Experiment 1: The "What" Cup?

The Alive Project is a series of experiments based on the leading of the Holy Spirit to experience the daily life of another with the express purpose of acknowledging and understanding the heart of God towards His created order. 

This is my first experiment: The Menstrual Cup
 
A couple of years ago my chiropractor, who is awesome, tried to get me to try one of these bad boys:

 

This is a menstrual cup, if you live in the Midwestern United States and know what this is you are probably also familiar with the benefits baby wearing, were to locate a Kombucha starter, and not only what an essential oil is but how to use it effectively to cure almost anything. For the rest of us, this is what you might guess it is. You fold it up, stick it in, and dump it when appropriate during your cycle. Basically it's a reusable alternative to a tampon. Let's be honest, it doesn't look like a BETTER alternative. Oh, did I mention you have to fish it out with your fingers and clean it after each "wear"? It's also the size of an espresso cup. Yeah, thanks but no thanks, Dr. Laura.

And that's just what I told her. The menstrual cup is not for me. I have three kids and an active lifestyle. I am not always at home to dump and clean a silicone cup after each use. I don't have gads of time on my hands to figure out how to "suction" (yeah, that's right) it properly against my cervix every time I have to reinsert it. Let's be honest I'm not too keen on the idea of "reinsertion" anyway. Also, I'm not sure when the last time you went to the bathroom alone was, but I'm pretty sure the last time I had my period I had to explain to my 4 year old daughter what a "mommy bandaid" was. You know if they don't have it at Target it's probably not even a real thing anyway.

Every month these and many other excuses kept me from lugging myself out to Whole Foods to pick up a Diva Cup. Even though I contemplated making the switch to the cup, every cycle I would dutifully buy a box of Kotex and an extra package of pads for the Family Promise ministry at my kids' preschool. I felt like I was using this unavoidable chore to help someone else and accomplish what I needed, building "service" into my everyday life. This was fine, until this image popped up on my newsfeed last week, the week before my period mind you: 

The image was accompanied by this headline "How Menstrual Cups Are Changing Lives In East Africa". Now you must understand that if you put something on my newsfeed with the word "Changing Lives" in the title I am about 75% likely to click it, but couple that with those little hands and an image of something that I had already been thinking about, feeling nudged toward...forget it, I'm reading that article, and I AM going to cry about it.

The article laid out how young women in East Africa were using the cup as an alternative to their other sources of relief from bleeding. The author sites "leaves, newspaper, rags, cotton, bits of mattress stuffing, even mud" as routinely utilized methods to provide protection for women in parts of the world where a package of pads cost $1.00, around three-quarters of a days wage in some cases. 

In some complete craziness the author details how menstrual cups are changing these women's lives. Because the cups are reusable for up to 15 years women are gaining economically stable ground. Because they only have to change them once every 12 hours, girls can go to school during their period when they normally could not. Women in East Africa are gaining freedom and confidence as a result of this small silicone cup!

Well, that was it for me. I got off Facebook and logged onto Amazon to check these suckers out. Yikes! Reading the reviews was beyond excruciating. One that particularly stood out was "going to the hospital, this thing is suctioned to my cervix and won't come off, THE PAIN!" Yeah, not a selling point. Apparently there is a lot of controversy with these little guys. I wasn't sure. That paired with the fact that the initial investment is about $30 and I wasn't sure I was going to like it, I signed off and that was that. 

But I kept thinking about it. And those girls in Africa. I kept going back over the pros and cons. I kept weighing  the decision in my head. So I decided to do what any rational woman would and go to the one person who would understand this decision...my husband.

Hilarious right?! I told him I was thinking to switching to this "cup" thing and he had a few questions, duh! After talking frankly about it for a little bit he was indifferent and basically said "whatever". I told him I didn't really care either except for this one thing...These women...in Africa...it's changing their lives. Remarkably, my husband understood. He understood that I wanted to understand and he said, "Go for it!" 

So, I ordered my Diva Cup. Size Two please (yes, they have sizes). And I waited. My period was coming soon. I'd give it a try. If I hate it I hate it. If not great! It'll save us some money in the long run. 

And so, with one click of the mouse, The Alive Project was underway, but I didn't know it then. I pretty much thought that I was just switching my hygiene practices. I didn't know what it was going to bring up in me. I didn't even think to think about how I would feel about it. I'm sure that's why when it came in the mail and I started wearing it what happened to my heart surprised me.

 

The Alive Project

What does it mean to be Alive? Truly alive? Not what does it mean to be me, simply what does it mean to BE? This question has been nagging me as of late. I want to know, not only what it is to be a white, suburban, middle-class, American, woman. I want to know what it is to be human. I have found myself so wrapped up in my own culture and experience that the world outside of my small sphere of influence seems like a setting in a book with the characters only coming to life when I choose to open the cover, break the binding and begin reading. When it gets to be too much, I simply close the book, stick it on the shelf and go about my daily life. It’s what I call my “Other People Problem.”

I remember admitting to my husband a truth I have been ashamed of my whole life, my “Other People Problem”. I turned to him after some sort of conversation about someone or something and said, “I just have such a problem with the concept of other people.” He was, understandably taken aback, because, of course, everyone understands the concept of other people. However, as I went on to process my own thoughts it became apparent to me that the main issue in my “Other People Problem” is simply that I cannot see things how other people see them. I deeply want to understand what other people are thinking and feeling, but I have no clue how to connect with them. Outside of the small number of people I call my friends and family I cannot understand the human dynamic. In short, I have NO empathy.

When thinking about this today I ran across a posting by a good friend of mine of Facebook. It was this short video made with excerpts from a lecture by Dr. Brené Brown on the differences between Sympathy and Empathy. Her words and the truth of them struck to the heart of my “Other People Problem”. The truth of the matter is, I have LOADS of sympathy, but very little empathy. I am really good at feeling bad for you, but I am terrible at feeling with you.

Dr. Brown says this in the video, “Empathy is a vulnerable choice because in order to connect with you I have to connect with something within myself that knows that feeling.” I think this may come to the order of what it is to be alive. That in some way empathy is innately tied to the nature of God and therefore to us as His created beings. This is a marker on the path that I have been walking toward, a “signpost”, if you will, on the journey towards what it means to be truly alive.

This confirms in my spirit what I believe God has been telling me about myself and my journey over the last few years. Knowing that life is not just about me or my personal relationship with God, though this is important; but understanding that God desires me to feel what He feels for His world. He desires me to empathize, to feel what the world feels and to feel what He feels for His world. In this great cyclical pattern I can begin to connect with others and also with the heart of God Himself.  When I have empathy with others I begin to have empathy with God. I begin to understand how He feels about His creation, humanity, the workings of the world. As I connect with the created, I begin to connect with the Creator.  

And so, I have decided to embark on The Alive Project, the aim of which is to connect with the world that God loves so much. I don’t know how long the project will last or what it will entail, but I do know that God is pushing me further into the reality of His heart and His Kingdom on Earth. There is very little criterion for what experiments will comprise the breadth of the project, only this, the leading of the Holy Spirit to experience the daily life of another with the express purpose of acknowledging and understanding the heart of God towards His created order. 

I cannot wait to share with you the most recent experiment and how it has changed me. It is interesting and mundane all at the same time, but it is worthy and holy. Several posts on each experiment will follow. As long as Jesus leads me, I will follow, choosing to say “yes” to connection. Choosing to move forward. Choosing to live fully ALIVE.

Radiant Love

The radiant love of Jesus glitters like diamonds

Shines like stars

Lights a fire in our hearts

The radiant love of Jesus is not hidden

It is worn like a jewel

Treasured like a prize

The radiant love of Jesus drives us forward

Opens our eyes

Enlightens our minds

The radiant love of Jesus is never-ending

In infinite supply

Meant for all

The radiant love of Jesus 

Rescues

Transforms

Heals

His love is like Radiant Diamonds

 

 

All the Promises

What do you pray when you don’t know what to pray? I am starting to learn that what I can pray is the truth of Scripture, the promises of God and the desires of my heart. In this case I know at least two of the three will hold up as the Truth of who God is never changes. In regards to the desires of my heart, I realize that these are not always in line with God’s plans and often He changes my heart as I pray, but sometimes...oh, sometimes these desires are met with wonderful and explosive Love!

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These last few months have been an emotional roller coaster for our family, especially me. The waiting, resting, wondering, surrendering, hoping, praying, patient pursuit of our son has left me ragged. Add to that the calling of God on our life to stretch forward into His plan for our life with little to no knowledge of the future and you have a recipe for a Katie puddle at the base of the cross. Expectations, longing, brokeness and restoration have collided in real and tangible ways in our living room, in restaurants, in friends’ homes...at the Y. Most days, these past few weeks were spent in processing mode trying to understand our place in God’s Kingdom and how He is manifesting that in our lives.

Since our last update we have been praying for our Dossier processing and the arrival of our Letter of Acceptance from the Country of Origin. Our prayer the entire time remained steady expediency, for the employees of the government to have persistence in their daily work and for patience for our anxious hearts. Since our paperwork arrived in the Country of Origin during one of their most vibrant national holidays we imagined our documents being shuffled under piles and being left for after the country-wide, week-long vacation. It seems we were correct in our assumptions as our LOA took the longest expected time to be processed.

My prayer throughout the entire process had been that we receive our LOA before Christmas. I’m not sure why I had chosen this date in my mind, but to me, it seemed appropriate and kept my mind fixated on a goal. The Friday before Christmas I had all but given up hope that it would arrive and had resigned myself to a Christmas break spent in the same Limbo in which we had been living. God’s promises remained the same. His character was unchanged. He was still so loving and good, but I’m not gonna lie...I really wanted that piece of paper. Once again I laid down my expectations and took a deep breath, one more holiday spent waiting, one more family milestone missing a piece, one more day wondering.

God in His goodness knows when to answer us. He delights in delighting in us. He loves to love us...and love us well. Monday morning we received word from our agency that our LOA had arrived and it would be overnighted to us to arrive the next day...Christmas Eve Day. Along with all the symbolism that Christmas Eve represents, it also is the day we celebrate Christmas with our small little band, just the 5 of us in our jammies opening stockings and gifts. Tony and I traditionally don’t get each other anything for Christmas, but I couldn’t help thinking what an incredible gift it was to open that Letter on the day we celebrate the Savior of the world, 2014 years later He is still redeeming, still working, still active, still answering the prayers of an expectant heart.

Honestly, here is where the timeline turns fuzzy for me. I know we signed papers for grant applications. Tony sent our immigration paperwork to our government and rounded up our passports and shipped them off to a complete stranger to courier them to the Consulate in Chicago for our Visas. Our case worker informed us of a $1000 anonymous donation made to our existing balance from someone we didn’t even know, and gifted Christmas monies covered the cost of our paperwork. Prayers for provision, knowledge and rest were all granted. Deep soul desires were met, not because of incredible acts of faith on our part, but because of the loving acts of our Father whose Glory fills the earth.

Our timeline is still sketchy. Because our paperwork traveled to our government after Christmas we lost days due to our country’s main holiday. Post offices were closed, government offices have days of rest and we are waiting. Today is New Year’s Eve and we found out this morning our 1-800 has reached the USCIS and has been logged into processing. We are deeply grateful for the systems in this country that allow us to be kept apprised of the process and hope for more updates as we continue. It is my prayer that the days of rest for those involved in our case with invigorate them in their work, providing the refreshment needed to serve the families in our country in our same situation.

In the midst of all these amazing steps forward I am most grateful for one afternoon spent moving furniture and setting up a little bed and a little chair and a little table. Hanging artwork and loving filling selves. I am grateful for little sheets and pillows and blankets. I am grateful our son now has a corner of earth to call his own. His own bed, his own chair, his own table, his own books, his own map, his own pictures. Here, so far away from where his story began, he will find roots. He will know what it’s like to breath his own air and fill his lungs fully. He can stretch out. He can feel loved. He can rest.

God is so good. When we don’t know what to pray He fills our mouths. When we don’t know what to do, He directs our steps. The earth belongs to Him and everything in it. When we turn our hearts toward Him he reminds us that everyday, in everyway, He is saving us...all of us. He is the Light of the World and He is overcoming every ounce of our darkness. He is a good Father. We are all His children and He loves us all so much...so very, very much!

For more on our story or to join our team of support visit our YouCaring site.

From Ashes

November is National Adoption Month and as we sit on the approaching eve of our own adoption I am riddled with feelings of conflict. There are so many voices, images, songs, shows, movies, stories that express the beauty and redemption of adoption. It is truly beautiful...for me.

I am not coming at adoption from the heartbreak of infertility. I have lost a pregnancy, but I haven’t grappled with what it is to choose adoption out of the tears of my flesh. I haven’t lost a parent or a sibling or a friend and chosen to love their child as my own while secretly mourning and navigating my own grief. I don’t know what it’s like to raise my own grandchild. I have not been the adoptive parent of a spouse’s child abandoned by choice or by death. I don’t know that pain, and I won’t pretend to. To pretend to know how it feels to have a child woven into the fabric of a family by any of these needles is unfair. I have seen it in every way, but I won’t pretend to know what it feels like.

I am not, and have not been a child that has felt the loss of family. I don’t know what it is like to huddle in my bed at night alone and cold wondering if someone will come. I’ve never packed my belongings in a garbage bag for another “hopeful” situation. I can’t begin to imagine what it is to be left in a dumpster, by the side of the road, in a public bathroom, on a doorstep, at an orphanage, or with a family member because the burden of me is too much for my parents. I don’t know what it’s like to have the message that “you are unloved” or “you are utterly alone” play over and over inside my head. I can’t imagine the pain and loss that is felt when your own flesh gives you up. I’ve never lost a parent, let alone both of them. I’ve never seen my parents struggle to feed my siblings so much that they have given me away to someone who can. I don’t know what war and poverty and hunger and injustice can do to me from the inside out, shaking the very foundation of my family until we tear apart. I don’t know. I won’t pretend to.

 

Adoption is beautiful but it is born out of the ashes of tragedy, out of a life that has been ravaged by the fires of hell. It is a redemption song that should never have to be sung. But yet, here we are, singing at the top of our lungs. The same song that Jesus sings over us, He sings to those who are sitting now in a closet, or backseat, or at a funeral, or tied to a crib or in the loving arms of a foster parent, or orphanage worker. He sings the song of the Cross, He sings, “It is Finished” - your pain, your heartbreak, your tragedy - they are real - but I am REAL-ER!

Jesus cries out to the fatherless in a way that only He can. Jesus heals our broken hearts and redeems our crooked paths. He takes all that is shattered and makes it whole. He puts back the pieces of a twisted humanity and He calls us - you and me to do the same.

There comes a time in our lives when we look at the ashes around us and we dress in sackcloth and rub them into our hair, our skin, embed them under our fingernails and feel them between our toes. We wear our ashes and the ashes of others, we feel the heat of the embers still flickering and we wail for the injustice of sin. Sitting in ashes we cry out and we pray.

As the ashes turn to dust, the rain begins to fall. The wind of the Spirit rushes and the dry bones take on flesh. The beauty of the resurrection is this - We no longer sit in ashes, we are no longer covered in dust. We look at the grit beneath our feet and realize it is beginning to sprout. We know, deep inside, that newness is coming. Out of the dust, He is making us beautiful. A life that has been burned to the ground is being rebuilt on Kingdom footings, a heart torn apart is being forged back the way it was always intended.

This beauty, this newness is coming; on the backs of children and parents, in the arms of foster families and welcomed orphans, by the feet of relief aid workers and walking invalids, through the tears of healing babies and legal advocates. Hearts are being restored by signed documents, and shared struggles. The redemption song is being sung by every Mother, Father, Sister, Brother, Grandparent, Aunt, Uncle, Husband, Wife, Niece, Nephew, Friend, Pastor, Child...In the voice of every motherless orphan, every childless father, every husbandless wife, every where, in every corner of the world this song is being sung.

We are being restored. And our restoration rarely comes in the lonely hour. Someone has sat in our ashes. Someone has seen the flowers beginning to bud at their feet. Someone is helping us grow the Garden of God in our life. Others are fertilizing, pruning, planting, nurturing, loving us with the very love of Jesus. We need each other if we are to be whole. We need to reach out so others can see and feel what it is to be made whole.

There is beauty in ashes, and the beauty is this. Nothing that has ever been, or ever will be the tragic tale of your life is beyond the redemption of Jesus. Your heartache, your loss, your pain, your abandonment, your flickering ashes are the breeding ground of Grace. Jesus hears your heartcry. He weeps. He mourns. He heals.

It is right to rejoice in the story of adoption, the story of redemption and renewal. But it is also right to rejoice in sober reflection and respect for those things we know nothing about. Love and peace and truth and grace are all found here. Beauty from ashes...from ashes.   

To follow our adoption story or to support our adoption please visit Youcaring.com/chiaramonte

This Much Closer

Last night as we were all gathered around the dinner table Roman looked at Tony and said, “How close are we to [our new sibling]?” Neither Tony nor I ever have a good answer to this question because the process has been so unpredictable so we simply said, “We’re this much closer, bud.” It’s true, we are closer today than we were yesterday and tomorrow we’ll be closer than we are today. This answer usually satisfies or 5 year-old, but it’s hard to stay content with this answer as two adults in our 30s who have had a plan for most of their lives.

The waiting and silence has been heavy the last few weeks in our home. I (Katie) have gotten to a place where the adoption is in some recessed corner of my mind just waiting to be revisited. I think it’s easier this way. It doesn’t mess with me as much. I can focus on other areas of my life, which is good, and hard, and sometimes not so good. When the waiting becomes lengthy, without end, discontentment can start to fester and the need to move can produce unrest in my Spirit.

This is the place I was in this morning when Roman brought me a little drawing of our family he was working on. One by one he added members and when he was finished he showed me our little family. Super cute. Although he was not satisfied. Something was not right. He continued to draw and came back and said, “There mom, here’s [our sibling] you’re holding him, cause he’s a tiny baby.” It was the first time Roman has drawn our family including our new addition, and even though we all know he’s not a tiny baby the idea of holding him, and seeing it depicted was heart-melting. Beautiful. I think our oldest is incredibly intuitive. He knows what I need to see and hear before I do. He ministered well to my heart on a day I was beginning to feel numb.

I have decided we may also want to add prophetic to the list of characteristics our eldest son possesses because after a much needed heart-to-heart with a good friend, Tony called me as I was on my way home.

“Did you check your email yet?” He said. “Uh, no” I replied. “Well, we got a message from Bethany.” Most of the communication with our agency lately has been business as usual, office closings, matching nights, seminars, nothing super pertinent to our process, so I had a feeling this was big news. “Let me just read it to you”, he said. This was the message:

Hi Chiaramonte family!

Since you were preliminarily matched to a child prior to your dossier being logged in, your dossier is being expedited by the CCCWA. According to their online system, your dossier has now been translated. It is awaiting review and approval so that it can be matched up to the child’s file. The review process may still take several weeks, but once that is complete, we will be very close to LOA!

This is huge! HUGE! A process that we thought might take us through Christmas may be finished up by the end of the month. There is still immigration paperwork, visas and travel that all take time, but a huge chunk of what needs to be accomplished will be done within the next several weeks! Words cannot express the feeling of lightness and joy this brings! We truly are this much closer to bringing our “baby” home.

I am reminded today again of what Jesus has been saying to my heart so often during this process, “So be careful to do what the LORD your God has commanded you; do not turn aside to the right or to the left.” This has been banging around in my mind and today when I looked it up I found it in Deuteronomy 5. The following verse is just as impactful, “You shall walk in all the way which the LORD your God has commanded you, that you may live and that it may be well with you, and that you may prolong your days in the land which you will possess.”

As the Israelites believed in the Promised Land, Tony and I believe that the “land which you will possess” is none other than the Kingdom of God, the New World Order where Jesus reigns as King over all! I am reminded today that so many things distract us from this reality, but when we follow His commands for our own lives and we walk in the way He has commanded us it will be well with us and we will be “this much closer” to the reality of Kingdom of God in our lives. 

Originally Posted on 10/10/14 on our YouCaring site.

To follow our story or become part of our team of support please visit our YouCaring site.

Let it Flow

Last week Tony was gone for three days followed by a weekend of roofing, gathering housewares for a family whose home burned down, teaching Sunday school, laughing, talking and crying. This weekend we experienced the rolling joy of the Kingdom of God that has burst into our life and this morning we woke up tired and sore and full.

Tony and I have been on a journey that has been ongoing throughout our lives, and recently it seems the fullness of all that God has taught us is washing over us at once. All around us we hear the question being asked, even by other believers, “what is this all about?” Whether it’s life in general, Christianity or following Jesus everyone seems to be asking the question, “Why?”

We have asked this question. In fact, I can remember a night about two years ago in our living room during our church small group when I said, “What makes my life more compelling than anyone else’s? Why would anyone choose what I have chosen in following Christ?” Little did I know that this question would be the floodgate that needed to be opened in my life in order for the River of God to flow out from me onto a waiting world.

You see most of my life has been spent, like most other people in my sub-group of white, suburban, conservative America, learning to be good and do good. Most of my life it has been taught through the lens of my Christian faith, and for the most part I felt I was doing good, not just good GREAT! I am law abiding, serving, nice, and generous. We give our money and our time and we do it with a happy heart. And you know what, so do A LOT of other people, and a lot of the them don’t even know Jesus. So how is it that my life is more compelling than anyone else’s? Why would anyone want what I have? Why would anyone choose Jesus?

The answer in one simple and satisfying word is, I believe, freedom. Freedom not just for myself, but for humanity. Freedom not just from sin, but to a life that is full and satisfying and redeemed. Freedom to choose love and justice and grace. Freedom to run wild with abandon as the person I was made to be. Freedom from everything that would hold me under it’s spell. Freedom to be free!

The awesome paradox about this freedom is that it has cost me nothing and it has cost me everything. Because of the restoration power of Christ’s resurrection I am declared perfectly just in the eyes of God. I am fully free from the grip of sin, brokeness and evil and it’s mastery over me. Nothing, nothing, nothing I have done has persuaded Jesus to give me this righteousness. It is His free gift to all of humanity declaring us not guilty in the sight of a holy God. In this way, the gift of the empty tomb has cost me nothing.

I am grateful for the freedom of this new life and the gift of Jesus as King. I am willing to pay the price it costs to live inside of this freedom and newness, under the rule of the One who laid the foundations of the earth. The cost for this is everything! Everything I thought I wanted. Everything I thought I was. Everything I’m told to follow. Everything I lay down. When I surrender it all to Him I realize that these things I offer were never mine. The treasures and worries and strivings I cling to are worthless and in His glory God burns them away and replaces them with blessings I could never have imagined.

In living into this new order in my life I have laid down countless “treasures”. Control. Apathy. Judgement. Acceptance. Validation. Grief. Anxiety. Depression. I have given over my children, my home, my money, my husband, my cars, my clothes, my food, my health, my friends, my family, my time, my talents. Over and over and over again. This isn’t a one time and I’m done kind of deal, it’s a minute by minute giving over. A surrender of moments. A restoration of mind, body and soul. It’s never ending, I hope, because discovering this freedom is the most exhilarating endeavor of my life.

So, after perhaps the most intense weekend of loving others we have ever had Tony and I are feeling something we never thought: Ready! We are ready for more! Longing to pour out what Jesus is pouring in. Longing to let justice flow like a mighty river. Longing to press on, press in, and live out this amazing new dynamic.

We are so grateful, that in this season, a season of longing for our child, waiting on paperwork and governments and adoption workers we don’t have to stop living. That God has called us not just to adoption, or parenthood, or marriage, or teaching, or mothering, or working, or artistry, or homemaking. He has called us to freedom and in every moment of our lives He provides us an opportunity to be more alive. 

Orignially posted on October 6, 2014 on our youcaring site: youcaring.com/chiaramonte