Memories are an amazing thing. It doesn't matter how deeply buried they are in recesses of your brain one smell, taste or touch of them creates a waterfall of rushing images that immediately bring you back to that exact moment in your life. There is something about a good memory that can make you feel like you have left the earth and that you are inhabiting an entirely different dimension. A good memory is like a long satisfied sigh.
I say this, because just a moment ago, as I was bent over a stemming pot of "Snow Day Soup" in my kitchen. I had just finished browning the turkey, adding the beans and dumping in the carrots and celery when I dipped in my spoon to retrieve the first taste test of many. And there is was. Dancing on my tongue like a long lost friend. I'm not sure if it was the celery or the broth or if the carrots were mixed just right with the other spices but that simple teaspoon of piping hot liquid sent me flashing back into my 12 year old body, standing at the stove at Chelsea and Caroline's house watching a pot of veggies and water bubble and steam as we prepared to subject our parents to another "special dinner" (our parents were very patient people).
It makes me wonder how many memories are stored up in this brain of mine, that one so random can leap out at any given moment. I have no pictures of this event, no ticket stub or scrapbook page to remember it by, just a taste and smell and there I am in all of my brace-faced-greasy-haired glory pretending, along with my childhood friends, that we are some sort of prairie pilgrims that have to make our dinner from scratch or die in the cold long winter (yes, we were a little strange, but we had a lot of fun).
This all eases my mind a little. It helps me to know that I won't forget every detail of Roman's childhood without a picture or keepsake. And although I've already taken over 2,000 pictures of him in his short life it helps me to know that, because of a bad diaper rash, the smell of Destin will probably always remind me of the day the we got snowed in under 14" of snow and that the feel of a fleece blanket sleeper will remind me of the days he was learning to crawl.
I worry all the time that my mind is no good. That I'm terrible forgetful, which I am, and that I'm not all that bright, which I'm really not. But that one taste of "Snow Day Soup" helps me to know that my memories are still in there and that I'm building more. A picture can't do the things that my mind can do and, while I'm thankful for all 2,000 of them waiting to be printed off the computer, the most important memories are the ones that can't be contained on a piece of paper.
My best friend has been lying to me. For the past 6 months my BFF has been telling me that I am a gourmet cook trapped inside the body of a young housewife, that I can make my holiday tablescape look like a picture in a magazine and that I have a limitless amount of money to spend on self-improvement if I just arbitrarily call it a "budget item".
My best friend has been lying to me. Since the moment I found out I was pregnant my Besty has been telling me that I need a special baby food processor or my baby will hate everything prepared for him, that developmentally appropriate gadgets with complicated buttons (and price-tags) are essential so my newborn won't have stunted brain growth and that My Baby Can Read by the time he's 8 months old.
My best friend is a liar.
For years now every time we sit down to spend some time together my best friend does all the talking. Every day I get pumped full of celebrity gossip and new ways to feel terrible about myself because I can't make that complicated recipe or my hair just doesn't look that good when I get out of bed in the morning. My best friend tends to point out all of my worst flaws and shines a big high definition light on all the things about me that I hate the most.
Since becoming a stay-at-home mom by best friend has become my television. I'm not sure when it happened or why I've allowed it, but daily, unwelcome intruders parade through my living room. Matt and Meredith prattle off nearly unintelligible news as I groggily pump each morning, Rachel produces saliva-worthy meals in ten minutes as I sip on my lunch of Beef flavored Top Ramen, Ty and the gang hoist up a beautifully decorated Architectural marvel in one hour while I fold laundry and Oprah, Tyra and Ellen rub elbows with celebrities while I'm up to mine in baby poop and screaming infants.
Recently we've been studying the book of Titus in our Sunday morning services at church and I have been asked to speak on the Roles and Responsibilities of Women as outlined in Titus 2. While studying the verses and commentaries related to these verses, and dictionaries containing the words of these verse, I've come to realize again something I've known for a long time. The television is a liar, and the bigger problem within: The world is a liar. And while I feel I don't always allow the world to lie to me, I've come to realize while studying the Word that more often than not I am taken captive by the teachings of this world rather than the precious words of Scripture and the prayerful guidance of a good friend.
Amidst the rumors of Tiger's infidelity and the inane speculation about the White House Party Crashers I have been confronted with the completely counter-cultural revolution of Titus 2. Perhaps because most of the conversations I have as a stay-at-home mom are the one sided rants of my T.V. Titus seems all more rebellious to worldly norms. Here's the gist of the instructions that Paul gives to Titus on how to instruct the women of the Church at Crete:
To Older Women: Be reverent in the way that you live, worthy of being called a woman of God, don't gossip about people and, oh yeah, don't drink so much that you can't live without it. Also, teach what is good by the example of your life so others will want to emulate it and don't let your younger sisters and daughters get caught up in the things of this world, lend them a helping hand and prayerfully guide them through the process of becoming a Godly woman.
To Younger Women: Choose to love your husband and kids, control yourself in every way and be a woman of purity. Don't become lazy in your home so that all you have to do is sit around and focus on yourself, be kind and here's the kicker, submit to your husband as he submits to Christ.
The instructions in Titus seem pretty straight forward, but they are terribly difficult to follow if we are not tuned into the Word of God and carefully filtering the words of the World.
I love the reason Paul gives Titus for teaching the women of Crete these things. He says to make the women in your church are living this way so that "no one will malign the word of God." Not, so that they will live their Best Life, not so that their husbands will be more attracted to them, not so that their kids will like them better or everyone will want to be like them (although these may be fortunate side-effects of living this way), but to promote the cause of Christ to the World.
It's interesting to me that it's so much easier to accept the lies that my "Best Friend" tells me than to daily follow the commands of Christ. Everything that the TV has told me has proven to be false. I'm not a gourmet cook, I can get a meal on the table that tastes decent, but I'm no Martha Stewart. My tablescape is old magazines and unpaid bills, and spending $6 on mascara still feels like a major splurge. I'm sure Roman will eat something out of the blender, a mirror and a sock are still his favorite toys and if he's still not reading by the time he's 7 years old, then I'll start to worry...
For now I'm going to try to focus on those things that are truly important. On the things that my really Best Friend tells me to do. To choose great love for my husband and child, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at my home and kind to my family and friends (and even that stranger that watched me struggle into the mall without batting an eyelash to help open the door). I will focus on giving my husband the respect he deserves and daily cling to the Truth of God's word instead of the lies of this World. I will accept the guidance of Godly women and promote the cause of Christ in my life.
I'm sick of the lies and the gossip and the unreasonable self-assessment presented to me by the box in my living room. It's time to live outside the box, outside myself and inside the love of Christ.
