Lifetime of Love

Today marks the day in history 32 years ago when my husband entered the world! It is a great day. A day that totally changed my life and I am so grateful for it!

I fell in love with Tony in the 4th grade because he totally looked like Aladdin. If you don't agree with me your probably not thinking of the right Aladdin. He was quiet and nerdy and nothing like crazy-spastic, out-going me, but boy was he C-U-T-E!

It's not an exaggeration to say that Tony was for all intents and purposes my first real crush. It was purely surface, but hey, what 4th grade infatuation isn't. Plus, it's super fun to be able to say that my love has come full circle! Oh so cheesy, and delicious.

I am so glad that my 4th grade crush turned into a lifetime of love. I don't know very many people who can say that they went to their proms, most of their homecomings and nearly every other important event in their life with the person they are pledged to forever. Tony and I share so much history and so much future. It makes my heart leap to know that in the end, the person I will have the most memories with is him.

Tony and I were 21 when we got married. We still had one year of college left and we were babies! The first year of our marriage was so much fun. I can say definitively this was my favorite year of college and the only one I'd truly love to relive.

He is, most notably, a Golden Retriever with a Gopher soul. He is sensible, loyal, pragmatic and analytical, but when he lets loose he really lets loose. This is one of my favorite pics of Tony because it shows him at his best. When we were asked to dress up and "hide" in plain site for a ministry event Tony took it to the next level by purchasing professional supplies and applying is own old age make-up. I also love this because, even though its nearly 10 years ago, he still has that sweater.

There are a million other pictures to share and a million more stories I could tell, but no one wants to read that. Just let it be known: I have married the friend of my heart, his love grows my love, and his life is a tremendous gift to this world (I know right! That's pretty intense). I can't wait to see where the next year takes us together. I want to follow him to the ends of the earth!

Reluctantly Fall

Last week fall descended on Iowa like a blitz! It was horrible, rainy, and cold and my heart began the deep winter's hibernation that forces all of my barefoot, sun-soaked, freckled faced soul into a corner under a blanket. Mercifully summer rebounded for another glorious weekend and the following days have been milder, but much easier to stomach than the shocking toss into early winter.

The last few days have been awesome, boot-wearing, warm beverage carrying, wagon pulling goodness. Around this time each year my mom and I like to make our way just 30 minutes south of her house to a quaint side-of-the-road mum farm. It is beautiful, and the amazing burst of chrysanthemums, gourds, pumpkins, peppers and other fall foliage soothes sweet salve on to my heart before I have to wrap it up for a long winter.

Wagons full of pumpkins were a welcome sight. There is something about a flatbed full of plump orange pumpkins that fills me with readiness for the new season. I love this picture because I feel like I could be my mom 30 years ago, especially if she had a little boy. Styles have come back around and I'm sure I could find a picture of her from the early '80s looking almost identical.

Of course J. snagged a pumpkin right away. He pretty much kept one hand on it the whole time calling out "BA-- BA--" ("ball").

I'm not a photographer, but the light and color on these ornamental peppers made me feel like one. I love how they all bunched together to look like little flowers made of flame.

I don't actually remember the first time I saw a huge assortment of gourds like this, but I do know that every time I come across these weird, pocked, goitered things I think "this is me, if I were to grow from the ground, this is what I would hope to look like."

My mom heard cattle lowing and spent a good portion of our time sniffing them out so J. could catch a glimpse of these beauties. They were just being weaned from their mamas so they were skiddish and cranky, but so picturesque, especially in the pastoral setting of the mum farm.

My mom is an avid gardener and spends hours tilling, weeding and tending each summer. Fall is her planting season so a trip to the mum farm is pay-dirt. She was hauling two wagons full of autumn glory and enlisted the help of my toddler son to help pull her loot. I have always ALWAYS loved my mom's hands and this picture, I think, speaks for itself.

After we unloaded everything at my moms house, J. took it upon himself to make room for the new plantings. This is just one of the hundreds of lovely flowers in my moms gardens. They are huge and bursting with color...evidently they don't smell the greatest though.

Now that we've been to the mum farm I feel almost ready for fall. I still want to swim one more time, feel the heat of the summer sun on my back and watch my kids run through a field with their shoes off and their hair wild. However, I am so looking forward to what fall and winter hold for our family this year.

For now I will reluctantly slide into fall. I will allow myself to be reminded of the beauty and elegance of creation. I will read the gospel story painted in the sky. I will cling to Jesus, who Rend Collective so artful calls, "my never-ending Summer" and He will "burn away the winter of my cold and weary heart."

All Endurance

On Friday we received the news that our Dossier is on it’s way to the Country of Origin and we couldn’t have been more thrilled! I think Tony’s text to me summed up our feelings: “Skidoo!” it read, “I meant to say Wahoo, but autocorrect seemed to express my feelings.” It’s true, “skidoo!” is how it feels to have our 90-some page formal document biography sent to the country where our child lives. Though it’s so far away, and our child will never hold it, it’s nice to know that someone, somewhere in that country at least knows we exists. We can’t be there physically, but now we are there on paper!

As soon as I found out our paperwork was on its way to out of the country, in my mind, I was too. I was packing in my head, figuring out arrangements for our kids, holding our newest kiddo on my lap. I was ready to board a plane tomorrow. According to our service plan we would be traveling in late 2014 and that plus the fact that our Dossier is now on file in the review room put me in the mindset that we are inches away from the finish line. We immediately emailed our agency to double check our timeline and see if we would be traveling even earlier than we expected. We wanted to be prepared.

The news that followed hit me like a punch in the gut. Not only will we not be traveling within the next few months, it will take our Dossier an average of 3 months to get through the review process. Three MONTHS! THREE MONTHS! That’s just the Dossier, after that we have paperwork, visas, travel plans, etc… our time line that just 3 days ago was, to me, 6-8 weeks, has now lengthened to 5-7 MONTHS! I was discouraged.

Throughout this process we have managed to keep ourselves positive, looking to what God is doing in the now, celebrating victories and milestones as they come. But when the news came that we were almost there my focus shifted and all of a sudden my hope became what God will do instead of what God is doing. I had allowed myself to say “tomorrow I will do this and that, or we will go to this and that country.” If there’s anything God has spoken to my heart during this process it is DON’T DO THIS! James 4:13 has been all over my heart, but in my haste I forgot “... [I] do not know what [my] life will be like tomorrow. [I am] just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away.…”

So “what’s the good news, Katie”! Here’s the good news. God has been speaking gently, tenderly to my heart. On Monday, before we received news of our timeline I began memorizing Colossians 1:15-17. I thought this was just a way to celebrate and refocus my mind on scripture, it wasn’t until Tuesday morning as I was lying in bed praying for expedited paperwork that these works came back to me so strongly:

So clearly God spoke to my heart, “You have all you need, find in me your patience your endurance. Don’t forget the joy I’ve given you. Thank me for all you have. Remember I have enabled you, and your children to live in my light. You are free. I am good.” God moved my heart to refocus on Him. He invited me to come into His presence and spoke truth to my heart.

Later on that day a dear friend, who is in the early stages of her own adoption, came to me. She explained how her own feelings of anxiety and discouragement had been ruling her. Then she shared with me a beautiful truth God had revealed to her in a dream. In her dream God was holding out His hands to her, in one hand was her child, in the other; ours. God spoke strongly to her heart that He was holding our children in His hands. What better place can they be!

My heart is so strengthened by the reminder that God is good and that He has already provided all that I need in His son, Jesus. I am clinging to the promise that all the endurance and patience I need are found in the strength of God’s riches. I am choosing to live in the light of hope because today we are one step closer to bringing our child home. Today we are experiencing God’s peace. Today we are living in the freedom of Jesus. Today He is the good Father, holding our child in His hands.  

*after completing this blog post we received our log in date (LID). We now know that the country of origin is actively working on translating and reviewing our Dossier! This is a huge boost to our Spirits as we walk forward in faith celebrating each moment of the journey!

To follow our story or join our team of support visit our YouCaring site. 
Originally Posted: 9/18/12 on our YouCaring site.

Answered Prayers

You are the answer to our prayers!

Tony and I are realizing more and more everyday that the way God has chosen to work in this world is through His Spirit moving in His people. In other words, US! We are so grateful to be a part of His great plan for His creation and we are even more touched by the way He has chosen to use people in our lives to fulfill His purposes.

When we realized adoption was part of God's design for our life we naturally thought that we would pursue an unconventional family when our biological children were older and we were even more financially secure. Making a decision to adopt felt good, and the idea that we would do it "some day" settled in our hearts...for about 1 day! 

God made it pretty clear to us through numerous interactions that "some day" needed to look more like "today" and when He says "go" He means "now"! Don't get me wrong, there was a period of waiting and longing and wondering and struggling, but when the word came, it came fast and heavy. We were shocked by the timing and left wondering how this was supposed to happen. We were even more shocked when an interest in fostering or providing a loving temporary family environment for kids through Bethany's Safe Families program to "ease ourselves in" to adoption turned into a fast and furious pursuit of an international adoption from one of the most expensive countries possible!

Timing had held me back, finances held Tony back and the day we finally looked at each other and said "We're ready" we also laughed at the shear absurdity of what we were about to embark on. Our youngest son was not even 1 and there was no where near $40,000 in our bank account. However, and most importantly, God told us He would provide for what He had promised and when we stepped out in faith He would be there.

Time and time again during this process we have seen that very promise come true. But none so outright as this last weekend. God knows that we are in a very intense period of waiting. One that can lead to anxiety and stress as the only issues to focus on are the most distressing: time, money, and distance. Knowing our dossier is under scrutiny and the time to pay out gads of money is quickly approaching can lead to some understandable freak out moments.

Jesus has so gracefully spoken love into our hearts and turned our eyes to Him. As we were discussing our finances on Friday night Tony mentioned that he would really prefer not to pay an interest payment on the credit card that we had paid a large balance to Bethany with. Saturday morning he spent some time rearranging our budget and working some numbers so that we could pay down as much as possible, but it still was not quite enough.

As Tony was finishing up and  I was clearing off our breakfast table I noticed a little envelope under some other papers. I recognized the handwriting and assumed it was an encouraging note from a dear friend that I had overlooked. I opened it casually and along with a wonderful note, out fell a check. I peeked at it and sighed, tears springing to my eyes and showed it to Tony.

We sat at our dining room table together with tears in our eyes; moved but not surprised at our friends' generosity and their willingness to listen to the heart of God. The around was admittedly "super random" and was $11 over the amount needed to pay off our credit card without incurring an interest payment.

God did not have to do this for us. We, thankfully, have the ability to pay interest payments, and pay off debts in the future. However, the reminder that what God asked us to do He will accomplish was so overwhelming we could feel it. In a time of hard waiting He so clearly spoke to us. He is taking care of our every need.

When God's people listen, His work is mightily accomplished. We have seen the Kingdom explode in our lives in ways we never expected. We invite you to take the steps God is asking of you, figure out your design, say "yes" to Him when He speaks, go where He asks. You will not be disappointed, and you will be the answer to someone's prayer.

To follow our story or join our team of support visit our YouCaring site.
Originally Posted: 9/10/14 on our YouCaring site.

Kingdom Minded

We are so grateful for the amazing people God has placed in our lives with a vision for His Kingdom and a willingness to step up and work along-side of us!

Tony and I are avid supporters of World Vision and love what they are doing across the globe. In fact, our sponsorship of children peppered around the world was a huge catalyst in opening our hearts to international adoption. We have both been reading different books by Richard Stearns, the President of World Vision and the result has been life altering discussion in our home. 

Yesterday, while reading Stearns book "The Hole in our Gospel" I stumbled across a passage of scripture I have never understood so clearly as I do at this very point in my life. In 2 Corinthians 8 Paul is basically telling the Corinthians to give Titus a hefty sum of money to carry back with him to benefit other believers who have found themselves in difficult circumstances. To press home his point Paul says this:

"Now as you excel in everything- Faith, speech, knowledge, and in all your diligence, and in your love for us -excel also in grace. I am not saying this as a command...I am testing the genuineness of your love. For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ: Though He was rich, He became poor for your sake, so that by His poverty you might become rich. Now I am giving an opinion on this because it is profitable for you... It is not that there may be relief for others and hardship for you, but it is a question of equality - at the present time your surplus is available for their need, so their abundance may also become available for our need, so there may be equality. As it is written: The person who gathered much did not have too much, and the person who gathered little did not have to little."

It is in the spirit of this passage that we even began to consider adoption. Tony and I felt the pressing abundance in our lives, our overflow was ripping the seams of our hearts and mercifully, in His great way, God provided an avenue for the very fabric of our life to grow in a way we never dreamed. Loving our son from thousands of miles away has already begun to show us what we are made for and as the overflow of our lives gets poured out on him we find ourselves living, even more, our abundant life!

We are grateful, that in our time of emotional and relational abundance, we have others in our life who are willing to share of their abundance of time and funds. Friends and family have provided care and money and hands and ears in ways that give life and joy to our very souls. We have experienced deeply what it means to live in equality, sharing with each other and loving each other with the heart of Christ.

I love that Paul calls this type of genuine love "excelling in grace". Grace is such a beautiful gift. It is not the setting of our hearts, it is deep and nuanced, affected by life experience and shaped by the hand of God. Grace, freely given, is what Christ offers us on the cross. It is what the Samaratin offers the beaten man. It is what the father offers the prodigal.

Paul later tells the Corinthians, "...God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that always having all sufficiency in everything, you may have an abundance for every good deed." Grace is the basis for all of our goodness. It is our sufficiency. It is our abundance.

To follow our story or join our team of support visit our YouCaring site.
Originally Posted: 9/3/2014 on our YouCaring site.

Mind Training

I (Katie) read an article today in Relevant Magazine about a Finnish experiment linking cynicism and early onset dementia. Basically the article reported the idea that thinking poorly about people and situations actually causes a certain type of brain damage. This resonated deeply with me and reflects the truth of scripture and the importance of allowing Christ to transform our thoughts so that we may have life and life to the full!

It seems like cynicism, self-righteousness and judgement often become my default. This is no more true than when I know the freedom Christ has called me into and I find myself in a period of waiting. Tasks allow me to focus, to get into the dirt of life and find myself lost in God’s grace. However the mixture of understanding and time gives my brain opportunity to wander, often to places that reek of the very sins Jesus warns us about, those sins that make our worship into work, our devotion into piety, our freedom into religion. 

Jesus is constantly calling me back to a place where my mind is fixed. He has trained the paths of my neurons in so many ways (literally, remapping my brain). Yet, old ways of thinking, worldly understanding and generally traditional thought patterns are constantly pounding away my mind. This is why Paul tells us in Colossians 3 to “fix our minds on things above, not on earthly things.” More specifically, in Romans 8, we are told that “the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace.” Isn’t this what we’re all after? Isn’t this the life I want to live?

We are in an intense period of waiting. There has been virtual silence from Bethany since we have sent our Dossier. I don’t know who’s reading our file, I’m not even 100% sure what country is in possession of our paper life. All we have at this moment is time. As we wait, I ask that you would pray for my mind and heart. Would pray Romans 8 over our home and our brains, specifically 8:5-7? When you encounter scriptures about training our minds towards Jesus and away from sin will you send them to us? Keep me accountable to the heart of Jesus, allowing Him to work and me to follow and obey!

Last fall I overheard a conversation that our oldest son, then four, was having with his older cousin who had just started kindergarten. As she told about her day she threw in some details about things she didn’t love so much, at a break in her story Roman looked at her and said, “What’s the good news, Marin?”. I couldn’t help but laugh out loud and this phrase has now become part of the fabric of our family. Marin wasn’t being particularly negative, but Roman wanted to know, “what’s good” about life.

Waiting is not easy. Waiting without an idea of when the waiting will be over is even harder. I long to live in the life and peace of the Spirit. I desire to dance in the freedom of Jesus. I want to herald the reality of God’s Kingdom. So the next time you see me could you ask me, “What’s the good news, Katie?” Together we can rejoice in the work He’s accomplishing to bring all things under the rightful rule and reign of Jesus. Together we can sing a new song. Together we can see lives, hearts and minds changed, restored to all we are created to be. 

To follow our story or join our team of support visit our YouCaring site.
Originally Posted: 8/28/14 on our YouCaring site.

Hope in the Next Steps

I received this text from Tony at 9:11AM yesterday: "Paperwork was just delivered!"

I honestly have no words for what this means. While sitting at YMCA yesterday, waiting for my dear friends to begin Bible Study, Tony and I prayed over the phone for the 93 page dossier he had just sent to Bethany for inspection. Tears rolled over my cheeks and my heart burst with gratitude for the next step in a journey I am so privileged to call my own.

For now, our major work is done. We have literally sealed our life and sent it away to be checked, rechecked and hopefully approved by a government that, until two months ago, didn't even know we existed. It is an eerie feeling to know there is nothing else we can do but wait and pray...and raise funds.

Time will now speed up for us. We are in the final stages of what is already an incredibly fast process, and while we long for the day we bring our son home we realize the changes that are fast approaching our family. In every good way we anticipate the day we hold our son and the way he will forever and profoundly change us.

Please pray for our hearts in the waiting. We like working. We like getting things done. We like control, and for the next few weeks nothing is in our grasp. We cling to the promise that God is in control and that His ways are good and righteous. We ask that you would pray for our hearts of patience and gratitude as we wait. We ask that you send us texts and emails when you think of us and as God lays scripture on your hearts you speak truth over our lives.

We also ask that you enter with us into a season of praise. God has done so much! We are so fully loved and so wonderfully comforted by the knowledge that our God is the good Father, that He is faithful, and loving and true. We give Him glory for aligning us in a unique relationship with Himself and with each other as we seek to serve Him. We are grateful and thankful for abundance that is not wasted.

Please also pray for our children. The next few months will be ripe with changes for each of them. As our older two begin school in September the dynamic of our family will be in flex. Pray for the resiliency of their spirits and hearts as we help them find their place in our ever changing family. Praise God for His loving care of our children. He has given them hearts of acceptance and love beyond their years and each of them has expressed their excitement at welcoming a new member of our family. We are so grateful for the work of Jesus in the hearts of our children and we pray continued growth and generosity in all our family members.

Pray also for wisdom as we continue to raise funding for the remainder of the $27,000 of fees and travel costs. We have learned so well what Jesus meant by the "giving of our daily bread", and it is for this we pray, no more, no less, exactly the portion we need for each step. We are blessed by the efforts of Tony's brother, Chris and his wife Sarah to raise money through their passions, a Football Pool. And we hope to begin selling t-shirts to supplement costs as well (keep your eyes out!). Pray for patience and dependence on Jesus as we move forward with faith.

We pray also for you, our dear friends and supporters! As we press into Jesus and follow His call we are reminded how much God cares for us. We pray that you will enter the fullness of God's mercy and love and find His heartbeat in yours. We pray the richness of the Life of Christ for you, and rejoice that He has given each of us a unique and beautiful mission.

Thank you for supporting us as we experience the beauty of God's love! We wait, we pray, we surrender. Most importantly, we rejoice for all that God has done and is doing and is yet to do! Our hearts are full...so very, very full!

To follow our story or join our team of support visit our YouCaring site.
Originally Posted: 8/16/12 on our YouCaring site.

Utterly Astounded

Last year I turned 30 and Tony surprised me with a super fun date traveling around the city eating and reminiscing about our lives through something like 9 photo books he put together to give me at every location. It was amazing, to say the least, and revealed so much about our life together that it will always stick out in my mind as one of my favorite memories.

Perhaps it was because of the nature of that last birthday date that this year has been one filled with an explosive dose of Joy. The hundreds of photos that Tony so carefully arranged serve as a sort of alter place, a coming back to, a reminder of God’s faithfulness and love. Not because everything is as we wished it would be, not because we “have so much”, but because time after time God has shown us that He is good. He is SO good.

Throughout this year God has opened our hearts and minds and hands and home in ways we could never have imagined. The dreams I had for myself as a 15 year-old girl, though enormous, life-changing and grand, are nothing compared to the great riches of God’s Love and Life that I am currently experiencing. The Gifts of His Goodness and Faithfulness have followed me all the days of my life and now they are bursting to fullness in maturity.

 

While I am preparing for the next year of my life, I don’t cling to it. I look forward in great anticipation of what God will do, but I realize with great awe what God has already done and is doing right now. Not all that He’s given me, not all that I have, but the Work accomplished on the cross that is making me whole and bringing the entirety of creation to reconciliation with the God of the universe.

I love Habukkuk 1:5 that says, “Look at the nations and observe—be utterly astounded! For something is taking place in your days that you will not believe when you hear about it.” This so wonderfully sums up the message God has been speaking to my heart. “Look! Observe! Be utterly astounded! I AM doing something here!” Not just the here of my heart, the Here of the world, the Here of all of His creation.

This year I look forward to more. Mostly I am excited to be Here with Jesus and to join Him in what He is doing. You won’t believe it when you hear about it!

To follow our story or join our team of support visit our YouCaring site.

Originally Posted: 7/17/14 on our YouCaring site.

It's No Potato Salad

We’re not making potato salad, but we are using a crowdfunding site to raise support for our adoption.

Who knows what number of people saw the Kickstarter campaign for some kid to make potato salad. That’s right, nothing special, he just wanted to make potato salad and asked for $10 on kickstarter. 5,500+ backers later he’s banked over $40,000 for his backyard bbq dish. Believe it or not this is actually a decrease from a whopping $70,000 he raised to begin with!

This is, in all truth, INSANITY! But it represents one of the reasons we chose crowdfunding as one of the many ways to raise support for our adoption. Crowdfunding allows for something that nothing else really does and that is an immediate camaraderie of participants. Who knows why anyone would give actually cold hard cash to a kid making potato salad in their mom’s kitchen on a summer weekday afternoon, but I have a sneaking suspicion it’s a lot of people stuck in a cubicle wishing they had a bowl of potato salad and the guts to post a kickstarter campaign to make it happen. Supporting someone in the pursuit of their goals is enticing, apparently no matter how small the endeavour. Making potato salad isn’t very hard, unless you’re a kid with no potatoes. I can’t imagine what that kid feels like now, but I’m going to guess he feel like a rock star.

Tony and I chose crowdfunding as one of the ways to support our adoption because of this idea. The idea of support. Not only financial support, but also emotional and moral support. There are “dips” in the process of adopting that often leave me feeling lonely and slightly isolated. There are times when the paperwork, travel arrangements, government rig-a-ma-roll and financial burden seem mountainous. These are the times that I am so grateful for my husband and for the real and tangible evidence that we have that other people in our community support us and our child. The idea that someone has invested in this process through a financial sacrifice tells us they are with us. I do know how this makes us feel, and we feel tremendously loved.

These are a few of the incredible women of our "village".

The idea of it “taking a village” to raise a child is not lost on us. From the moment we conceived our first child we have realized that parenting is not done in a vacuum, and thank goodness for that! We find ourselves ever grateful for the village that we have found ourselves a part of over these last 6 years. Our church, friends, family and community have made raising our children a joy in which we take great delight.

I look forward to the day we look back on our kids’ lives and attribute character developments, life skills and spiritual growth to God working through our family and friends. Knowing our kids will likely love the water because of my dad and appreciate art under the tutelage of my sister is exciting. Seeing our kiddos love for Jesus grow because of the influence of God’s work in the life of Tony’s brother and sister-in-law brings us great joy. Learning to co-parent with good friends lends support and perspective we just wouldn’t have alone.

In the same way, I think about the times we will tell our son the story of his adoption. I can’t wait to include the fact that his church, extended family and friends were actively involved in bringing him home. That he was loved before he even knew us, without reservation. That financial support was only the beginning of a lifetime of learning and love from the people who touch his life on a regular basis. Knowing that, I can imagine all of our children will find a place where they are loved and belong.

It’s a little nuts that the amount of money raised for a potato salad is more than the amount even necessary to bring our child home. But, when I really think about it, I kind of love it. It gives me a hope that people really do desire to reach out to each other. Whether it’s $5, $10 or $100 people realize that even a little bit given by the individual adds up to a lot when others catch the vision. And in reality, isn’t that what we’re made to do? 

If you would like to follow our story or join our team of support visit our YouCaring site.
Originially Posted: 7/11/14 on our YouCaring site.

Logistical Tears

We have officially started our Dossier process! Right before we left for a kid-free week away we raced to the post office to send off our 1-800 paperwork letting the US government know what we're up to. If that didn't feel real enough we've since received confirmation of our intent to adopt and a preliminary acceptance from the country of origin.

Last night Tony walked me through our Dossier process and I have to say, if I didn't have the King of Paperwork at my disposal I would be a useless mess. Our agency and Tony have taken a process that would otherwise wreck me and made it look manageable and, in fact, achievable in within the next month before our US government paperwork is finalized. Working with Tony on this journey has been one of the many exposing, exhilarating and lovely things that affirms our decision to adopt.

Thinking he'd gotten me through the hardest part, (organization and planning are not my forte) Tony left me with the FAQ for travel to the country of origin. What neither of us was expecting was that while he was off making cookies I was crying my way through the logistical underpinnings of bringing home our child. I'm not sure why, and when I told Tony about it he actually smirked and said, "You cried through the frequently asked questions of the travel document? That's weird."

That's the thing about adoption. It's not logical and it takes you off guard at every turn. Complete trust and surrender are required, while making sure that all your i's are dotted and t's are crossed. You have to be utterly at the whim of the process and completely perfect in your execution.

As we continue in this process Tony is proving, yet again that he is the unwavering captain. He is stalwart and easy-going. He honestly makes this look easy. And while most of the time I'm right there with him, there are moments when I find myself facing fear, inadequacy and discouragement. I like to think of these times as dips in the process.

I am grateful Jesus meets me in the dips. In theses times He helps me realize I am not capable and if were up to my humanity I'd be tempted to give up. He fills my heart with love and as I lean on Him He strengthens me. He brings me into the light of His love and reveals His good plan. He reminds me that He is not only holding our child, He is also holding my hand.

As we move forward, I ask that you continue to pray for our hearts. We ask for strength and peace. My heart needs patience and perseverance. Obviously we are also in need of concrete physical things.

Dossier paperwork is specific and unforgiving. Pray for clear minds as we finish up paperwork and start compiling our "lives" to send off to be approved.

In addition please pray for funding. We are researching grants however most will not be awarded until after the adoption is finalized and cannot be submitted until we receive our Letter of Acceptance from the country of origin. However most of our balance to Bethany and the country of origin must be paid before we travel. Please pray for wisdom as we proceed and for financial support as we prepare for our son's arrival.

Thank you for your continued support and prayer! We are so excited for the future and we are rejoicing in the process!

If you would like to follow our story or join our team of support visit our YouCaring site.
Originally Posted: 7/1/12 on our YouCaring site.

APPROVED!

 Our Homestudy is approved!!!

Since beginning to search for agencies in late February, to finding our child in March, announcing our adoption to our families in April, conducting our homestudy and educating ourselves in May, we have arrived at June!

We received our full homestudy approval Monday, June 09 and we are so pleased to be able to announce the adoption of our child to our world! Tony and I have been overwhelmed by the response of those closest to us in theses early days of the adoption process and we are trusting God as we move forward in our journey.

Photo credit Haverlee Colyer

The next steps for us involve filing government paper work, filing for and receiving our visas, compiling our dossier of important paperwork with the help of Bethany Services Dossier Specialist and continuing our adoption education. We are still unaware of what our exact timeline is, but because we have an identified child we expect the process to run quite quickly. It is likely we will travel within the next 6 months to bring our child home!

Tony and I have seen God work in amazing ways throughout this process so far and we are continuing to trust Him in the impossible. Through the generous support of close friends and God's provision we have been able to stay current on all of our payments to Bethany up to this point. We are now waiting for paperwork to go through and more funds to be raised so we can move forward. We continue to trust that as we move forward God will provide as necessary. We invite you into this incredible process and humbly ask for your support both financially and through prayer as we continue.

Please pray for smooth processes both with the US and with the country of origin. Pray for discernment for Tony and me as we press on in the areas of family development, connectedness in our marriage and readiness for the changes that lie ahead for our family. Pray also for wisdom in our finances and provision in this area.

We also ask for special prayer for our little one who is so far from us. Pray for those working with our child that they feel loved and cared for as they care for our child. Please ask God to comfort our child with real and tangible human touch. Pray also for the physical care and nourishment of our child.

Most of all we ask that you rejoice with us in a God who loves so desperately! Our hearts are filled to overflowing by the love and grace of Jesus and we are so excited to welcome the gift of this child into our family!

If you would like to join our to follow our story or join our team of support please visit our YouCaring site.
Originally posted: 6/12/14 on our YouCaring site.

Growing Through Love

 Over the last few years we have been walking a journey with Jesus that has lead us to places beyond our imagining. God has faithfully pursued us and has filled our hearts to overflowing. It is out of this overflow of love that we are excited to welcome a new member into the Chiaramonte family.

photo credit Haverlee Colyer

While our hearts have been drawn to adoption, it has been unclear the path we would take. God opened the door to our child through Bethany Christian Services' "These 400" program. "These 400" is a database consisting of children waiting to be adopted around the globe. There are many reasons children are considered "waiting children", among them are special needs, advanced age, or sibling groups.

We had no idea what we would encounter as we browsed the list of children and fully expected that a match for our family would take some time. We were unsure where God would lead us in terms of age, gender or country of origin, but we knew where to start...so we did.

It didn’t take long for God to lead us to a specific child that Tony and I both felt drawn to. We have now been preliminarily matched with this child and we are beginning our home study process with Bethany. We are so ecstatic and cannot wait to continue this journey towards bringing this child home to our family, friends and community.

Due to the nature of the waiting child program, there are strict privacy policies regarding the children listed. There are many details we are excited to share however, in order to protect this child, we are bound by a code of confidentiality with Bethany and the country of origin. We will update as often as we have new information that we are able to share. Please check back often as our prayer needs will certainly be great!

To follow our story or join our team of support visit our YouCaring site. 

Originally posted: April 8, 2014 on our YouCaring site.

God Kisses

(photo credit tablespoon.com)

I have a thing for curly hair. I have always wanted it. Curly hair, is to me, the power behind cool girls. It represents carefree ease and simplicity in a way that flat ironed, highlighted, blow-dried hair just doesn't. For some reason I see freedom in those twisted tresses.

If you weren't aware of this, hair is a pretty big deal. There are vast markets based on these dead cells that grow out of tiny follicles stretched over our skulls.  It's weird when you think about it, but hair matters. Ask any man who's loosing his, he'll tell you. Well, anyway, hair matters...to us.

I never thought for a minute that my hair matters to God. Chop it, twist it, color it, flatten it, pin it who cares?! Not God!  I never got up in the morning and asked God, "what should we do with this pile of old skin today?" It really never entered my mind. Until it did.

Workin' my hair for all it was worth '05 (left) '08 (right)

Until I was pregnant, and then wasn't, and then was again, and then had a baby, and then began nursing, and then I was pregnant again, and then I was nursing and pregnant and then I had a 2nd baby and then all the hair that I had grown and lost and grown again started to pull at my scalp. Hi! I had really put my body through a lot, and it's not like I was done. I chopped my hair and started growing it out again, and when it was just at the longest it had ever been...you guessed it. Pregnant again.

Now, my hair is thick! It takes 15 minutes to blow-dry when it's short, when it's two feet down my back and fueled by super pregnancy progesterone it's impossible. Add two toddlers and a giant belly to this mess and I couldn't even stand up long enough to make it look decent in a top knot.

gradually giving up my need to control '10 (left photo credit Abby Thompson Flies) and '10 (right)

In a weird way God was breaking me. Not just the hair, it was everything (see crazy paragraph above). I was a baby making, milk-producing machine. Living off hormones and chocolate, unable to tie my own shoes. In all His majestic ways, God was bringing me to my knees before the throne. He asked me to give up everything I could control so that He could show His great power. Not the least of which was my hair.

Of course there is so much more to this story than my hair, but all that for another day. Today it's about the hair.

After my 3rd child arrived in all his 9lb. 6oz splendor, the bloom of my long locks began to fade and it was eventually time to relinquish my crowning glory to the cutting room floor. It may not have been awesome but at least it was a good security blanket. I chopped 9 inches off in one sitting and returned back a second time to snip off another inch or so. I was free and light and...curly.

I never really put this into a "God" category, which is ridiculous in and of itself, but this morning as I was getting ready I really felt like this curliness is a gift. Not to say that I pleased God enough that He granted my wish of curly hair. I don't believe God is in the wish granting business, but I do believe He knows me. He knows my heart and my desires. He knows my body and my chemistry. He knows everything about me and sometimes He chooses for all those things to come together to impress His love upon me. My mom has always called these "God Kisses" and I think that is really the right term for it.

 (photo credit candidlypretty.blogspot.com)

James 1:17 says "Every generous act and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights; with Him there is no variation or shadow cast by turning." When trying to shrug off the feeling that my curly hair is a "God Kiss" this verse came to mind. Curly hair is so trivial, but it's generous of God to think of it. It's so meaningless, except that it is a perfect gift to a girl who's always dreamed of it. I never prayed for curly hair, or thought in anyway I would have naturally curly hair (intermittent perms do not count as actually curly hair) In some way I feel like it's God saying to me, "This is you. You're free. Enjoy it."

Mostly I think this is a "God Kiss" because He's enabled me to see it as such. Until this morning I've just scrunched up my hair and not thought a second about it, but for some reason today was the day I realized what's going on here. God is revealing Himself to me. He's reminding me He's cares about my deepest thoughts. He's telling me I'm His and that is what makes me good.

All my hair could fall out tomorrow, every stitch. I honestly would not care. In the great scheme of things my hair doesn't matter. What matters is that I serve a God who goes down deep into my heart and loves me well. Who remains good and goes to great lengths to remind me I am FREE. He knows every hair on my head, and for now, He's made them curly.

Little me circa 1992

Down Deep

It was 5:56AM when I heard my firstborn son call out this morning. "DAD! DAAAAD!" It is important to say that his 3 year old sister was sleeping soundly in the bunk directly beneath him. My husband sighed and said, "is he calling me?" (Uh, duh?!) I didn't answer and he eventually got the deal and headed up the stairs.

5:56AM is early, I'm not sure if you know this. And it is even earlier for a pre-menstrual mother of three children under the age of 5. It is even earlier when your 8 month old baby wakes up at 6:15AM wanting a bottle, your 3 year old rouses groggily at 6:25AM and your loving husband is out the door by 6:30AM to head off to his newly minted workout regime that you don't love so much. Oh, did I mention I was still sleeping off the Unisom I took last night so I could sleep through hormone induced insomnia. This day did not start well.

As I was lying in bed trying to muster the strength to open my eye lids and grasping at who I could be mad at, God spoke gently to me. We have been memorizing 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 as a family and this morning God calmed my heart with His Word. "Be joyful always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."

This sums up our life most days

I have to admit, when God calls me to His word I am often annoyed. I want to dig in my heels and be selfish, sluggish and angry. I want to act like my 4 year old and thrash against the logic that is presented to me through God's loving words. I want to, in short, be human. But God, through His Word and through the sanctifying work of Christ calls me to become come out of mere humanity and enter the life giving fray of His will.

Through the years I have learned to accept the call to memorization and meditation. To allow the words of God to sink in deep into my heart and begin their work. I have realized that rote memorization and the carrying of note cards tucked in my Big Bible are not helpful to me, but application of Scripture to my circumstances is changing my heart. Working out the words of God in my day to day existence has proved to me how real and delightful and life-giving they truly are.

So as I laid in bed this morning I prayed "God make me joyful. God help me to turn to you in prayer. Thank you God that my children are healthy and happy and secure. Thank you that you have a will for me and it involves joy, prayer and thankfulness. Oh, and God...do this day for me. Please help me get out of this bed!"

His Word is truth and it never comes back void. Case in point. I am awake. I am writing. I am living in the very words of God through Christ Jesus, the living and active Word of God.

Now if you'll excuse me. The baby is awake, and I'm sure he needs to be fed.