An Unacceptable Future

There are three times in my adult life I have known, in that moment, my life will never be the same; when we lost our first pregnancy, the birth of our first child, and yesterday. 

Each moment carries with it its own seismic shift. Sitting in the pre-procedure cubicle tethered to an i.v. on the day of my DNC I knew I would never be a mom who had not lost a child. I would forever carry with me, as a part of me, ingrained in me, the pattern and flow of loss. Part of my identity would be scarred my loosing. Because of this, all of me would always know grief.

Watching the faces of my parents and in-laws as they told jokes and laughed at the far end of my birthing suite before the final stages of labor I felt the weight of the path I was about to take. As my husband tended to our guests, shooing them at the appropriate time I knew who we were would never be the same. We would never again be just the two of us. We would always have a great responsibility to another. After this moment, we would never not experience parenthood. We, who had been two, would be forever three...or more!

And yesterday, when I sat on a crinkled section of butcher paper as a neurosurgeon inspected our son's spine and an orthopedic surgeon formed his hands into joint and socket to explain the damage to our son's hips, I knew. Even as the rehabilitation doctor explained that this initial surgery would only be the first of many all I could do was stare at his tie, covered with farm animals, half tucked into the space between the 3rd and 4th buttons of his shirt because I knew, my life would never be the same. I will never not be the mom of a child with Cerebral Palsy. Our life as parents, as a couple, as individuals all changed course yesterday.

It may surprise people that this all came crashing into my consciousness yesterday. It was over a year ago we met our son for the first time in a courthouse in China. We knew then he couldn't stand on his own much less walk unassisted. More so, it was over two years ago when we first saw his photograph, the description of his "special need" and accepted the tug of Jesus on our hearts to pursue this boy. We have always known that CP is a part of him. Until yesterday, I didn't realize it was also a part of me.

For the past year we have been searching for answers from doctors, therapists, MRI techs and teachers. We have prayed and waited and anxiously hoped for the day that our son would take his first unassisted step, or stand on his own. Yesterday we found out this day will likely never come. 

I sat there staring at my husband, who was staring at the floor, as the doctors told us that, left untreated, our son's muscles would twist his bones so severely he would likely end up in a wheelchair. That in order to stop his brain's assault on his body he would require major spinal surgery followed by multiple orthopedic procedures throughout his life. That the best we could hope for was to maintain his current level of assisted walking with his walker That maybe, if we're lucky, he'll be able to use crutches. My heart broke. Moreover, my plans for the future, for mythical hiking trips and typical days in the park or walking through the mall exploded in front of me. The life I didn't even know I planned on living blew up yesterday. 

You would think on the day your life explodes your reaction would be despair. And while everything I'd ever thought about my family life scattered into oblivion, just a quickly a new, hopeful and exciting future flashed before my eyes. I realized how hungry for answers I'd truly been. How much I wanted someone to tell me anything about my son that would make sense of what was happening to him. I realized that I'd been waiting for a future that would never come and pressuring my son beyond the capabilities of his body. Yesterday someone told me exactly what I needed to hear. A prognosis that I'd been afraid of set me free to love my son just as he is. 

A few months ago I met with an incredible woman who has spent 20 years of her life raising a child with Cerebral Palsy. As we cried and laughed and raged together at the disorder that has changed our lives she said something to me that was so profound. I asked her how do I accept this diagnosis? How do I live a life with CP? She looked me in the eye and told me "How do you accept the unacceptable? You don't." What she said gave me permission to mourn what I had lost. For months I have held on to the freedom to mourn. Yesterday, on the four hour drive home from the hospital these same words have given me the freedom to hope. 

How can you accept the unacceptable? You just don't. However, the unacceptable is part of every life. Our son's story has so many unacceptable chapters; abandonment, institutionalization, Cerebral Palsy, each with it's own set of implications that could easily break him and us as we choose to parent him. The unacceptable is a part of him, and of us. Each of us has unacceptable chapters, moments, years, decades that define us, that change us, that seek to break all of us. 

The beauty of this realization is that brokenness doesn't stand in the face of the Creator who healed the lame and set the demoniac free. The Savior who's spit and dust cured the blind man and who's breath brought a dead girl back to life is the same Redeemer who heals our brokenness and turns our unacceptable tragedies into hope for the future. 

Yesterday, when the course of my life changed in the face of brokenness Jesus reminded me He doesn't see it as broken. He sees it as beautiful. He has invited me into His healing work and He is healing me through it. The work of redemption is in the hands of His children working together to make beauty of ashes, hope from fear. In short, the Kingdom is coming on earth as it is in Heaven. In my living room as it is in the throne room. In my heart as it is in God's heart. 

As we move forward as a family I have more clarity on what my life will look like. It's doubtful this life will be easy. It most likely will include family vacations to Children's Hospitals instead of State Parks. We we likely spend more of our time in therapists offices than at soccer practice. I predict all of our children will see and understand more about bones and nerves and brains than the average adult. However, I'm not discouraged. I feel - challenged - and I like a challenge. 

Yesterday my life exploded. Today a new life starts. This life will be different than my expectations. It will try me. It will take work and planning and sacrifice. It will be full of joy and hope. It will overflow in love. We will uncover the Kingdom. And it will be good!  

7 Things to Consider on the Road to Special Needs Adoption

** Earlier this week I was asked by an other adoptive mom to lend some advice while considering a special needs referral. While I'm sure what she was hoping for was a three paragraph encouragement note, what she got was what is written below: a full-on blog post. As we were preparing for our own journey down the road to special needs adoption these are things we considered and received encouragement in. It is my hope that you will find as much encouragement in reading it as I found in writing it!**

Adoption is a wonderful and beautiful picture of God’s love. Early in our process we spoke with a couple who has adopted 7 children internationally and she told us, with tears in her eyes, “It is like the Gospel played out in our living room every night.” This has been our experience and we are so grateful to be a part of God’s living and breathing Kingdom here in our own family.

I could literally write a book about our experience; but it all boils down to this: This is hard, but it is the best kind of hard I will ever experience, and we would choose it again and again. Our life is not easy, and I would say very few people in our life can understand what we are going through in these early days. No two adoptions are the same so it’s difficult to find others to process with that can get what we’re going through. We lean hard on each other and even harder on Jesus.

We have seen the Kingdom of God burst into our family and on our hardest days God reminds me that this is what He’s done for us. He’s brought us into His family to make us whole. Even if our son never understands this metaphor, God has made it so clear to us, He’s fundamentally changed us through the adoption of our son. We would never give that back.

I think the best way to help you understand the decision you are about to make is to outline a few of the factors that played heavily into our decision. Every family is different and every individual is different. So here are a few things to consider:

1. How are you made?

For us, it was clear that we were made for adoption. We thrive in change and in chaos. We love children and we have a lot of capacity for love and growth. Were we fully prepared for the challenges of parenting an adoptive child with special needs? No. But we have the willingness to learn and our life goals lined up with the expense, time and commitment it takes to raise a child - any child, no matter what.

2. What is your motivation for adopting?

There are so many schools of thought for why a person should adopt. I’m not sure it matters at much what your motivation is, as it is that you know it! For us, our motivation for adoption came from revelation in our own journey with Jesus. He had made it clear to us that we were to enter His Kingdom work through fundamental life changes that are rooted in who He’s created us to be. The realization of this truth about ourselves makes the hard days worth it. When our hearts are heavy or our backs are sore we get to come back to the truth that we are made for this.

It should be said that “saving” a child probably shouldn’t be your primary motivator, as there is no promise this child will ever improve, ever accept the love of Jesus, or ever be “grateful” for you as a parent. Especially in special needs adoption, I have to come back to Jesus and the work He is doing and has done in our son’s life. My motivation then becomes to simply share that love and truth with my children instead of my success being dependent on their change.

3. What resources do you have?

Consider your support system, your insurance coverage, your community support and your financial status. These things should factor into the larger picture of who you are and what you can handle. We have a lot of support from family and friends and great community support and great insurance coverage. Our finances are fair, but honestly, I would say this has been the least of our worries and one thing that we gave to God early on. We have seen Him provide in ways that don’t even make sense and we realize that because adoption is His plan for our family, He will provide what He’s promised.

4. How much can you handle? What if it’s more? What if it’s less?

Having a fair idea of what you can handle is important. As we were deciding what degree of special need we could handle we knew it was important that a child be able to feed himself, vocalize, maintain eye contact and have some degree of mobility. By watching videos of our son we were able to ascertain this information, but to be honest, meeting him was still a shock. He was so much stronger and smarter than we expected, but had so much less use of his legs. We thought we had scrubbed ourselves of expectations, but they had snuck in. There is no way you can anticipate what your child will be like, even with a clean medical history, there can be surprises. The good news is, you can do it! Especially if your expectations are tempered and your mindset is one of the Spirit, you CAN adapt!  

5. How flexible/responsive are your biological children?

It is important to take into consideration the temperament and flexibility of your biological children. Our children were 5,4, and 1 when we brought home our son. We have a wide range of personalities and needs in our family, but one thing we knew is that our kids are used to change, and what they weren’t used to they would adapt to, with a bit of coaching. Our oldest son is very rigid and likes things predictable, our daughter is carefree and easy going, and our youngest is, well, a toddler - so, you know - . We took these personalities into consideration and then gave great thought to how an adoption would affect them and if we would have the capacity to monitor their emotional development along with a special needs child. There are days I feel I am failing, but then my daughter will say something so Spirit inspired I can’t help but recognize that the living out of the Gospel in our family is teaching them beyond any words I could say.

6. Are you ready to fail?

Let’s be honest, we’ve been home for 3 months and about 40% of that time I feel like an utter failure. I don’t think I’m doing enough, or I’m doing too much, or I can’t keep going, or I’m losing my mind, or my body is going to give out or my kids are going to resent me, or our son is never going to improve. There are days I go to bed utterly defeated. There are times I wonder what we’ve done and why we’ve made this choice. The failure sometimes feels debilitating, so having a coping mechanism is key. Prayer, Bible Study and Meditation are all important, but God also has given us physical ways of working through our own hesitations about our abilities. Good friends and set aside time with your husband will help put into perspective what you will inevitably feel.

In order to deal with feelings of failure I’ve had to find new ways to express what I am good at. This is a work in progress and it is hard to carve out time for investing in my own esteem. There will be days you feel like you are underwater, I’m not going to lie. But the days you feel like God is working are worth it.

Last weekend we received a letter from our son’s doctor outlining his prognosis and care plan. It was a medical document, but what it told me is that we are succeeding. He is making progress, he’s learning to speak and eat and gaining independence. It is clear from the outside that this adoption is succeeding, even though from the inside I feel I can never do enough. It’s a forest for the trees problem, but when I take a step outside of myself I can see that in all my misgivings and shortcomings God is working in my heart and my family in extraordinary ways.

7. Are you ready for your life to change?

Your life will change. I thought I would be super ready to accept another child into our home. We already were thriving with 3 and everyone said adding a fourth was easy. What no one really realizes is that adding an adoptive child with special needs is like starting all over again. You have to rearrange your life, cut down activities, simplify your life. We had done this with the addition of each child into our family, but we went full on slash and burn with a lot of activities in order to accommodate the change in our dynamic when our son came home. It is hard, but it is freeing. We don’t feel obligated to do anything and what we do participate in is because it’s beneficial for our family and our marriage and those around us. We have learned the art of saying “no” and “please” simultaneously. We are still learning what we can handle, but we are getting a grasp on it.

In all the crazy ways your life will change, the best and most compelling is the way you will see the love of Christ burst into your family. Every day there is a moment where I say, “I can’t believe I get to be a partner in the Gospel.” God has given each of us a special gifting. We are all made for something. If adopting a special needs child is what you feel equipped for, then you should do it. Even knowing it is hard and heartbreaking.

The benefits of adoption so far outweigh the hard parts. The heartache is worth it. The life change is deep and rich. Your life will never be the same. And though you might long for it to be easy for just one moment, you won’t regret making the choice you were designed for.

Last week I was reading in 2 Corinthians 6 and Paul says to them, “Our hearts ache, but our joy is deep.” This is what adoption is. A deep ache for the wholeness of Jesus here and now and the profound joy that His promises are true! His Word says what He promises He will provide and that His commandments are not burdensome. He is good and His goodness is made known to our hurting world through the hearts of His people.

There are a lot of great resources about most special needs online. Honestly, I would not focus on the diagnosis as much as what you do know about your particular referral. If you have videos, look at them. If you have medical records, try to make sense of them. Every special need ranges so much that it’s impossible to know from a vague diagnosis what you will be encountering. Ask as many questions as you think you need to so that you can feel comfortable, while realizing you may never have the answers you hope for.

I have spoken with people who are thriving in their special needs adoption and I know of a couple of families who have disrupted their adoptions because they felt their child could be better served in other ways they couldn’t provide. In all these stories, God has shown Himself faithful. I have learned, when we are listening to the Spirit of God and we are resting in Him, we cannot fail. Even if we make what seems like a mistake, God is in the business of restoration. He will always champion for His children and we can rest in the truth of His promises.

5 Ways to Ask for Help and 5 Reason Why You Should

Today I read an article on some parenting site that made my heart sink. The general gist was the author could not and would not ask for help in the wake of giving birth. This new mom may not have meant to come off sounding like she expected the rest of the world to understand her needs and meet them without having to ask for help, but that's exactly how it sounded. The most telling remark was her admission that her "control issues" wouldn't let her ask of others what she so desperately needed - HELP!

I remember the early days of parenting my one newborn baby and how I felt the world should just "know" what I needed. I felt like I was drowning and everyone else should see my needs and meet them. I realize now that was incredibly immature and self-centered way of thinking. My friends, my family, my community, even my husband couldn't read my mind! They had no idea what was going on in my head - to be honest neither did I.

Well, three babies and one adoption later I have LEARNED to ask for help. It didn't come easy because I'm not a delegator , I'm kinda a control freak, and I don't want anyone else to see my inefficiencies. In short, I want to seem like the mom that has it all together. NEWS FLASH: NO MOM HAS IT ALL TOGETHER! And the ones who do are the ones who have learned they need each other to make it work!

So you don't know where to start and your at a loss for how to even begin being vunerable enough to ask for help. Here's 5 ways to begin giving up control and living in the freedom of true community:

1. Embrace your inefficiencies! I don't know where we got this idea that we have to be and do EVERYTHING. No one has every skill under the sun. In fact, the most successful people realize they have one or two specialized skills and run with them. Successful people are people who appreciate the gifts of talents of others and are not jealous of them. When you realize the gaps in your own personality and giftedness you give others the opportunity to love you well.

2. Ask for help with what you hate! You know what I hate? Cleaning my bathroom, folding my laundry, putting sheets on my bed. You know what I'd say to someone who came over to my house to visit my baby and ask what they could do for me - "Change my sheets, switch my laundry, clear the dishes out of my sink." I'm a horrible organizer and I have friends who are awesome at it. I'd ask them to organize the changing table, or put away some gifts I've gotten in efficient ways. I'd have them take a garbage bag full of clothes to Goodwill or fold my husband's underpants.

3. Ask for help with things you love! I love being around people and drinking coffee with my friends. After so many babies my friends know the absolute best thing to do for me is bring me a coffee and sit on my porch and talk to me. They text me encouragement and they pray for me. These are the balm to my soul that I've asked for and my friends have answered with! They know, if the day is bad, all Katie needs are words of encouragement.

So what do you love? Movies, music, TV, sleep? Let your friends provide that for you. Ask for a Blizzard, or a RedBox, how about an hour of cuddling the baby while you sleep? Everyone wants to cuddle your baby and by month 2 of non-stop contact, you will probably want to sleep or take a shower without that kid!

4. Take people at their word! One thing my husband has taught me over the years is to not let people BS you. He's much nicer about it, but really he means, if someone says something - believe them! If they say they want to clean your bathroom - let them! If they want to let you take a nap - okay! If they want to bring you a meal or do your dishes or clear your dishwasher, or bring you coffee, or take your big kids or help you in ANY WAY - LET THEM DO IT! If they didn't really mean it in the first place, they'll learn their lesson, and if they did, then you've just killed two birds with one stone; you've gotten something done and you've proved to yourself that your friends there for you!

5. Keep a running list of practical things you need! When we brought our son home from China I had a little list of things I need from the grocery store on my counter. When a friend texted me saying she was running to the store and did I need anything, I promptly replied, "baby carrots". She texted right back, "done. text me 10 more items and I'll leave them on your front porch." Because I was prepared I knew just what I needed and 30 minutes later there was a bag on my porch. When you become self-aware without the self-pity you're able to say what you need and not feel bad for it. I once made a friend wait outside the grocery store in her van beside my van watching my kids while I ran inside to get breast pads. All because she asked "what do you need" and I said, "I need breast pads, and I want to get them myself."

Know this, your friends and family are not trying to trick you. They don't want to catch you in a need so they can say "Such-and-such is soooo desperate right now!" They want to help you! They want to love you! They want to show you how exciting they are for your life change.

There are a millions reasons to ask for help and accept the help offered to you. Here are 5 of the best:

1. Your Spouse! Guess what? Your spouse loves you, and he kinda misses you. You are not the same after having a baby. You are emotion, hormonal and pouring all your love into a little human he doesn't know very well. While you're trying to hold it together to keep up appearances, he's trying to hold it together for you - picking up little pieces of you along the way.

If your spouse is not around, physically or emotionally, let me just say I'm so sorry. Give yourself extra room in this area and allow your family and close friends to love you all the more through this time. Don't try to tough it out on your own, you will make yourself crazy.

If your spouse is around but feels distant, may I suggest it's because he just doesn't know what to do. There is no manual for a postpartum wife. He is experiencing as much change as you are and he needs your support as well. Lean on each other, ask what he needs and tell him what you need. Don't make each other mind-readers - you both stink at that. Be honest and open and help foster your post-baby marriage.

2. Your Friends! The best friends I have ever made have been my post-baby friends. I am certain of one thing - we would not be so close had we not needed each other so much. We needed advice and playdates and venting sessions. We need the gifts that each other has that we don't. We need each other to watch our kids and bring us meals.

We love to do this for each other because there is an intense fellowship that happens when you are vulnerable with each other. We love each other because we know each other's weaknesses and strengths. We've built bonds on our needs and we each love each other more because of those needs.

If you don't have a group of close friends to lean on try a few different sources: parks and playgroups, church, bible studies, book clubs, or library story times. Reach out to people in your spheres of influence and begin with being the friend you'd want to have. You'd be amazed how many people just want what you want.

3. Your Other Kids! Your kids don't need you to be strong they need you to be real so that when they're 26 and drowning in diapers and formula they know how to reach out and ask for help. Do them the great service of showing them that we all need each other, and it only makes our lives richer to help and ask for help as well. Plus, they'll probably get some fun playdates and new friends out of the experience as well.

4. Your Self! Uh, duh! Not only will you get your needs met, you will also learn A TON about yourself. Asking for help has a way of stripping us raw. We realize our need for others and that's uncomfortable. We also realize that others are willing to meet our needs and love us just as we are. All of these revelations are at once freeing and humbling. But we should be humble - and we're made to be free.

5. Your Future! The more you express your need for help the stronger a community will rise up around you. You will be amazed the things you are capable in your life once your support system is running well. You will be able to reach out to others, help your friends and family in your own unique ways and venture out into the world in your own area of talent and gifting to help those who cannot or will not help themselves.

Six years ago my husband and I started asking for help when we needed it and a month ago we brought home our 4th son, a 3.5 year old from China. We would NEVER have been able to do this had we kept to ourselves and quietly and resentfully expected others to do for us without opening our mouths or hearts.

We've been able to pour into others in ways we never expected and have others pour into us. Our life is deep and rich because of the reciprocal aid that has been doled out and used up and replenished in renewing cycles for the last 6 years.

When I am feeling dry and barren I now know to ask myself, where do I need help and where do I need to give it. We all have times we will need each other. We all have times we will extend our hands towards someone else. Don't lay yourself down on the alter of martyrdom when you don't have to. Start asking for help, open your mouth, open your heart, open your hands. When you can, you'll return the favor, and the cycle will start all over again!

10 Activities for An Adoptive Toddler in Country

When packing for our trip to China to pick up our 3.5 year old son the last thing on my mind was toys. I thought of medicine, toiletries, clothes, diapers, shoes, socks, books, and DVD's but not once did I think of what we were going to do for hours on end with a new child in our hotel room, in waiting rooms and on buses for long stretches. I kind of just figured he'd be along for the ride and too overwhelmed to really get excited about anything I brought for him. Plus, as a mom of three kids already I knew that it would pretty much be a shot in the dark as to what he would like and what he wouldn't. I wasn't about to waste precious bag space on a "no-go" toy.

Well, I was dead wrong! Our son was active and exploring from the moment we met him. We brought a book, a bottle of water and a toy car to the Registrar's Office the day we met C. What a joke! He downed the water, turned his nose up at the "toys" and downed 2 CLIFF bars before our time there was over, which all in all was about 15minutes. It's a good thing he was one of the last boys to arrive, otherwise our time in that place would have been a nightmare! Once we arrived back at the hotel it was clear, this kid was going to need something to do...STAT!

Because it's not that easy to understand what you need in the moment, and because getting what you want in country is not always possible, there are a few things I wish we would have had that we just didn't. For the sake of my sanity if we ever decide to do this thing again, and for those who will travel after us, I thought I'd compile a list of some of the things I now know C loves and would have benefited from during our trip.

Just to give you a little context, C was 3.5 years old, his medical records indicated cerebral palsy, and we were unsure of his language abilities, though it seemed as though they were sparse. When we met him, it was clear he did not have the use of his legs for walking, but could crawl and pull to stand. While the CP also affected his arms and hands, he had extremely adept fine motor skills and liked to use them. We also knew from word one that he could speak - Mandarin. And he could speak well! We will not be surprised if when he starts speaking English he tells us he could also read. This kid is SMART! He needed a lot of stimulation and providing that was crazy hard in country.

So, here's a list of the things I wish I would have brought that I know he likes and take time and energy to play with. They would have been worth their weight in our suitcase. I would have sacrificed my second pair of shoes for them, and probably a pair of jeans too!

1. Crayons/Marker/Colored Pencils and Coloring Books

It was not long before we found out that C could color and loved to do it, which was a surprise because we didn't even know if he could hold a pencil. Almost immediately upon arriving back at the hotel we found a pen and a piece of paper thinking it may occupy him for a minute or two. He spent nearly an hour drawing on the hotel notepad! We were able to find a coloring book at a nearby park, but because of the rate of coloring this kid enjoyed one was not enough. We found every available surface to draw on everywhere we went. Coloring books and crayons would have been a lifesaver!


2. Construction Paper to Tear

It was also clear that he LOVED to tear things. He literally tore through every package of Kleenex we brought within the first 2 days! Construction paper would have given him a choice to draw and tear if he wanted to. The stimulation tearing provides him at home is a good indication that it would have been a good thing to have for stress relief after hard days. I would even suggest snagging a paper cup from the hotel and keeping a few pieces of construction paper in your bag so that your child can tear and sort during wait times and car rides.

3. Pom Poms

C is an incredibly sensory child and when we returned home one of the things he first gravitated toward was pom poms. He could practice his fine motor skills, feel a new texture, and sort into cups and containers little puff balls. It was kinda the holy grail of activities when we returned home because it provided a physical way for his brain to sort out what was happening around him. We bought these cute panda bear chopsticks in China and it would have been a perfect activity to pinch and sort pom poms all afternoon.

4. Toothpicks in a Salt Shaker

This sweet little activity was one that I always avoided because it seemed to simple to be affective. However, I've found that shaking toothpicks out of a salt shaker and threading them back through the holes can provide a lot of stimulation for C. This $2, lightweight activity would totally have been worth it.

5. Micro Cars 

Another couple in our group had a son the same age as C. Honestly, from day one I thought they were complete geniuses because they filled a small tupperware container with micro cars and let their son carry them everywhere. I have to admit, I was totally jealous as their son sat nicely playing with his cars in meetings, waiting rooms and car trips. I'm sure their experience was different than this, but from my outside perspective those cars saved their sanity. 

6. Legos

Sticking things together and pulling them apart provides C with a lot of relief. It is clear his brain processes it's surroundings when he can have control over at least some part of his environment. When we came home he spent large amounts of time playing with the Duplo block wagon we have. It was clear there was some reordering happening in his brain as he played. A of mid-sized Legos would have provided him some sensory relief in confined spaces like buses, cars and planes. 

7. Post-its 

We brought little notebooks with post-its inside as gifts for our tour guides, etc. On the final leg of our trip we knew we would have a couple left over so we let C go to town. He LOVED it! Tearing, sticking, ordering, resticking, coloring, rearranging; it was the perfect sensory activity to allow him to sort through his surrounds and maintain some sort of control. There were stickies all over our hotel drawers, and it was so worth it!

8. Playdough

Even one canister of playdough would have done the trick in country. If you haven't sensed the theme yet; sensory activities are so important for kids in transition and especially children with spastic CP as it provides and outlet for their muscular tension.  Playdough is a daily staple in our house after or before stressful activities like naps or intense people time. The squishing, poking and tearing (of course) helps C calm down and simply enjoy an activity. Plus, it's a great stress reliever for Mom and Dad too!

Somethings we did bring I was so glad to have:

9. Books 

We brought several board books with us and purchased a couple in China that had Mandarin and English words on them. Both types of books were incredibly helpful and the Mandarin picture books helped C express his needs and learn some English. It was a great way to communicate through pictures and spend some lap time together just snuggling.

10. Flash Cards

I purchased these flashcards from Amazon and I'm so glad I did!

 

I planned on using them when we arrived home, but as soon as we arrived back at the hotel C opened them up and started asking questions. He quizzed my husband over and over about what things were called and taught us several Mandarin words by pointing and verbalizing; I told you this kid is smart!

An extra bonus was the fine motor activity of dumping out all of the cards and replacing them. He spent a lot of time working on getting the cards in just right and fitting the top back on. The cards are durable and the box stood up to his playing. 

Bonus 

Fun Fun Elmo!

 

Our major find before we left for China was Fun Fun Elmo on YouTube. This is an animated version of Sesame Street that features 9-12 minute videos of Elmo practicing Mandarin words and phrases, plus counting and songs. Several times it was the only thing that calmed C when he was having a fit. We think that having some Mandarin was soothing to him. He loved Elmo and called him the "little mouse". We downloaded all of the episodes for the plane ride home which was also extremely helpful! A huge plus was my husband and I were able to learn a couple of songs in Mandarin and we also learned to count and how to construct several characters. It sounds silly, but Fun Fun Elmo was a huge help to us as well!

Good luck in your packing and your in-country travel! Remember, you'll be home soon and all of these great toys will help your little one transition into your normal family routine!

Letters From China Pt 5 - Finale!

Hey all!

 

After an incredibly difficult 24 hours we are resting in the hotel before departing for Hong Kong this afternoon, a trip we were not sure we were going to be able to make.

 

We went to our Visa appointment yesterday at the Consulate and were waiting for the group before us in a different location for roughly an hour when our tour guide came running up to us and told us to come quickly. We rushed through the streets as she explained that the world wide computer system was down and she was going to try to get us into the appointment before us to take our oath so that we could possibly get our Visa before we were supposed to leave the country. If you think that sounds confusing and like an incredibly big deal, it was, and it is!

 

When we arrived down the street at the Consulate they wouldn't let us in and told us there was no way we could get our Visa appointment that day. Our very calm and collected guide turned to us and said "Prepare for the worst." I looked at her and said, "Give it to me straight, Shiyan, what is the worst." Her reply...."I don't know." NOT GOOD!

 

As we waited for the other group of families already inside the Consulate Shiyan, our guide, tried to help us make plans in the case that we were not able to leave the country, suggesting even that the husbands could return home to the United States and the wives could continue on after our Visas were complete. This was not comforting as to me this meant at least another week in our hotel room, possibly without Tony. I began to mentally prepare how we could get Roman, Leilah and Jericho over to China with us - my brain shifted to survival mode. We were all panicking, especially because Shiyan had told us on our way to the Consulate that in the decades she's been doing this the system had only ever gone down twice.

 

We left the Consulate with no information and no guarantee we could be seen, at all. All the information we had was, the system is down, it's a worldwide shutdown, we don't know when it will be up again, go back to your hotel, wait.

 

Needless to say, we came back to the hotel and I lost it. Cairo fell asleep in the van on the way back so while he slept I pretty much fell apart. Tony comforted me and then got to the business of finding out what was going on. Apparently, there was some sort of security breach and the system had to be rebooted. Something about Russians and email...I don't know.

 

We went to bed only knowing that we could be seen the next day, Tuesday at 3PM to take our oath, maybe. The visas take 24 hours to turn around and our plane leaves Wednesday at 11AM. We did the math - we were not leaving - not Wednesday at least.

 

In the morning we got up slowly, and went to breakfast where we were greeted by another family, "Did Shiyan find you? We are all leaving at 9AM. We are getting our appointments". 

 

We ate fast, changed and met everyone in the lobby, unsure if the system was working and if we would get our Visas in time.

 

Well, we've had our appointment and they assured us at the Consulate that they will not leave the building until our Visas are prepared. Shiyan is scheduled to pick them up today at 3PM so we can leave for Hong Kong, where tomorrow we will board a plane at 11AM to fly home. 

 

We are hopeful the Visas will be ready today and we will be able to travel as scheduled. Thank  you everyone for your prayers and encouragement. This is, in fact, the most difficult thing we have ever done. We can't wait to get home and begin our "new normal" with Cairo in our family. 

 

We can't wait to see you all and introduce you to this amazing boy who is worth every single second of hardship!

 

Love you guys!

 

*After this email we did receive our Visa's on time and we were able to travel to Hong Kong on our orignial schedule. Below is the final email I sent before leaving China:

 

We are about to board our plane home! See you SOON!

 

*The plane ride went very well, considering we were traveling 14 hours with a 3 year old. We had a wonderful flight attendant who spoke Mandarin that doted on him and helped us put him to sleep by rubbing his hands and feet. We landed in Chicago and had to drive home (our other option was a 10 hour lay over). The drive wasn't that bad considering it was the first time Cairo had ever been strapped into a car seat and he did NOT love it. 

 

The next two to three days were spent acclimating everyone to each other and struggling with jetlag. I could do a whole post on jetlag and how horrible it is. I think I will. However, once we hurdled that bump in the road things have been going well. We are still making sure to keep things regulated and we can't wait to get back to church. The older kids are back in school and I have been able to do some short outings with Cairo and Jericho during the day. We are slowly working back to normal and we are grateful for all of our friends and family who are helping us along.

Thank you so much for your prayers and support. We have felt every prayer and have benefited so much from the generosity of others. Thank you for loving our son so well! I can't wait to update more as normal sets in!

Letters From China Pt. 4

Thanks for all the prayers. After a short flight ending in a long tantrum we arrived in Guangzho on Thursday night. Cai was asleep by the time we got to the hotel and couldn't find his bearings in the morning, resulting in another epic fit. The two back to back coupled with the grueling schedule left this mama ragged. Then during breakfast, when I was at the end of my emotional strength another couple from our group brought down their daughter and sat at the table next to us. Their daughter screamed all through breakfast and the mom let me know this was happening regularly. I know it sounds weird, but that cry was music to my ears. We're all in this together.

 

We went to his medical exam with this couple and one other couple and on the way there and back we all talked about our difficulties and triumphs over the last few days. It was incredibly nourishing and set us out on the right foot for the rest of the day. Cai did great at the appointment and loved talking to the doctors and our tour guide. He fell asleep in the van on the way back and took a long nap.

 

After nap we took him down to the playroom they have here and let him loose! He LOVED it and we saw his true kids self. Loving, playful and so so SO smart! He has definitely learned to compensate for the inability to use his legs and has amazing reasoning skills for a 3 year old. After renting a stroller (YAY!) we enjoyed our time as a family and had a great afternoon exploring the city (which is another story all together).

 

 

Thank you for your prayers. We are feeling great today and Cai is doing very well. He woke up happy and ready to play and we are learning how to manage his frustration. 

 

Continue to pray for good sleep, communication and physical strength! 

 

Love you all!

Letters from China Pt. 3

Hey all!

 

Thank you for your encouragement! It has been a whirlwind couple of days laced with bittersweet moments and fatigue. 

 

Monday night he slept and slept, solidly through the night. We woke up Tuesday morning and hit the ground running. We visited the notary for documents then headed back to the registrars office, where the hand-off was on Monday. Cairo definitely was aware of the fact that this was the place he was given to us and was not happy. We calmed him down just in time to be shoved before the judge and take our parental "vows". All in all the process took 30 seconds. 

 

 

 

After receiving our documentation we rushed back to the hotel for a little lunch and then boarded a van with another couple for Cairo's hometown, 2.5 hrs away. Mercifully, he slept the whole way.

 

Once we arrived we waited an hour in line at the cold "DMV" to apply for his passport, which again took about 5 minutes by the time we reached the counter. We waited another 30 minutes while our translator dropped off our "gifts" to the police chief. We then boarded the bus again for a short drive to the orphanage to take pictures outside the gate. 

 

Little did we know, when we arrived at the orphanage they invited us in! (We really had to go to the bathroom and the other dad on the trip pushed pretty hard to get us to one). We were NOT supposed to be able to go inside the orphanage (everyone is stunned they allowed us in). 

 

 

Not only this, but the director of the orphanage came out immediately and scooped up Cairo, holding him in her arms nearly the entire time we were there. This was extremely emotional for me, as we realized prayers for loving kindness were answered in this woman. It was clear that Cairo was her special pet. She talked freely with him, hugged him, carried him, instructed him and preened him. She clearly loved him. She dusted off his coat and one caregiver noted his lack of shoes (I had just changed his diaper in the van and left his shoes off to take the quick picture, ha!) They all thought that both boys were under dressed and their hands were too cold. If only we'd known we were going to see everyone! We would have had them dressed and cleaned. As it was we had been traveling and attending meetings for 8 hours already. We were not in the best shape to say the least.

 

 

 

The way home from his city he was very quiet and cuddly. It was clear he had been told not to take the paci we'd given him and he spit it out several times. He also took wipes and cleaned his coat thoroughly. He pretended to "take care" of an imaginary hurt on my arm and eventually accepted the paci and fell asleep.

 

That night's sleep was difficult, he slept with me most of the night, clinging to me whenever he woke up. Obviously the trip to the orphanage signaled to him that his life was changing forever. 

 

Lack of sleep and an intense schedule left us all cranky and tired yesterday. He is firey and knows what he wants and our lack of communication ability frustrates him terribly. We are also adjusting to having a big kid who cannot walk and becomes rigid when carried. While he'll often relax into us, his muscles are very tense from the waist down and makes carrying a 30lb toddler feel like we are carrying a 50lb big kid.

 

He slept very well last night from 5pm until 5am. We also slept a lot better and have been able to translate several phrases to communicate more readily, though keeping Mandarin in our heads is nearly impossible!

 

Please pray for our emotional and physical well-being as we are all adjusting. We are falling into a rhythm of relationship which is encouraging, but it is clear Cairo doesn't fully understand he is staying with us forever.

 

We leave his city today and fly (yikes) 2.5 hours to another city for his medical exam tomorrow and then our visa appointment on Monday. Please pray for these appointments and all of our stamina.

 

Pray also that the Holy Spirit will flood us with the ability to understand each other especially when his legs hurt or he needs comforting. I am praying often for the gift of tongues!

 

We miss you guys and can't wait to get back to our regular rhythm. Pray that our hearts would be content here while we wait. We are getting a little bit of "claustrophobia" knowing we have a week left before we can get home and be together as a family.

We'll try to update again soon!

Letters From China Pt. 2

WE GOT HIM!

We're back in the hotel playing and loving Cairo!

 

Thank you so much for your prayers this morning! Our group of 5 families left the hotel at 9:30AM to pick up our kids. We watched as group after group picked up children and loved on them. Others in our group received their children, the whole room was filled with couples holding their children, except for us and one other couple from our group. Our kids were 30min behind the rest of the groups. The entire room cleared out and we were left. Honestly, it was the best case scenario, because we didn't have to fight the crowds as Cairo entered the door at 11:45AM. We could see him and we knew him right away!

 

He is doing very well. He was upset to leave his orphanage worker and wouldn't come to me, but attached to Tony within 15 minutes. He calmed down pretty quickly once we got out some food and really enjoyed opening and closing the water bottle and drenching himself as he drank, and drank, and drank. He warmed up to me and let me hold him on my lap on the way home from the registration office. 

 

He is incredibly talkative and laughs very easily. He is loud and curious and very mobile. He already is playing and parroting our words very well, one of the women working in the hotel asked Tony if he spoke Mandarin and English. He has taken interest in some flashcards we brought and is currently quizzing Tony on the names of everything.

 

He uses his hands very well and pulls himself up to standing easily. He is not walking, but that doesn't stop him from moving around and getting where he pleases.

 

He's AWESOME!

 

We finalize registration tomorrow and have visa appointments, medical checks, and other meetings this week. We will visit his orphanage tomorrow as well.

 

Thanks again for all your love and support! We'll update again soon!

Letters From China Pt. 1

Over the next few days I will be posting emails I sent during our time in China. This will give you some unique insight into our process and hopefully connect you to our hearts!

CHINA UPDATE

Hey All

 

Things are going well here! We had a very eventful trip from the get-go with our DSM to Chicago flight being cancelled. Luckily our travel agencies rerouted us immediately and we were able to make our connection in Chicago without a problem. As a result of our switch-a-roo, when we arrived in China we were one bag lighter. Cairo's bag and our toiletries were lost and we made our tour group wait about 45 minutes while we filed our paperwork. After two nights without it, our bag showed up late last night, just in time to take with us tomorrow morning to Cairo's province. We are so grateful for all your prayers, as we believe it is because of them and God's great mercy we have been able to stay calm and see the bigger perspective! We have enjoyed every second of our trip without worry!

 

Yesterday and today we toured a huge list of attractions. Every one making us fall deeper and deeper in love with this country which is rich with tradition and history and also incredibly modern and futuristic. We LOVE the people, the city and the creativity of this amazing land!

 

Yesterday we had the opportunity to tour two factories dedicated to beautiful tradition art, Cloisonne Vases and Jade carvings. The Cloisonne factory introduced us to the incredible process of making copper and enamel vases and the Jade carvings exposed us to this precious stone that master craftsmen turn into incredible works of art. 

 

Yesterday we also visited the Great Wall which was INSANELY amazing!!!

 

Today we toured Ti'Anamen Square and the Forbidden City (The Imperial Palace). The Imperial Palace is unlike anything I have ever seen and Tony and I were in awe of the workmanship and beauty.

We were also able to tour the neighboring village by rickshaw and eat at a local family home. We also saw a fun acrobatic show.

 

By far, my favorite event today was a trip to a local Tea House, where we took part in a tea ceremony. It was beautiful and fun!

Of course I am devouring all the food I can. It is better than I could have ever imagined!

We are enjoying the other families and learning about the other children. We are excited to meet all the kids! 

 

Tomorrow we travel to Cairo's province and Monday morning we will meet Cairo and take him home! 

 

It is incredible and surreal to be in this incredible land! We covet your prayers and want you to know we can receive texts, so feel free to send texts if you'd like!

 

I miss you terribly! Love you all!

 

Everyone - when you see my babies, hug them, love them, and tell them they are incredible and we love them too much to say!

 

Hopefully, we'll be able to send pictures soon, but it's possible we may not be able to get on gmail again. If you receive a yahoo mail from me, open it. I'm trying to get mail out that way too!

 

Love you guys!

5 Ways to Love Adoptive Parents Before They Travel

This Monday we received our Travel Invitation. In a crazy twist in our adoption story our TI came suddenly at a time we never imagined it would come. It came as a complete, and welcome, surprise. The last week has been so full of great love for us that we have been seriously overflowing with it. We are tired, we are bewildered, we are ecstatic and crazy busy. We have packed and unpacked suitcases a thousand times, done dozens of loads of laundry, organized stacks of paperwork, rearranged work schedules, prepared our kids for our departure, cleaned and cooked and cleaned and slept - so thankfully - slept! Sometimes I just wander around our house walking into rooms, looking at them, thinking, "there must be something in this room to get ready, but I don't know what."

I can see how this whole process can be VERY overwhelming. But that's just the thing, as Tony and I discussed it on the way to our awesome friends' house last night, we are not overwhelmed, we are not worried, we are overflowing! Overflowing with the love and support that has been shown us. While many adoptive parents could feel depleted before they even step on a plane to pick up their kiddo, we are resting easy, sleeping well, and will begin our journey toward our son with full hearts and clear minds.

I thought as a tribute to the people who have loved us well and a kind of guide for support systems for those who come after us I had to write a post on how to love adoptive parents well. It's important to note that, just as important as knowing how to love well, knowing how to receive love is equally important. Encouraging your adoptive friends and family to accept help is the best place to start and the most convincing proof is not only offering, but doing!

1. PRAY for them and tell them about it! Prayer is powerful and effective! It is the food that our souls feed on and it is the power of the Spirit within us. Prayer is an exceptional way to spiritually and emotionally love on your friends and family, especially those who are adopting. Our foundation of surrender, release and calm is all built on the fact that God is providing for us through the prayers of our friends. The early stages of adoption can feel lonely and isolating, however knowing that friends are praying for you sustains your heart and reminds you that others are invested in your child. Not only that, prayer connects YOU to your friends and family and their child. Our friends and family who have been regularly praying for us through this process have been just as excited as we are for every piece of information regarding our process and our son. Here are some great things to pray for your adoptive friends:

• Peace and calm during stressful waiting periods
• The ability to release their process into the hands of God
• The healthy emotional and physical development of their child
• The health and emotional development of the children they are parenting currently
• Fulfillment and joy in their marriage
• Provision of the material needs, such as funds, baby items, furniture (whatever it takes to take care of a new child)
• Praise and thanksgiving for all of the obstacles, joys and successes in the process
• For more ideas, Google Adoption Bible Verses and pray through them for your friends, giving thanks for your own adoption into the family of God!

Now, when you're near your phone or computer email or text your friends and let them know you're praying for them. When possible pray for them through your text or email. Join this process and let them know you're in on it and what you're praying! I literally could write a book on this, but I think you get it!

2. GIVE. THEM. YOUR. MONEY! Even if your friends are not fundraising, they need your money. Especially if they are adopting overseas, using a private agency or adopting a special needs child. Your friends will be looking at bills they never thought possible! I cannot tell you what it feels like to stare down a $40,000 challenge and believe that God will meet your needs and then, look at that $40,000 become $30,000 then $20,000 then $10,000 and so on. We couldn't imagine the kind of provision that came through PEOPLE to us. We benefited directly from the obedience of our friends to the call of God on their life. We had people give us $1,000 and people give us $10 and honestly every single dollar was like a song.

God told us very early on in our process that money was not to be a factor in our adoption. We were not to worry about it, we were not to stress, we were to wait and rely on Him. We surrendered our fundraising to Him and the way He has provided for us has been nothing short of miraculous. We have seen and benefited from our friends understanding that their monies are not their own, they are not ours, they are God's and when He asks something of you, you do it. We know some, if not all of these gifts were made sacrificially, as most people do not have a lot of wiggle room inside of their budgets, and we are grateful to have witnessed this kind of obedience and love.

3. LISTEN to their needs and meet them if you can! Thank you, Jesus for Facebook! As soon as we started getting information about our kiddo and our trip I started realizing that our needs were great. We needed a crib, clothes, shoes, coats for our son and tons of incidentals for our trip. Instead of panicking at the cost and availability of these items I logged on Facebook and asked. I asked because I knew my friends would answer and answer they did! Cribs, baby carriers, DVDs for flights, clothes, shoes, decorations all came POURING in. Literally, you guys, there was nearly an all-out brawl for the rights to fork over an Ergo for our trip! Not only did this outpouring meet our needs it showed me that we were not alone. As soon as people knew our needs they met them, in BIG ways. I'm sure this took so much stress away from us, but honestly we weren't in need long enough to feel anything but excitement.

4. CELEBRATE their child! What would you do if your friend or family were having a biological baby? A baby shower? A card? A gift? A cake? A Girls' Night Out? A babysitting offer? Don't think, "what's the best way to celebrate their adoption?" Think instead, "what's the best way to celebrate their baby?" If this isn't their first child, pretend like it is; in many ways it feels like it. If it IS their first child; treat it IN EVERY WAY as if they are pregnant. I find people get kind of weird about adoption just because they don't understand the process and the timing is so screwy. However, you can start celebrating from the beginning. Ask about their Home Study, rejoice when they get their referral, throw a party when they are ready! Love them, love their child. They can feel it, I assure you!

This week a group of girl friends dropped by with prepackaged, grab-and-go food for our big kids, cards for us, presents for our son and incidentals for our trip. The amount of love I felt sitting in my living room talking about our son and watching these women rejoice with us was overwhelming. It is beautiful to see the Kingdom in your living room on a Thursday night!

5. SERVE them with your gifts! We have a super unique and very individual support system. Each one of our friends is gifted in different ways and when they hear what we need they meet our needs in their own ways. We have 3 children aged 5 and under and a dog we are leaving in the care of family and friends for two full weeks. I am not the least bit worried about them because the greatest Moms (some of whom are not even moms yet) in the world are taking care of my kids. They are driving them, feeding them, teaching them, loving them while we're gone and these women are GOOD at it!

Tony is leaving his team at work right before a giant Job Fair and hiring blitz. He is confident in their abilities and they are responsive to his needs. Co-workers are not often thought of in your support system, but let me assure you, this team of people is making it easier for my husband to leave his workplace and not worry about his responsibilities. His confidence in his team and their willingness to love him so well with their support while we're gone are making his two week time away so much easier.

What are you good at? Are you an organizer, a baker, a chef, good cleaner, a great mom, a good budgeter, a prayer warrior, an encourager, a good gift giver, a fundraiser? Who are you and what do you do well? Your friends need your gifts as support. I guarantee you their unique gifts will be a blessing to you as well, if you let them.

*BONUS: LOVE them! I am a people person. I love to be with my friends and family. I love to soak in their comfort and share my life with them. My friends know this. While other friends may have given space for their adoptive friends to get things in order and get ready for their trip, when my friends found out we were leaving they called to get together. They made pizza for us and invited us over for dinner and wine and laughter. They came to my house and showered us with love. They sat at our dining table and talked life with us. They let me love on their kids. They took me shopping for leggings and toddler pants. They met my needs for love by knowing me and loving me well.

You know your friends. You know who they are and what they need. Don't wait for them to ask you. Don't wait for them to come with their arms open for love. They have done a lot of open handed asking and giving over their adoption process. Fill their empty arms, meet their hearts' cry. Pray for them, support them, listen to them, celebrate them, serve them....LOVE THEM!

Our friends and family are one of the HUGE reasons we are adopting. We know that the love they show us is God's love and we know that doesn't wear out. I know we'll have hard days and I know there will always be someone to text that will pray, reach out, love us in the way we need it.

I'm sure there are so many more ways that we have been supported and that other adoptive families have been shown love during their process. These are just a few of the many ways we have been so wonderfully loved during our process. We are SO ready for the next phase and so much of it has to do with God's Kingdom coming alive in our living room through people who love Him and love us!

When Labor Strikes

It's been approximately 40 some-odd hours since my last post, mainly because I NEVER thought this next one would come so fast! This morning I woke up and groggily showered, started my coffee and checked my email. We had a message from our agency, probably just another business email, surely nothing specific since the New Year is going on, but wait, there's another one? Two emails in one day isn't strange for our agency, but two at 7am during a national holiday is nothing to shake a stick at. Moving to the memo line my heart skipped a beat: Travel! That's all I saw, TRAVEL! I clicked through and learned we not only had a consulate appointment but it is two and a half weeks away and our date to arrive in Beijing is March 5, MARCH 5! That is a week and a half from now!!!

I wigged out! WIGGED OUT! Tony had already left to workout before leaving for the office, my two oldest were casually watching TV and I was practically screaming, shaking, laughing, pretty much out of my mind (I'm pretty sure it would have been 1000x worse had I not wanted to scare the living daylights out of my kids).

Last week I was reading through our travel documents and they said that when we got the news we were traveling it would feel like our "water breaking". I thought that was cute, but impossible to be accurate. Let me tell you, it's exactly what it feels like!

When I finally got a hold of Tony (4 calls and 1 text message over 30 minutes later) we just laughed. We didn't really know what to say beyond: We can do this. Its a good day! I then told him I would probably be on the phone all morning, and it turned out that was not an exaggeration. Parent's, siblings, friends, everyone was called or texted. Facebook messages were sent. Blogs were written :)

Love and kindness and true, genuine excitement jumped through the phone, of the computer screen, through hugs straight into my heart. The kind of emotion that comes with this news is not describable. Very rarely in your life do you get to experience this kind of raw, real, not-in-the-least-manufactured love from people. It is humbling, and lovely, and true. It's the reality of life that is so stripped bare that it's beautiful.

As we move forward into the next three weeks of our family life we desperately seek your prayers. The moving parts of the next month are many. Please pray for the following things as we desire to remember that all these things are under the command of the King:

• Health for our family and those caring for our children while we are gone. Pray our antibodies would be strong, our stomachs would be strong and that bones and skin and eyes and ears and fingers and toes and backs would all work in the way they were created to work. 
• Pray for flights and travel arrangements. Our agencies take care of our plans for us and we already have plane tickets for our arrival and return. We will have several in-country flights and we will be driving home from Chicago on our return.  There are so many connections, planes, cars, tours, appointments for us to work through. Please pray for minimal complications and lots and lots of patience.
• Medical visits and Visa appointments. We will be marching our new son through a lot of different appointments while in China. He will see doctors, we will visit the consulate. It will be an incredibly intense time of official visits in a very short amount of time. Pray again for patience and stamina for Tony and I and for our little one.
• Pray for our son and Tony and I as we seek to bond together as a family. We will be meeting our son about 4 or 5 days into the trip, and after the first meeting he will come back to the hotel with us. He will be leaving everything and everyone familiar to him and he is old enough to know it. Please pray resilience and strength for our little boy. Pray for his brain and for the way his body will respond to the stress of a new environment. Pray for Tony and I that we will be supernaturally rested and relaxed, able to read his body cues, as we do not speak the same language, and meet his needs both physically and emotionally. Pray that we would rely solely on Jesus and the leading of the Holy Spirit and we will recognize that attachment and bonding will take time. Pray against fatigue and discouragement for our hearts and well as his. 
• Pray for our children staying home with grandparents and aunts and uncles. Join us in praising God for our unique and incredibly amazing support system. Pray huge amounts of patience, wisdom and kindness on our children's caretakers as they are transitioning our kids for us in an incredibly precious time. Pray also that our kids will remain regulated, grounded, and feel immensely cared for. They are extremely excited to meet their new brother we pray that the transition and waiting will be smooth for them.

There are probably a MILLION other things to pray for and as you think of them we ask that you would take them before the Father for us. We need intercessors and we need support and we thank you for being willing to provide that. I must also ask this: if you feel God nudging you to take action in any way, whether in our lives or in your own, would you do it?! As you pray for us, if God stirs your heart, would you not ignore Him? From the smallest of tasks, such as sending a text, to the largest, like maybe exploring adoption for your own family; would you make our journey a small part of YOUR journey?

God has gifted each of us in unique and incredible ways. He desires for us to live a life that is fully realized, completely alive in Him. Please, don't ignore is calling on your heart. Please, step into the faith He has given you. Please, say YES! to the glorious riches He has for you! Don't wait! Do it! If you don't know what that is, I pray you will find it. Truly, I'm not just saying that, I'm praying for you right now. I could name you if you want...but I won't. Join us here, in the Kingdom where Jesus sits on the throne, not just of our hearts, but our whole lives. It's awesome here! It's the best!

 
*Our travel costs will amount to approximately $9000 in airfare and lodging. If you would like to contribute support to help cover these costs, please visit youcaring.com/chiaramonte to donate today. Thank you!