This Much Closer

Last night as we were all gathered around the dinner table Roman looked at Tony and said, “How close are we to [our new sibling]?” Neither Tony nor I ever have a good answer to this question because the process has been so unpredictable so we simply said, “We’re this much closer, bud.” It’s true, we are closer today than we were yesterday and tomorrow we’ll be closer than we are today. This answer usually satisfies or 5 year-old, but it’s hard to stay content with this answer as two adults in our 30s who have had a plan for most of their lives.

The waiting and silence has been heavy the last few weeks in our home. I (Katie) have gotten to a place where the adoption is in some recessed corner of my mind just waiting to be revisited. I think it’s easier this way. It doesn’t mess with me as much. I can focus on other areas of my life, which is good, and hard, and sometimes not so good. When the waiting becomes lengthy, without end, discontentment can start to fester and the need to move can produce unrest in my Spirit.

This is the place I was in this morning when Roman brought me a little drawing of our family he was working on. One by one he added members and when he was finished he showed me our little family. Super cute. Although he was not satisfied. Something was not right. He continued to draw and came back and said, “There mom, here’s [our sibling] you’re holding him, cause he’s a tiny baby.” It was the first time Roman has drawn our family including our new addition, and even though we all know he’s not a tiny baby the idea of holding him, and seeing it depicted was heart-melting. Beautiful. I think our oldest is incredibly intuitive. He knows what I need to see and hear before I do. He ministered well to my heart on a day I was beginning to feel numb.

I have decided we may also want to add prophetic to the list of characteristics our eldest son possesses because after a much needed heart-to-heart with a good friend, Tony called me as I was on my way home.

“Did you check your email yet?” He said. “Uh, no” I replied. “Well, we got a message from Bethany.” Most of the communication with our agency lately has been business as usual, office closings, matching nights, seminars, nothing super pertinent to our process, so I had a feeling this was big news. “Let me just read it to you”, he said. This was the message:

Hi Chiaramonte family!

Since you were preliminarily matched to a child prior to your dossier being logged in, your dossier is being expedited by the CCCWA. According to their online system, your dossier has now been translated. It is awaiting review and approval so that it can be matched up to the child’s file. The review process may still take several weeks, but once that is complete, we will be very close to LOA!

This is huge! HUGE! A process that we thought might take us through Christmas may be finished up by the end of the month. There is still immigration paperwork, visas and travel that all take time, but a huge chunk of what needs to be accomplished will be done within the next several weeks! Words cannot express the feeling of lightness and joy this brings! We truly are this much closer to bringing our “baby” home.

I am reminded today again of what Jesus has been saying to my heart so often during this process, “So be careful to do what the LORD your God has commanded you; do not turn aside to the right or to the left.” This has been banging around in my mind and today when I looked it up I found it in Deuteronomy 5. The following verse is just as impactful, “You shall walk in all the way which the LORD your God has commanded you, that you may live and that it may be well with you, and that you may prolong your days in the land which you will possess.”

As the Israelites believed in the Promised Land, Tony and I believe that the “land which you will possess” is none other than the Kingdom of God, the New World Order where Jesus reigns as King over all! I am reminded today that so many things distract us from this reality, but when we follow His commands for our own lives and we walk in the way He has commanded us it will be well with us and we will be “this much closer” to the reality of Kingdom of God in our lives. 

Originally Posted on 10/10/14 on our YouCaring site.

To follow our story or become part of our team of support please visit our YouCaring site.

Let it Flow

Last week Tony was gone for three days followed by a weekend of roofing, gathering housewares for a family whose home burned down, teaching Sunday school, laughing, talking and crying. This weekend we experienced the rolling joy of the Kingdom of God that has burst into our life and this morning we woke up tired and sore and full.

Tony and I have been on a journey that has been ongoing throughout our lives, and recently it seems the fullness of all that God has taught us is washing over us at once. All around us we hear the question being asked, even by other believers, “what is this all about?” Whether it’s life in general, Christianity or following Jesus everyone seems to be asking the question, “Why?”

We have asked this question. In fact, I can remember a night about two years ago in our living room during our church small group when I said, “What makes my life more compelling than anyone else’s? Why would anyone choose what I have chosen in following Christ?” Little did I know that this question would be the floodgate that needed to be opened in my life in order for the River of God to flow out from me onto a waiting world.

You see most of my life has been spent, like most other people in my sub-group of white, suburban, conservative America, learning to be good and do good. Most of my life it has been taught through the lens of my Christian faith, and for the most part I felt I was doing good, not just good GREAT! I am law abiding, serving, nice, and generous. We give our money and our time and we do it with a happy heart. And you know what, so do A LOT of other people, and a lot of the them don’t even know Jesus. So how is it that my life is more compelling than anyone else’s? Why would anyone want what I have? Why would anyone choose Jesus?

The answer in one simple and satisfying word is, I believe, freedom. Freedom not just for myself, but for humanity. Freedom not just from sin, but to a life that is full and satisfying and redeemed. Freedom to choose love and justice and grace. Freedom to run wild with abandon as the person I was made to be. Freedom from everything that would hold me under it’s spell. Freedom to be free!

The awesome paradox about this freedom is that it has cost me nothing and it has cost me everything. Because of the restoration power of Christ’s resurrection I am declared perfectly just in the eyes of God. I am fully free from the grip of sin, brokeness and evil and it’s mastery over me. Nothing, nothing, nothing I have done has persuaded Jesus to give me this righteousness. It is His free gift to all of humanity declaring us not guilty in the sight of a holy God. In this way, the gift of the empty tomb has cost me nothing.

I am grateful for the freedom of this new life and the gift of Jesus as King. I am willing to pay the price it costs to live inside of this freedom and newness, under the rule of the One who laid the foundations of the earth. The cost for this is everything! Everything I thought I wanted. Everything I thought I was. Everything I’m told to follow. Everything I lay down. When I surrender it all to Him I realize that these things I offer were never mine. The treasures and worries and strivings I cling to are worthless and in His glory God burns them away and replaces them with blessings I could never have imagined.

In living into this new order in my life I have laid down countless “treasures”. Control. Apathy. Judgement. Acceptance. Validation. Grief. Anxiety. Depression. I have given over my children, my home, my money, my husband, my cars, my clothes, my food, my health, my friends, my family, my time, my talents. Over and over and over again. This isn’t a one time and I’m done kind of deal, it’s a minute by minute giving over. A surrender of moments. A restoration of mind, body and soul. It’s never ending, I hope, because discovering this freedom is the most exhilarating endeavor of my life.

So, after perhaps the most intense weekend of loving others we have ever had Tony and I are feeling something we never thought: Ready! We are ready for more! Longing to pour out what Jesus is pouring in. Longing to let justice flow like a mighty river. Longing to press on, press in, and live out this amazing new dynamic.

We are so grateful, that in this season, a season of longing for our child, waiting on paperwork and governments and adoption workers we don’t have to stop living. That God has called us not just to adoption, or parenthood, or marriage, or teaching, or mothering, or working, or artistry, or homemaking. He has called us to freedom and in every moment of our lives He provides us an opportunity to be more alive. 

Orignially posted on October 6, 2014 on our youcaring site: youcaring.com/chiaramonte

Lifetime of Love

Today marks the day in history 32 years ago when my husband entered the world! It is a great day. A day that totally changed my life and I am so grateful for it!

I fell in love with Tony in the 4th grade because he totally looked like Aladdin. If you don't agree with me your probably not thinking of the right Aladdin. He was quiet and nerdy and nothing like crazy-spastic, out-going me, but boy was he C-U-T-E!

It's not an exaggeration to say that Tony was for all intents and purposes my first real crush. It was purely surface, but hey, what 4th grade infatuation isn't. Plus, it's super fun to be able to say that my love has come full circle! Oh so cheesy, and delicious.

I am so glad that my 4th grade crush turned into a lifetime of love. I don't know very many people who can say that they went to their proms, most of their homecomings and nearly every other important event in their life with the person they are pledged to forever. Tony and I share so much history and so much future. It makes my heart leap to know that in the end, the person I will have the most memories with is him.

Tony and I were 21 when we got married. We still had one year of college left and we were babies! The first year of our marriage was so much fun. I can say definitively this was my favorite year of college and the only one I'd truly love to relive.

He is, most notably, a Golden Retriever with a Gopher soul. He is sensible, loyal, pragmatic and analytical, but when he lets loose he really lets loose. This is one of my favorite pics of Tony because it shows him at his best. When we were asked to dress up and "hide" in plain site for a ministry event Tony took it to the next level by purchasing professional supplies and applying is own old age make-up. I also love this because, even though its nearly 10 years ago, he still has that sweater.

There are a million other pictures to share and a million more stories I could tell, but no one wants to read that. Just let it be known: I have married the friend of my heart, his love grows my love, and his life is a tremendous gift to this world (I know right! That's pretty intense). I can't wait to see where the next year takes us together. I want to follow him to the ends of the earth!

Reluctantly Fall

Last week fall descended on Iowa like a blitz! It was horrible, rainy, and cold and my heart began the deep winter's hibernation that forces all of my barefoot, sun-soaked, freckled faced soul into a corner under a blanket. Mercifully summer rebounded for another glorious weekend and the following days have been milder, but much easier to stomach than the shocking toss into early winter.

The last few days have been awesome, boot-wearing, warm beverage carrying, wagon pulling goodness. Around this time each year my mom and I like to make our way just 30 minutes south of her house to a quaint side-of-the-road mum farm. It is beautiful, and the amazing burst of chrysanthemums, gourds, pumpkins, peppers and other fall foliage soothes sweet salve on to my heart before I have to wrap it up for a long winter.

Wagons full of pumpkins were a welcome sight. There is something about a flatbed full of plump orange pumpkins that fills me with readiness for the new season. I love this picture because I feel like I could be my mom 30 years ago, especially if she had a little boy. Styles have come back around and I'm sure I could find a picture of her from the early '80s looking almost identical.

Of course J. snagged a pumpkin right away. He pretty much kept one hand on it the whole time calling out "BA-- BA--" ("ball").

I'm not a photographer, but the light and color on these ornamental peppers made me feel like one. I love how they all bunched together to look like little flowers made of flame.

I don't actually remember the first time I saw a huge assortment of gourds like this, but I do know that every time I come across these weird, pocked, goitered things I think "this is me, if I were to grow from the ground, this is what I would hope to look like."

My mom heard cattle lowing and spent a good portion of our time sniffing them out so J. could catch a glimpse of these beauties. They were just being weaned from their mamas so they were skiddish and cranky, but so picturesque, especially in the pastoral setting of the mum farm.

My mom is an avid gardener and spends hours tilling, weeding and tending each summer. Fall is her planting season so a trip to the mum farm is pay-dirt. She was hauling two wagons full of autumn glory and enlisted the help of my toddler son to help pull her loot. I have always ALWAYS loved my mom's hands and this picture, I think, speaks for itself.

After we unloaded everything at my moms house, J. took it upon himself to make room for the new plantings. This is just one of the hundreds of lovely flowers in my moms gardens. They are huge and bursting with color...evidently they don't smell the greatest though.

Now that we've been to the mum farm I feel almost ready for fall. I still want to swim one more time, feel the heat of the summer sun on my back and watch my kids run through a field with their shoes off and their hair wild. However, I am so looking forward to what fall and winter hold for our family this year.

For now I will reluctantly slide into fall. I will allow myself to be reminded of the beauty and elegance of creation. I will read the gospel story painted in the sky. I will cling to Jesus, who Rend Collective so artful calls, "my never-ending Summer" and He will "burn away the winter of my cold and weary heart."

All Endurance

On Friday we received the news that our Dossier is on it’s way to the Country of Origin and we couldn’t have been more thrilled! I think Tony’s text to me summed up our feelings: “Skidoo!” it read, “I meant to say Wahoo, but autocorrect seemed to express my feelings.” It’s true, “skidoo!” is how it feels to have our 90-some page formal document biography sent to the country where our child lives. Though it’s so far away, and our child will never hold it, it’s nice to know that someone, somewhere in that country at least knows we exists. We can’t be there physically, but now we are there on paper!

As soon as I found out our paperwork was on its way to out of the country, in my mind, I was too. I was packing in my head, figuring out arrangements for our kids, holding our newest kiddo on my lap. I was ready to board a plane tomorrow. According to our service plan we would be traveling in late 2014 and that plus the fact that our Dossier is now on file in the review room put me in the mindset that we are inches away from the finish line. We immediately emailed our agency to double check our timeline and see if we would be traveling even earlier than we expected. We wanted to be prepared.

The news that followed hit me like a punch in the gut. Not only will we not be traveling within the next few months, it will take our Dossier an average of 3 months to get through the review process. Three MONTHS! THREE MONTHS! That’s just the Dossier, after that we have paperwork, visas, travel plans, etc… our time line that just 3 days ago was, to me, 6-8 weeks, has now lengthened to 5-7 MONTHS! I was discouraged.

Throughout this process we have managed to keep ourselves positive, looking to what God is doing in the now, celebrating victories and milestones as they come. But when the news came that we were almost there my focus shifted and all of a sudden my hope became what God will do instead of what God is doing. I had allowed myself to say “tomorrow I will do this and that, or we will go to this and that country.” If there’s anything God has spoken to my heart during this process it is DON’T DO THIS! James 4:13 has been all over my heart, but in my haste I forgot “... [I] do not know what [my] life will be like tomorrow. [I am] just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away.…”

So “what’s the good news, Katie”! Here’s the good news. God has been speaking gently, tenderly to my heart. On Monday, before we received news of our timeline I began memorizing Colossians 1:15-17. I thought this was just a way to celebrate and refocus my mind on scripture, it wasn’t until Tuesday morning as I was lying in bed praying for expedited paperwork that these works came back to me so strongly:

So clearly God spoke to my heart, “You have all you need, find in me your patience your endurance. Don’t forget the joy I’ve given you. Thank me for all you have. Remember I have enabled you, and your children to live in my light. You are free. I am good.” God moved my heart to refocus on Him. He invited me to come into His presence and spoke truth to my heart.

Later on that day a dear friend, who is in the early stages of her own adoption, came to me. She explained how her own feelings of anxiety and discouragement had been ruling her. Then she shared with me a beautiful truth God had revealed to her in a dream. In her dream God was holding out His hands to her, in one hand was her child, in the other; ours. God spoke strongly to her heart that He was holding our children in His hands. What better place can they be!

My heart is so strengthened by the reminder that God is good and that He has already provided all that I need in His son, Jesus. I am clinging to the promise that all the endurance and patience I need are found in the strength of God’s riches. I am choosing to live in the light of hope because today we are one step closer to bringing our child home. Today we are experiencing God’s peace. Today we are living in the freedom of Jesus. Today He is the good Father, holding our child in His hands.  

*after completing this blog post we received our log in date (LID). We now know that the country of origin is actively working on translating and reviewing our Dossier! This is a huge boost to our Spirits as we walk forward in faith celebrating each moment of the journey!

To follow our story or join our team of support visit our YouCaring site. 
Originally Posted: 9/18/12 on our YouCaring site.

Answered Prayers

You are the answer to our prayers!

Tony and I are realizing more and more everyday that the way God has chosen to work in this world is through His Spirit moving in His people. In other words, US! We are so grateful to be a part of His great plan for His creation and we are even more touched by the way He has chosen to use people in our lives to fulfill His purposes.

When we realized adoption was part of God's design for our life we naturally thought that we would pursue an unconventional family when our biological children were older and we were even more financially secure. Making a decision to adopt felt good, and the idea that we would do it "some day" settled in our hearts...for about 1 day! 

God made it pretty clear to us through numerous interactions that "some day" needed to look more like "today" and when He says "go" He means "now"! Don't get me wrong, there was a period of waiting and longing and wondering and struggling, but when the word came, it came fast and heavy. We were shocked by the timing and left wondering how this was supposed to happen. We were even more shocked when an interest in fostering or providing a loving temporary family environment for kids through Bethany's Safe Families program to "ease ourselves in" to adoption turned into a fast and furious pursuit of an international adoption from one of the most expensive countries possible!

Timing had held me back, finances held Tony back and the day we finally looked at each other and said "We're ready" we also laughed at the shear absurdity of what we were about to embark on. Our youngest son was not even 1 and there was no where near $40,000 in our bank account. However, and most importantly, God told us He would provide for what He had promised and when we stepped out in faith He would be there.

Time and time again during this process we have seen that very promise come true. But none so outright as this last weekend. God knows that we are in a very intense period of waiting. One that can lead to anxiety and stress as the only issues to focus on are the most distressing: time, money, and distance. Knowing our dossier is under scrutiny and the time to pay out gads of money is quickly approaching can lead to some understandable freak out moments.

Jesus has so gracefully spoken love into our hearts and turned our eyes to Him. As we were discussing our finances on Friday night Tony mentioned that he would really prefer not to pay an interest payment on the credit card that we had paid a large balance to Bethany with. Saturday morning he spent some time rearranging our budget and working some numbers so that we could pay down as much as possible, but it still was not quite enough.

As Tony was finishing up and  I was clearing off our breakfast table I noticed a little envelope under some other papers. I recognized the handwriting and assumed it was an encouraging note from a dear friend that I had overlooked. I opened it casually and along with a wonderful note, out fell a check. I peeked at it and sighed, tears springing to my eyes and showed it to Tony.

We sat at our dining room table together with tears in our eyes; moved but not surprised at our friends' generosity and their willingness to listen to the heart of God. The around was admittedly "super random" and was $11 over the amount needed to pay off our credit card without incurring an interest payment.

God did not have to do this for us. We, thankfully, have the ability to pay interest payments, and pay off debts in the future. However, the reminder that what God asked us to do He will accomplish was so overwhelming we could feel it. In a time of hard waiting He so clearly spoke to us. He is taking care of our every need.

When God's people listen, His work is mightily accomplished. We have seen the Kingdom explode in our lives in ways we never expected. We invite you to take the steps God is asking of you, figure out your design, say "yes" to Him when He speaks, go where He asks. You will not be disappointed, and you will be the answer to someone's prayer.

To follow our story or join our team of support visit our YouCaring site.
Originally Posted: 9/10/14 on our YouCaring site.

Kingdom Minded

We are so grateful for the amazing people God has placed in our lives with a vision for His Kingdom and a willingness to step up and work along-side of us!

Tony and I are avid supporters of World Vision and love what they are doing across the globe. In fact, our sponsorship of children peppered around the world was a huge catalyst in opening our hearts to international adoption. We have both been reading different books by Richard Stearns, the President of World Vision and the result has been life altering discussion in our home. 

Yesterday, while reading Stearns book "The Hole in our Gospel" I stumbled across a passage of scripture I have never understood so clearly as I do at this very point in my life. In 2 Corinthians 8 Paul is basically telling the Corinthians to give Titus a hefty sum of money to carry back with him to benefit other believers who have found themselves in difficult circumstances. To press home his point Paul says this:

"Now as you excel in everything- Faith, speech, knowledge, and in all your diligence, and in your love for us -excel also in grace. I am not saying this as a command...I am testing the genuineness of your love. For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ: Though He was rich, He became poor for your sake, so that by His poverty you might become rich. Now I am giving an opinion on this because it is profitable for you... It is not that there may be relief for others and hardship for you, but it is a question of equality - at the present time your surplus is available for their need, so their abundance may also become available for our need, so there may be equality. As it is written: The person who gathered much did not have too much, and the person who gathered little did not have to little."

It is in the spirit of this passage that we even began to consider adoption. Tony and I felt the pressing abundance in our lives, our overflow was ripping the seams of our hearts and mercifully, in His great way, God provided an avenue for the very fabric of our life to grow in a way we never dreamed. Loving our son from thousands of miles away has already begun to show us what we are made for and as the overflow of our lives gets poured out on him we find ourselves living, even more, our abundant life!

We are grateful, that in our time of emotional and relational abundance, we have others in our life who are willing to share of their abundance of time and funds. Friends and family have provided care and money and hands and ears in ways that give life and joy to our very souls. We have experienced deeply what it means to live in equality, sharing with each other and loving each other with the heart of Christ.

I love that Paul calls this type of genuine love "excelling in grace". Grace is such a beautiful gift. It is not the setting of our hearts, it is deep and nuanced, affected by life experience and shaped by the hand of God. Grace, freely given, is what Christ offers us on the cross. It is what the Samaratin offers the beaten man. It is what the father offers the prodigal.

Paul later tells the Corinthians, "...God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that always having all sufficiency in everything, you may have an abundance for every good deed." Grace is the basis for all of our goodness. It is our sufficiency. It is our abundance.

To follow our story or join our team of support visit our YouCaring site.
Originally Posted: 9/3/2014 on our YouCaring site.