing machine. Living off hormones and chocolate, unable to tie my own shoes. In all His majestic ways, God was bringing me to my knees before the throne. He asked me to give up everything I could control so that He could show His great power. Not the least of which was my hair.

Of course there is so much more to this story than my hair, but all that for another day. Today it's about the hair.

After my 3rd child arrived in all his 9lb. 6oz splendor, the bloom of my long locks began to fade and it was eventually time to relinquish my crowning glory to the cutting room floor. It may not have been awesome but at least it was a good security blanket. I chopped 9 inches off in one sitting and returned back a second time to snip off another inch or so. I was free and light and...curly.

I never really put this into a "God" category, which is ridiculous in and of itself, but this morning as I was getting ready I really felt like this curliness is a gift. Not to say that I pleased God enough that He granted my wish of curly hair. I don't believe God is in the wish granting business, but I do believe He knows me. He knows my heart and my desires. He knows my body and my chemistry. He knows everything about me and sometimes He chooses for all those things to come together to impress His love upon me. My mom has always called these "God Kisses" and I think that is really the right term for it.

 (photo credit candidlypretty.blogspot.com)

James 1:17 says "Every generous act and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights; with Him there is no variation or shadow cast by turning." When trying to shrug off the feeling that my curly hair is a "God Kiss" this verse came to mind. Curly hair is so trivial, but it's generous of God to think of it. It's so meaningless, except that it is a perfect gift to a girl who's always dreamed of it. I never prayed for curly hair, or thought in anyway I would have naturally curly hair (intermittent perms do not count as actually curly hair) In some way I feel like it's God saying to me, "This is you. You're free. Enjoy it."

Mostly I think this is a "God Kiss" because He's enabled me to see it as such. Until this morning I've just scrunched up my hair and not thought a second about it, but for some reason today was the day I realized what's going on here. God is revealing Himself to me. He's reminding me He's cares about my deepest thoughts. He's telling me I'm His and that is what makes me good.

All my hair could fall out tomorrow, every stitch. I honestly would not care. In the great scheme of things my hair doesn't matter. What matters is that I serve a God who goes down deep into my heart and loves me well. Who remains good and goes to great lengths to remind me I am FREE. He knows every hair on my head, and for now, He's made them curly.

Little me circa 1992

Down Deep

It was 5:56AM when I heard my firstborn son call out this morning. "DAD! DAAAAD!" It is important to say that his 3 year old sister was sleeping soundly in the bunk directly beneath him. My husband sighed and said, "is he calling me?" (Uh, duh?!) I didn't answer and he eventually got the deal and headed up the stairs.

5:56AM is early, I'm not sure if you know this. And it is even earlier for a pre-menstrual mother of three children under the age of 5. It is even earlier when your 8 month old baby wakes up at 6:15AM wanting a bottle, your 3 year old rouses groggily at 6:25AM and your loving husband is out the door by 6:30AM to head off to his newly minted workout regime that you don't love so much. Oh, did I mention I was still sleeping off the Unisom I took last night so I could sleep through hormone induced insomnia. This day did not start well.

As I was lying in bed trying to muster the strength to open my eye lids and grasping at who I could be mad at, God spoke gently to me. We have been memorizing 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 as a family and this morning God calmed my heart with His Word. "Be joyful always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."

This sums up our life most days

I have to admit, when God calls me to His word I am often annoyed. I want to dig in my heels and be selfish, sluggish and angry. I want to act like my 4 year old and thrash against the logic that is presented to me through God's loving words. I want to, in short, be human. But God, through His Word and through the sanctifying work of Christ calls me to become come out of mere humanity and enter the life giving fray of His will.

Through the years I have learned to accept the call to memorization and meditation. To allow the words of God to sink in deep into my heart and begin their work. I have realized that rote memorization and the carrying of note cards tucked in my Big Bible are not helpful to me, but application of Scripture to my circumstances is changing my heart. Working out the words of God in my day to day existence has proved to me how real and delightful and life-giving they truly are.

So as I laid in bed this morning I prayed "God make me joyful. God help me to turn to you in prayer. Thank you God that my children are healthy and happy and secure. Thank you that you have a will for me and it involves joy, prayer and thankfulness. Oh, and God...do this day for me. Please help me get out of this bed!"

His Word is truth and it never comes back void. Case in point. I am awake. I am writing. I am living in the very words of God through Christ Jesus, the living and active Word of God.

Now if you'll excuse me. The baby is awake, and I'm sure he needs to be fed.

Getting it Right

Shortly after Christmas my family had our pictures taken. This year I decided not to allow myself to think about it, knowing if I did I would stress and wind up hating every photo because of the undo pressure that would force a tense smile. I can always read the uneasiness behind my own eyes in every photograph. In fact the photos of myself I love the most are the ones taken right before or after each of my children has been born. There is no expectation of perfection, just the sweet mixture of joy, exhaustion and peace.

Needless to say, despite our photographer friend's immense talent, I was not looking forward to thumbing through images of frizzy hair, lazy eyes and double chins. Imagine my surprise as I clicked through the downloads of the session filled with sly smiles, laughter and personality. Then it happened. **Click** Oh. My. Goodness. She got it. A picture of myself and my daughter, Leilah, in a completely real moment in time. Lovely. Then **Click** Perfection! Leilah and I have a fun and silly relationship and these two pictures captured our relationship so fully. Our good friend had gotten it so right.

 

photo credit Laura Wills Photography

I love this concept. Getting it right. So right. Like the right that you want to tap into your phone, take a picture of and post to Instagram. I feel this kind of right when I make my kids a really good breakfast. I always want to take a picture of the eggs, toast, yogurt and smoothie and brag to all my online besties about what a good mom I am. Something like: "When you've got it, you've got it! #bestmomever" (although I'd never use hashtags. Women 30+ are forbidden to do this, at least that's what my husband tells me). The affirmation would pour in and there I would be in my legging clad, slippered glory relishing the praise and jealousy of lesser mortals.

And while I think this self-aggrandizing practice has gotten out of hand in my own life, I do think there is a real precedent for bragging, especially in the heart and mind of a Christian. Shocking, I know, but scripture is pretty clear that bragging is permissible and even encouraged. 

Paul speaks numerous times of boasting the Lord (2 Corinthians 10, Romans 15, Galatians 6, 1 Corinthians 1) not to mention the entirety of the book of Psalms and the proclamations of God's prophets such as Jeremiah and Ezekiel. In fact, I think it could be argued that every major Biblical character boasted at some point or another about the work of God in their life. Of course, the giant glaring difference between our social media self-pep talks and the Biblical practice of boasting boils down to the subject of our praise and the manner in which we deliver our message of glory. 

I have noticed than in many circles of Christian community the trend is to downplay our holiness. Inasmuch, as I often find myself and others focusing on the pitfalls of sin and then entrapment of  daily life rather than rejoicing in the victories of Christ in our hearts and the freedom of Jesus in our lives. While personal growth and exploration in our journey of Sanctification is right and good, so also is rejoicing in the finished work of our Justification and the realization of Christ-likeness in our lives on a daily basis. I often think we don't brag because we are too prideful. We have exchanged the humility of knowing who we are is because of Jesus for the pride of "choosing" Him, therefore we do not speak of the things "we have done" in our Christian life instead of embracing the goodness of who He is in us. Our internal pride keeps us from external praise.

I love it when another believer tells a story of "getting it right": finding a solution they would not have thought of because of the renewing of their mind; taking action they had never even dreamed of before submitting their will to Jesus; loving someone they had written off because of a renewing relationship with the Savior of the World. Restoring relationships. Living radically. Changing. All because of Jesus. We should be rejoicing in this! A hurting world would be drawn to a leader who restores us to what we were meant to be. Everything He created us to be. 

The confounding joy of Jesus is that He has made us perfect because of His perfect love and sacrifice, and He is guiding us to the realization of that perfection in time. This is the joy of our Salvation! A God who is bigger than anything else and is working in bigger ways than we could possibly imagine. We should shout that from the mountains. And not in a depressing minor key, but in a way that really relates joy!

In his book the Art of Self-Forgetfulness, Timothy Keller reminds us that if we have entered relationship with Christ, and if we are choosing to follow Him, He should be the cornerstone of every decision, every thought, every breath. Therefore, if we are disliked or causing offense, it is not us but Christ in us who is the subject of the negative emotion. In the same way, I think we must remember that if we have this kind of relationship with Christ then every positive should be attributed, as well, to Christ. Our freedom is then to boast because we are boasting in the Lord. 

The reason I am so happy with this year's set of photos is not because I dressed my family so well. I did not. It was not because we are exceptional models. We are not. It was not because the setting was so undeniably picturesque. It wasn't. It is because the photographer got it right. Being a family friend, she knows us. She captures real moments. She edits well. She does her job superbly. The photos are good, not because I'm so awesome but because she is.

The same is true for my walk with Jesus. My life is not awesome because I am so organized. I am not. It's not abundant because I seize every opportunity with vigor. I don't. It's not redeemed because I have brought myself out of the darkness. I have not. It's because God loves me and Jesus has made a way for that love to burst into my heart and overflow every vessel and seep out into a world that is being restored to perfect relationship with Him. I will boast in that, #Hegotitright!

photo credit Laura Wills Photography