This Much Closer

Last night as we were all gathered around the dinner table Roman looked at Tony and said, “How close are we to [our new sibling]?” Neither Tony nor I ever have a good answer to this question because the process has been so unpredictable so we simply said, “We’re this much closer, bud.” It’s true, we are closer today than we were yesterday and tomorrow we’ll be closer than we are today. This answer usually satisfies or 5 year-old, but it’s hard to stay content with this answer as two adults in our 30s who have had a plan for most of their lives.

The waiting and silence has been heavy the last few weeks in our home. I (Katie) have gotten to a place where the adoption is in some recessed corner of my mind just waiting to be revisited. I think it’s easier this way. It doesn’t mess with me as much. I can focus on other areas of my life, which is good, and hard, and sometimes not so good. When the waiting becomes lengthy, without end, discontentment can start to fester and the need to move can produce unrest in my Spirit.

This is the place I was in this morning when Roman brought me a little drawing of our family he was working on. One by one he added members and when he was finished he showed me our little family. Super cute. Although he was not satisfied. Something was not right. He continued to draw and came back and said, “There mom, here’s [our sibling] you’re holding him, cause he’s a tiny baby.” It was the first time Roman has drawn our family including our new addition, and even though we all know he’s not a tiny baby the idea of holding him, and seeing it depicted was heart-melting. Beautiful. I think our oldest is incredibly intuitive. He knows what I need to see and hear before I do. He ministered well to my heart on a day I was beginning to feel numb.

I have decided we may also want to add prophetic to the list of characteristics our eldest son possesses because after a much needed heart-to-heart with a good friend, Tony called me as I was on my way home.

“Did you check your email yet?” He said. “Uh, no” I replied. “Well, we got a message from Bethany.” Most of the communication with our agency lately has been business as usual, office closings, matching nights, seminars, nothing super pertinent to our process, so I had a feeling this was big news. “Let me just read it to you”, he said. This was the message:

Hi Chiaramonte family!

Since you were preliminarily matched to a child prior to your dossier being logged in, your dossier is being expedited by the CCCWA. According to their online system, your dossier has now been translated. It is awaiting review and approval so that it can be matched up to the child’s file. The review process may still take several weeks, but once that is complete, we will be very close to LOA!

This is huge! HUGE! A process that we thought might take us through Christmas may be finished up by the end of the month. There is still immigration paperwork, visas and travel that all take time, but a huge chunk of what needs to be accomplished will be done within the next several weeks! Words cannot express the feeling of lightness and joy this brings! We truly are this much closer to bringing our “baby” home.

I am reminded today again of what Jesus has been saying to my heart so often during this process, “So be careful to do what the LORD your God has commanded you; do not turn aside to the right or to the left.” This has been banging around in my mind and today when I looked it up I found it in Deuteronomy 5. The following verse is just as impactful, “You shall walk in all the way which the LORD your God has commanded you, that you may live and that it may be well with you, and that you may prolong your days in the land which you will possess.”

As the Israelites believed in the Promised Land, Tony and I believe that the “land which you will possess” is none other than the Kingdom of God, the New World Order where Jesus reigns as King over all! I am reminded today that so many things distract us from this reality, but when we follow His commands for our own lives and we walk in the way He has commanded us it will be well with us and we will be “this much closer” to the reality of Kingdom of God in our lives. 

Originally Posted on 10/10/14 on our YouCaring site.

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Let it Flow

Last week Tony was gone for three days followed by a weekend of roofing, gathering housewares for a family whose home burned down, teaching Sunday school, laughing, talking and crying. This weekend we experienced the rolling joy of the Kingdom of God that has burst into our life and this morning we woke up tired and sore and full.

Tony and I have been on a journey that has been ongoing throughout our lives, and recently it seems the fullness of all that God has taught us is washing over us at once. All around us we hear the question being asked, even by other believers, “what is this all about?” Whether it’s life in general, Christianity or following Jesus everyone seems to be asking the question, “Why?”

We have asked this question. In fact, I can remember a night about two years ago in our living room during our church small group when I said, “What makes my life more compelling than anyone else’s? Why would anyone choose what I have chosen in following Christ?” Little did I know that this question would be the floodgate that needed to be opened in my life in order for the River of God to flow out from me onto a waiting world.

You see most of my life has been spent, like most other people in my sub-group of white, suburban, conservative America, learning to be good and do good. Most of my life it has been taught through the lens of my Christian faith, and for the most part I felt I was doing good, not just good GREAT! I am law abiding, serving, nice, and generous. We give our money and our time and we do it with a happy heart. And you know what, so do A LOT of other people, and a lot of the them don’t even know Jesus. So how is it that my life is more compelling than anyone else’s? Why would anyone want what I have? Why would anyone choose Jesus?

The answer in one simple and satisfying word is, I believe, freedom. Freedom not just for myself, but for humanity. Freedom not just from sin, but to a life that is full and satisfying and redeemed. Freedom to choose love and justice and grace. Freedom to run wild with abandon as the person I was made to be. Freedom from everything that would hold me under it’s spell. Freedom to be free!

The awesome paradox about this freedom is that it has cost me nothing and it has cost me everything. Because of the restoration power of Christ’s resurrection I am declared perfectly just in the eyes of God. I am fully free from the grip of sin, brokeness and evil and it’s mastery over me. Nothing, nothing, nothing I have done has persuaded Jesus to give me this righteousness. It is His free gift to all of humanity declaring us not guilty in the sight of a holy God. In this way, the gift of the empty tomb has cost me nothing.

I am grateful for the freedom of this new life and the gift of Jesus as King. I am willing to pay the price it costs to live inside of this freedom and newness, under the rule of the One who laid the foundations of the earth. The cost for this is everything! Everything I thought I wanted. Everything I thought I was. Everything I’m told to follow. Everything I lay down. When I surrender it all to Him I realize that these things I offer were never mine. The treasures and worries and strivings I cling to are worthless and in His glory God burns them away and replaces them with blessings I could never have imagined.

In living into this new order in my life I have laid down countless “treasures”. Control. Apathy. Judgement. Acceptance. Validation. Grief. Anxiety. Depression. I have given over my children, my home, my money, my husband, my cars, my clothes, my food, my health, my friends, my family, my time, my talents. Over and over and over again. This isn’t a one time and I’m done kind of deal, it’s a minute by minute giving over. A surrender of moments. A restoration of mind, body and soul. It’s never ending, I hope, because discovering this freedom is the most exhilarating endeavor of my life.

So, after perhaps the most intense weekend of loving others we have ever had Tony and I are feeling something we never thought: Ready! We are ready for more! Longing to pour out what Jesus is pouring in. Longing to let justice flow like a mighty river. Longing to press on, press in, and live out this amazing new dynamic.

We are so grateful, that in this season, a season of longing for our child, waiting on paperwork and governments and adoption workers we don’t have to stop living. That God has called us not just to adoption, or parenthood, or marriage, or teaching, or mothering, or working, or artistry, or homemaking. He has called us to freedom and in every moment of our lives He provides us an opportunity to be more alive. 

Orignially posted on October 6, 2014 on our youcaring site: youcaring.com/chiaramonte