5 Ways to Love Adoptive Parents Before They Travel

This Monday we received our Travel Invitation. In a crazy twist in our adoption story our TI came suddenly at a time we never imagined it would come. It came as a complete, and welcome, surprise. The last week has been so full of great love for us that we have been seriously overflowing with it. We are tired, we are bewildered, we are ecstatic and crazy busy. We have packed and unpacked suitcases a thousand times, done dozens of loads of laundry, organized stacks of paperwork, rearranged work schedules, prepared our kids for our departure, cleaned and cooked and cleaned and slept - so thankfully - slept! Sometimes I just wander around our house walking into rooms, looking at them, thinking, "there must be something in this room to get ready, but I don't know what."

I can see how this whole process can be VERY overwhelming. But that's just the thing, as Tony and I discussed it on the way to our awesome friends' house last night, we are not overwhelmed, we are not worried, we are overflowing! Overflowing with the love and support that has been shown us. While many adoptive parents could feel depleted before they even step on a plane to pick up their kiddo, we are resting easy, sleeping well, and will begin our journey toward our son with full hearts and clear minds.

I thought as a tribute to the people who have loved us well and a kind of guide for support systems for those who come after us I had to write a post on how to love adoptive parents well. It's important to note that, just as important as knowing how to love well, knowing how to receive love is equally important. Encouraging your adoptive friends and family to accept help is the best place to start and the most convincing proof is not only offering, but doing!

1. PRAY for them and tell them about it! Prayer is powerful and effective! It is the food that our souls feed on and it is the power of the Spirit within us. Prayer is an exceptional way to spiritually and emotionally love on your friends and family, especially those who are adopting. Our foundation of surrender, release and calm is all built on the fact that God is providing for us through the prayers of our friends. The early stages of adoption can feel lonely and isolating, however knowing that friends are praying for you sustains your heart and reminds you that others are invested in your child. Not only that, prayer connects YOU to your friends and family and their child. Our friends and family who have been regularly praying for us through this process have been just as excited as we are for every piece of information regarding our process and our son. Here are some great things to pray for your adoptive friends:

• Peace and calm during stressful waiting periods
• The ability to release their process into the hands of God
• The healthy emotional and physical development of their child
• The health and emotional development of the children they are parenting currently
• Fulfillment and joy in their marriage
• Provision of the material needs, such as funds, baby items, furniture (whatever it takes to take care of a new child)
• Praise and thanksgiving for all of the obstacles, joys and successes in the process
• For more ideas, Google Adoption Bible Verses and pray through them for your friends, giving thanks for your own adoption into the family of God!

Now, when you're near your phone or computer email or text your friends and let them know you're praying for them. When possible pray for them through your text or email. Join this process and let them know you're in on it and what you're praying! I literally could write a book on this, but I think you get it!

2. GIVE. THEM. YOUR. MONEY! Even if your friends are not fundraising, they need your money. Especially if they are adopting overseas, using a private agency or adopting a special needs child. Your friends will be looking at bills they never thought possible! I cannot tell you what it feels like to stare down a $40,000 challenge and believe that God will meet your needs and then, look at that $40,000 become $30,000 then $20,000 then $10,000 and so on. We couldn't imagine the kind of provision that came through PEOPLE to us. We benefited directly from the obedience of our friends to the call of God on their life. We had people give us $1,000 and people give us $10 and honestly every single dollar was like a song.

God told us very early on in our process that money was not to be a factor in our adoption. We were not to worry about it, we were not to stress, we were to wait and rely on Him. We surrendered our fundraising to Him and the way He has provided for us has been nothing short of miraculous. We have seen and benefited from our friends understanding that their monies are not their own, they are not ours, they are God's and when He asks something of you, you do it. We know some, if not all of these gifts were made sacrificially, as most people do not have a lot of wiggle room inside of their budgets, and we are grateful to have witnessed this kind of obedience and love.

3. LISTEN to their needs and meet them if you can! Thank you, Jesus for Facebook! As soon as we started getting information about our kiddo and our trip I started realizing that our needs were great. We needed a crib, clothes, shoes, coats for our son and tons of incidentals for our trip. Instead of panicking at the cost and availability of these items I logged on Facebook and asked. I asked because I knew my friends would answer and answer they did! Cribs, baby carriers, DVDs for flights, clothes, shoes, decorations all came POURING in. Literally, you guys, there was nearly an all-out brawl for the rights to fork over an Ergo for our trip! Not only did this outpouring meet our needs it showed me that we were not alone. As soon as people knew our needs they met them, in BIG ways. I'm sure this took so much stress away from us, but honestly we weren't in need long enough to feel anything but excitement.

4. CELEBRATE their child! What would you do if your friend or family were having a biological baby? A baby shower? A card? A gift? A cake? A Girls' Night Out? A babysitting offer? Don't think, "what's the best way to celebrate their adoption?" Think instead, "what's the best way to celebrate their baby?" If this isn't their first child, pretend like it is; in many ways it feels like it. If it IS their first child; treat it IN EVERY WAY as if they are pregnant. I find people get kind of weird about adoption just because they don't understand the process and the timing is so screwy. However, you can start celebrating from the beginning. Ask about their Home Study, rejoice when they get their referral, throw a party when they are ready! Love them, love their child. They can feel it, I assure you!

This week a group of girl friends dropped by with prepackaged, grab-and-go food for our big kids, cards for us, presents for our son and incidentals for our trip. The amount of love I felt sitting in my living room talking about our son and watching these women rejoice with us was overwhelming. It is beautiful to see the Kingdom in your living room on a Thursday night!

5. SERVE them with your gifts! We have a super unique and very individual support system. Each one of our friends is gifted in different ways and when they hear what we need they meet our needs in their own ways. We have 3 children aged 5 and under and a dog we are leaving in the care of family and friends for two full weeks. I am not the least bit worried about them because the greatest Moms (some of whom are not even moms yet) in the world are taking care of my kids. They are driving them, feeding them, teaching them, loving them while we're gone and these women are GOOD at it!

Tony is leaving his team at work right before a giant Job Fair and hiring blitz. He is confident in their abilities and they are responsive to his needs. Co-workers are not often thought of in your support system, but let me assure you, this team of people is making it easier for my husband to leave his workplace and not worry about his responsibilities. His confidence in his team and their willingness to love him so well with their support while we're gone are making his two week time away so much easier.

What are you good at? Are you an organizer, a baker, a chef, good cleaner, a great mom, a good budgeter, a prayer warrior, an encourager, a good gift giver, a fundraiser? Who are you and what do you do well? Your friends need your gifts as support. I guarantee you their unique gifts will be a blessing to you as well, if you let them.

*BONUS: LOVE them! I am a people person. I love to be with my friends and family. I love to soak in their comfort and share my life with them. My friends know this. While other friends may have given space for their adoptive friends to get things in order and get ready for their trip, when my friends found out we were leaving they called to get together. They made pizza for us and invited us over for dinner and wine and laughter. They came to my house and showered us with love. They sat at our dining table and talked life with us. They let me love on their kids. They took me shopping for leggings and toddler pants. They met my needs for love by knowing me and loving me well.

You know your friends. You know who they are and what they need. Don't wait for them to ask you. Don't wait for them to come with their arms open for love. They have done a lot of open handed asking and giving over their adoption process. Fill their empty arms, meet their hearts' cry. Pray for them, support them, listen to them, celebrate them, serve them....LOVE THEM!

Our friends and family are one of the HUGE reasons we are adopting. We know that the love they show us is God's love and we know that doesn't wear out. I know we'll have hard days and I know there will always be someone to text that will pray, reach out, love us in the way we need it.

I'm sure there are so many more ways that we have been supported and that other adoptive families have been shown love during their process. These are just a few of the many ways we have been so wonderfully loved during our process. We are SO ready for the next phase and so much of it has to do with God's Kingdom coming alive in our living room through people who love Him and love us!

When Labor Strikes

It's been approximately 40 some-odd hours since my last post, mainly because I NEVER thought this next one would come so fast! This morning I woke up and groggily showered, started my coffee and checked my email. We had a message from our agency, probably just another business email, surely nothing specific since the New Year is going on, but wait, there's another one? Two emails in one day isn't strange for our agency, but two at 7am during a national holiday is nothing to shake a stick at. Moving to the memo line my heart skipped a beat: Travel! That's all I saw, TRAVEL! I clicked through and learned we not only had a consulate appointment but it is two and a half weeks away and our date to arrive in Beijing is March 5, MARCH 5! That is a week and a half from now!!!

I wigged out! WIGGED OUT! Tony had already left to workout before leaving for the office, my two oldest were casually watching TV and I was practically screaming, shaking, laughing, pretty much out of my mind (I'm pretty sure it would have been 1000x worse had I not wanted to scare the living daylights out of my kids).

Last week I was reading through our travel documents and they said that when we got the news we were traveling it would feel like our "water breaking". I thought that was cute, but impossible to be accurate. Let me tell you, it's exactly what it feels like!

When I finally got a hold of Tony (4 calls and 1 text message over 30 minutes later) we just laughed. We didn't really know what to say beyond: We can do this. Its a good day! I then told him I would probably be on the phone all morning, and it turned out that was not an exaggeration. Parent's, siblings, friends, everyone was called or texted. Facebook messages were sent. Blogs were written :)

Love and kindness and true, genuine excitement jumped through the phone, of the computer screen, through hugs straight into my heart. The kind of emotion that comes with this news is not describable. Very rarely in your life do you get to experience this kind of raw, real, not-in-the-least-manufactured love from people. It is humbling, and lovely, and true. It's the reality of life that is so stripped bare that it's beautiful.

As we move forward into the next three weeks of our family life we desperately seek your prayers. The moving parts of the next month are many. Please pray for the following things as we desire to remember that all these things are under the command of the King:

• Health for our family and those caring for our children while we are gone. Pray our antibodies would be strong, our stomachs would be strong and that bones and skin and eyes and ears and fingers and toes and backs would all work in the way they were created to work. 
• Pray for flights and travel arrangements. Our agencies take care of our plans for us and we already have plane tickets for our arrival and return. We will have several in-country flights and we will be driving home from Chicago on our return.  There are so many connections, planes, cars, tours, appointments for us to work through. Please pray for minimal complications and lots and lots of patience.
• Medical visits and Visa appointments. We will be marching our new son through a lot of different appointments while in China. He will see doctors, we will visit the consulate. It will be an incredibly intense time of official visits in a very short amount of time. Pray again for patience and stamina for Tony and I and for our little one.
• Pray for our son and Tony and I as we seek to bond together as a family. We will be meeting our son about 4 or 5 days into the trip, and after the first meeting he will come back to the hotel with us. He will be leaving everything and everyone familiar to him and he is old enough to know it. Please pray resilience and strength for our little boy. Pray for his brain and for the way his body will respond to the stress of a new environment. Pray for Tony and I that we will be supernaturally rested and relaxed, able to read his body cues, as we do not speak the same language, and meet his needs both physically and emotionally. Pray that we would rely solely on Jesus and the leading of the Holy Spirit and we will recognize that attachment and bonding will take time. Pray against fatigue and discouragement for our hearts and well as his. 
• Pray for our children staying home with grandparents and aunts and uncles. Join us in praising God for our unique and incredibly amazing support system. Pray huge amounts of patience, wisdom and kindness on our children's caretakers as they are transitioning our kids for us in an incredibly precious time. Pray also that our kids will remain regulated, grounded, and feel immensely cared for. They are extremely excited to meet their new brother we pray that the transition and waiting will be smooth for them.

There are probably a MILLION other things to pray for and as you think of them we ask that you would take them before the Father for us. We need intercessors and we need support and we thank you for being willing to provide that. I must also ask this: if you feel God nudging you to take action in any way, whether in our lives or in your own, would you do it?! As you pray for us, if God stirs your heart, would you not ignore Him? From the smallest of tasks, such as sending a text, to the largest, like maybe exploring adoption for your own family; would you make our journey a small part of YOUR journey?

God has gifted each of us in unique and incredible ways. He desires for us to live a life that is fully realized, completely alive in Him. Please, don't ignore is calling on your heart. Please, step into the faith He has given you. Please, say YES! to the glorious riches He has for you! Don't wait! Do it! If you don't know what that is, I pray you will find it. Truly, I'm not just saying that, I'm praying for you right now. I could name you if you want...but I won't. Join us here, in the Kingdom where Jesus sits on the throne, not just of our hearts, but our whole lives. It's awesome here! It's the best!

 
*Our travel costs will amount to approximately $9000 in airfare and lodging. If you would like to contribute support to help cover these costs, please visit youcaring.com/chiaramonte to donate today. Thank you!

When Hard Days Turn Hopeful

Today was not the best of days, neither was yesterday, and let's just be honest, this week wasn't my favorite. It's not that it was necessarily bad, it just wasn't good. We had several frustrating situations rise up and a couple of poorly timed disappointments. One of these said disappointments hit me particularly sideways today.

 

We had planned all week on attending a local Chinese New Year Celebration and I was really looking forward to it. To be honest I'm a little miffed at this holiday right now as it's the huge time block in the way of us receiving our consulate appointment and therefore our travel invitation. While I'm impatient with the holiday, I also realize it is a great and important way to connect with our son's culture and heritage, therefore I pinned a lot of my heart on this celebration today. I was hoping that it would help me feel connected to our kiddo and revive me a little from the restlessness I'm feeling during our time in, yet another, limbo during our adoption process.

Well, a series of events that involved a botched Craigslist deal, a fritzy cell phone and ill-timed Facebook messages left us high and dry on our New Year celebration. By the time we got all the kinks ironed out in our plans the parties had passed without us.

Ironically, the two events coincided in such a way that I really couldn't be MAD about it, which is how I'd like to have responded. I could only be undeniably disappointed. What a horrible feeling. I don't know if you really know what it's like to feel pure disappointment, without anger, or fear, or guilt, or anything else. Just disappointment. It's a rough feeling. One that doesn't leave you feeling mature or enlightened. I felt exactly like my 4 year old daughter when she said, "Oh, Mom, I really wanted to go to that party." All I could say was, "I know, baby, me too."

We came home, unloaded and sat sulkily in the living room. When Tony came home, he could tell I was hurting. He didn't say anything he just handed me a note. It was so wonderful, and came with a very generous support donation, but the true gift was a sweet sentiment from someone who has known me nearly all my life. It was enough to make me break down.  I decided to retreat to our bedroom and gather myself, crying out to God to help me see the hope in the hurt today, thanking him for caring for us so deeply.

We then decided that instead of sitting around in disappointment we would celebrate together as a family. Tony found a Chinese restaurant that we have never been to and we gathered a small segment of our awesome family and headed out. Admittedly, I was incredulous about Tony's choice (Yelp reviews were pretty mixed) but as we entered through the doors we ran into one of our oldest son's school friends who was there to celebrate the New Year with the Chinese Association of Iowa. Perfect!

Our family came, we ate together, we celebrated and laughed and truly enjoyed ourselves. Our kids ate egg rolls and sugar donuts and so much jello I think they'll jiggle in their sleep! It was truly a celebration of our son and his culture and our family.

My favorite thing of all happened toward the end of our dinner, however. Our son's friend came over to our table with her mom in tow and quietly wished our kids a Happy New Year and gave them little red envelopes with a dollar inside. I'm not sure our kids grasped the symbolism of friendship and luck this little girl was giving them. In Chinese culture red envelopes are given to family and friends in celebration of the holiday and as a sign of good fortune. There was so much wrapped up in this one act for me that my heart overflowed.

I realize that our day did not go as planned. It was not what I had in mind for this day. It was not the best day I've ever had, but I hope I will remember it. I hope I will remember that when days are hard I have a choice. When days are hard, I can walk into my disappointment, own it, feel it, and give it to God. When days are hard, I can have hope. Disappointment does not get the last word. Fatigue does not have to stop Celebration. This day turned out pretty great. Probably better than what I'd planned. I'm glad I had a moment. A catching of my breath. A releasing of tears. Most of all I'm glad I celebrated.

Happy New Year!

Valentine

Today I saw your face.

Not only that I saw your arms and legs, all of you standing up, smiling at me, throwing me a peace sign.

You're big! You're healthy! You're strong!

Yesterday I didn't know how tall you were, today I know how many teeth you have; it's 24 by the way.

Today I know things about you I've only dreamed about. Things other moms take for granted. Things you don't think you even think about. I know what you eat, how you sleep, what your personality is like. It's exciting.

I realize something, though. Everything I know about you doesn't make me love you more. I realize this: all the love I have for you is already here, inside my heart. A new blossom unfolded today and it makes me wonder how many other flowers are on this branch of love. It makes me smile.

Today you're my little Valentine. It's the very best version of this holiday dedicated to love. It's the very best.

I can't wait to hold you. To kiss your cheeks. To love you in every real way that a mom loves her son. It's all here for you.

I love you, baby. I love you so much.

Good News and A Challenge

Today is an awesome day in our house! We received word that our Article 5 has been pulled and now we are simply waiting for a Consulate Appointment in order to set our Travel Date! We could not be more excited and to make things even better today we are launching our Chiaramonte Adoption T-shirt Campaign!

We would love for you to join our One Family and show your support for our adoption by purchasing a shirt and joining us in a fun social media challenge!

Head on over to BonfireFunds now through Sunday, Feb. 15 to pick up a shirt and then repost our link on your Facebook, Twitter and Instagram accounts and give us a shout out with #ChiaramonteAdoption #OneFamily. Invite your family and friends to support not only our adoption but also the adoption process of my brother-in-law and his wife, Chris and Sarah Chiaramonte.

As we have pushed forward with our adoption we have realized that God truly does see humanity as One Family. He desires for us to follow Him and calls us all His children. In a very real way Tony and I have been able to share that with his brother Chris and his wife Sarah and we are grateful to be raising funds alongside of them. We could not be more thrilled to see God bringing us together in this way and we would love for you to be a part of this awesome story that God is telling through our One Family!

Join us today! And when you receive your shirt snap a picture and post it on your social media accounts using our hashtags. It is our hope to compile a photo book for our kiddos that serves as a tangible reminder of the people they can all their tribe, their One Family!

What IF

Last night my friends and I gathered in the living room of our sweet friend to live stream an event that 10's of thousands of women in the world are participating in, IF:GATHERING. The event is hosted by a myriad of Christian thinkers, theologians and everyday people who are asking the question What IF?

The focus of this weekend's conference is Numbers 13-14, I know, super exciting! Numbers is not a book I usually camp out in. I'm not sure about you, sometimes I get the feeling that the Old Testament lost a little of it's relevance after Jesus, but I remember, the whole thing is about Him, especially this particular passage. In these chapters we see the story of the Promised Land. The Israelites have arrived at Canaan, they are excited, but they are terrified. After generations of, what to me is, unimaginable oppression, God has freed them. He has brought them through the dessert and dropped them at the gates of the place they are to thrive and flourish. The Kingdom of God should start, right here, in this place. Canaan.

There is just one problem. There is opposition. There are people there. There are fortifications in their way. There is already an established kingdom. Shouldn't they just move on to the millions of acres of open land somewhere out in the wilderness and set up their own Kingdom?! I honestly cannot fathom why no one in the Nation of Israel didn't suggest that "Hey, maybe we should just start our own thing." No, the response was, "we should have remained SLAVES! Let's go back to Egypt!"

In a revelation that the leaders of IF:GATHERING have clued into God is setting the stage for the greater narrative of humanity, and what they and I would say is the most disturbing trend of our 21st century church: letting the Kingdom of God halt its advance because another kingdom is already established. So many of us now know more than the Israelites, enough to say "I won't return to slavery", but all too many of us have said "Eh, there's already people here, let's just go off and start our own thing." Thankfully enough of us are tired of this separate status that what I heard last night was a voice in the dessert crying, "prepare ye the way of the LORD!"

During several of the talks last night the beginning of one verse kept reoccurring "Do not look to the left or to the right"... the rest of that verse continues "GO to the land I have commanded you". I didn't have to look this verse up, I have been living it for the last year, possibly more and I hope this is the anthem of my journey for the rest of my life. Originally manifest to Abraham, the land that God was talking about was the land that the Israelites were now standing in front of with knees knocking and chests quaking. No wonder Moses and Aaron fell prostrate before God and Joshua and Jephunneh tore their robes: the land that for centuries had been promised to them was being given up because 10 men of renown were saying "it's just too difficult."

If you don't see yourself in this story yet, I pray you ask God where you fall. The land that we are looking at is the same land that was promised to Abraham, not the physical land of Canaan, but the very real territory Jesus called the Kingdom of God. We are standing on the precipice of this land and because someone else has taken up residence there we have decided that the forward march is too hard. So we have set up camp in the open acres, where we can shield ourselves from the hurt, the pain, the reality of what is inside those gates and live happily ever after until the day that Christ returns. If someone wants to join us, they'll find their way here. If someone wants to leave, well, they probably don't understand us anyway.

What we don't realize, is that everything good that God has to give is inside those gates. And the very best thing of all, the Jesus, the Christ of whose return we anxiously await, He also is inside those gates! I have spent too many years outside of the land I have been promised begging God to be close to me, pleading with Him to be real, anguishing over the day He will save me from this body of death. All the time He has simply been saying, "walk through the gates."

At the beginning of the night the women who are leading IF:GATHERING all begged God to come near. On their knees they cried out to Him in front of us, and rightfully so. These are the words that we have to use as humans, the words we know and the constructs we are familiar with. However, I am struck with this, God is near. He is all around us. He is beckoning to us "come near to me." God doesn't need to move - we do. God doesn't need to show us Himself - we need to open our eyes. God doesn't have anything to prove - we simply have to have faith in what has already been accomplished.

It's time for us to wake up to the ideas that are being presented by these women who have experienced the bitterness of earthly pain and tasted the sweet honey of Heaven. It's time for us to take the gates, enter the land and live in freedom and peace and love. It's time for us to stop being afraid of the giants and the fortifications and it's time for us to start knocking down walls so the Kingdom of Heaven can invade this earth just as Jesus prayed at that Last Supper. If we truly believe that His Spirit resides in us how can we not pray as He did: "Your Kingdom come. Your will be done, on Earth as it is in Heaven."