Lifetime of Love

Today marks the day in history 32 years ago when my husband entered the world! It is a great day. A day that totally changed my life and I am so grateful for it!

I fell in love with Tony in the 4th grade because he totally looked like Aladdin. If you don't agree with me your probably not thinking of the right Aladdin. He was quiet and nerdy and nothing like crazy-spastic, out-going me, but boy was he C-U-T-E!

It's not an exaggeration to say that Tony was for all intents and purposes my first real crush. It was purely surface, but hey, what 4th grade infatuation isn't. Plus, it's super fun to be able to say that my love has come full circle! Oh so cheesy, and delicious.

I am so glad that my 4th grade crush turned into a lifetime of love. I don't know very many people who can say that they went to their proms, most of their homecomings and nearly every other important event in their life with the person they are pledged to forever. Tony and I share so much history and so much future. It makes my heart leap to know that in the end, the person I will have the most memories with is him.

Tony and I were 21 when we got married. We still had one year of college left and we were babies! The first year of our marriage was so much fun. I can say definitively this was my favorite year of college and the only one I'd truly love to relive.

He is, most notably, a Golden Retriever with a Gopher soul. He is sensible, loyal, pragmatic and analytical, but when he lets loose he really lets loose. This is one of my favorite pics of Tony because it shows him at his best. When we were asked to dress up and "hide" in plain site for a ministry event Tony took it to the next level by purchasing professional supplies and applying is own old age make-up. I also love this because, even though its nearly 10 years ago, he still has that sweater.

There are a million other pictures to share and a million more stories I could tell, but no one wants to read that. Just let it be known: I have married the friend of my heart, his love grows my love, and his life is a tremendous gift to this world (I know right! That's pretty intense). I can't wait to see where the next year takes us together. I want to follow him to the ends of the earth!

Reluctantly Fall

Last week fall descended on Iowa like a blitz! It was horrible, rainy, and cold and my heart began the deep winter's hibernation that forces all of my barefoot, sun-soaked, freckled faced soul into a corner under a blanket. Mercifully summer rebounded for another glorious weekend and the following days have been milder, but much easier to stomach than the shocking toss into early winter.

The last few days have been awesome, boot-wearing, warm beverage carrying, wagon pulling goodness. Around this time each year my mom and I like to make our way just 30 minutes south of her house to a quaint side-of-the-road mum farm. It is beautiful, and the amazing burst of chrysanthemums, gourds, pumpkins, peppers and other fall foliage soothes sweet salve on to my heart before I have to wrap it up for a long winter.

Wagons full of pumpkins were a welcome sight. There is something about a flatbed full of plump orange pumpkins that fills me with readiness for the new season. I love this picture because I feel like I could be my mom 30 years ago, especially if she had a little boy. Styles have come back around and I'm sure I could find a picture of her from the early '80s looking almost identical.

Of course J. snagged a pumpkin right away. He pretty much kept one hand on it the whole time calling out "BA-- BA--" ("ball").

I'm not a photographer, but the light and color on these ornamental peppers made me feel like one. I love how they all bunched together to look like little flowers made of flame.

I don't actually remember the first time I saw a huge assortment of gourds like this, but I do know that every time I come across these weird, pocked, goitered things I think "this is me, if I were to grow from the ground, this is what I would hope to look like."

My mom heard cattle lowing and spent a good portion of our time sniffing them out so J. could catch a glimpse of these beauties. They were just being weaned from their mamas so they were skiddish and cranky, but so picturesque, especially in the pastoral setting of the mum farm.

My mom is an avid gardener and spends hours tilling, weeding and tending each summer. Fall is her planting season so a trip to the mum farm is pay-dirt. She was hauling two wagons full of autumn glory and enlisted the help of my toddler son to help pull her loot. I have always ALWAYS loved my mom's hands and this picture, I think, speaks for itself.

After we unloaded everything at my moms house, J. took it upon himself to make room for the new plantings. This is just one of the hundreds of lovely flowers in my moms gardens. They are huge and bursting with color...evidently they don't smell the greatest though.

Now that we've been to the mum farm I feel almost ready for fall. I still want to swim one more time, feel the heat of the summer sun on my back and watch my kids run through a field with their shoes off and their hair wild. However, I am so looking forward to what fall and winter hold for our family this year.

For now I will reluctantly slide into fall. I will allow myself to be reminded of the beauty and elegance of creation. I will read the gospel story painted in the sky. I will cling to Jesus, who Rend Collective so artful calls, "my never-ending Summer" and He will "burn away the winter of my cold and weary heart."

All Endurance

On Friday we received the news that our Dossier is on it’s way to the Country of Origin and we couldn’t have been more thrilled! I think Tony’s text to me summed up our feelings: “Skidoo!” it read, “I meant to say Wahoo, but autocorrect seemed to express my feelings.” It’s true, “skidoo!” is how it feels to have our 90-some page formal document biography sent to the country where our child lives. Though it’s so far away, and our child will never hold it, it’s nice to know that someone, somewhere in that country at least knows we exists. We can’t be there physically, but now we are there on paper!

As soon as I found out our paperwork was on its way to out of the country, in my mind, I was too. I was packing in my head, figuring out arrangements for our kids, holding our newest kiddo on my lap. I was ready to board a plane tomorrow. According to our service plan we would be traveling in late 2014 and that plus the fact that our Dossier is now on file in the review room put me in the mindset that we are inches away from the finish line. We immediately emailed our agency to double check our timeline and see if we would be traveling even earlier than we expected. We wanted to be prepared.

The news that followed hit me like a punch in the gut. Not only will we not be traveling within the next few months, it will take our Dossier an average of 3 months to get through the review process. Three MONTHS! THREE MONTHS! That’s just the Dossier, after that we have paperwork, visas, travel plans, etc… our time line that just 3 days ago was, to me, 6-8 weeks, has now lengthened to 5-7 MONTHS! I was discouraged.

Throughout this process we have managed to keep ourselves positive, looking to what God is doing in the now, celebrating victories and milestones as they come. But when the news came that we were almost there my focus shifted and all of a sudden my hope became what God will do instead of what God is doing. I had allowed myself to say “tomorrow I will do this and that, or we will go to this and that country.” If there’s anything God has spoken to my heart during this process it is DON’T DO THIS! James 4:13 has been all over my heart, but in my haste I forgot “... [I] do not know what [my] life will be like tomorrow. [I am] just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away.…”

So “what’s the good news, Katie”! Here’s the good news. God has been speaking gently, tenderly to my heart. On Monday, before we received news of our timeline I began memorizing Colossians 1:15-17. I thought this was just a way to celebrate and refocus my mind on scripture, it wasn’t until Tuesday morning as I was lying in bed praying for expedited paperwork that these works came back to me so strongly:

So clearly God spoke to my heart, “You have all you need, find in me your patience your endurance. Don’t forget the joy I’ve given you. Thank me for all you have. Remember I have enabled you, and your children to live in my light. You are free. I am good.” God moved my heart to refocus on Him. He invited me to come into His presence and spoke truth to my heart.

Later on that day a dear friend, who is in the early stages of her own adoption, came to me. She explained how her own feelings of anxiety and discouragement had been ruling her. Then she shared with me a beautiful truth God had revealed to her in a dream. In her dream God was holding out His hands to her, in one hand was her child, in the other; ours. God spoke strongly to her heart that He was holding our children in His hands. What better place can they be!

My heart is so strengthened by the reminder that God is good and that He has already provided all that I need in His son, Jesus. I am clinging to the promise that all the endurance and patience I need are found in the strength of God’s riches. I am choosing to live in the light of hope because today we are one step closer to bringing our child home. Today we are experiencing God’s peace. Today we are living in the freedom of Jesus. Today He is the good Father, holding our child in His hands.  

*after completing this blog post we received our log in date (LID). We now know that the country of origin is actively working on translating and reviewing our Dossier! This is a huge boost to our Spirits as we walk forward in faith celebrating each moment of the journey!

To follow our story or join our team of support visit our YouCaring site. 
Originally Posted: 9/18/12 on our YouCaring site.

Answered Prayers

You are the answer to our prayers!

Tony and I are realizing more and more everyday that the way God has chosen to work in this world is through His Spirit moving in His people. In other words, US! We are so grateful to be a part of His great plan for His creation and we are even more touched by the way He has chosen to use people in our lives to fulfill His purposes.

When we realized adoption was part of God's design for our life we naturally thought that we would pursue an unconventional family when our biological children were older and we were even more financially secure. Making a decision to adopt felt good, and the idea that we would do it "some day" settled in our hearts...for about 1 day! 

God made it pretty clear to us through numerous interactions that "some day" needed to look more like "today" and when He says "go" He means "now"! Don't get me wrong, there was a period of waiting and longing and wondering and struggling, but when the word came, it came fast and heavy. We were shocked by the timing and left wondering how this was supposed to happen. We were even more shocked when an interest in fostering or providing a loving temporary family environment for kids through Bethany's Safe Families program to "ease ourselves in" to adoption turned into a fast and furious pursuit of an international adoption from one of the most expensive countries possible!

Timing had held me back, finances held Tony back and the day we finally looked at each other and said "We're ready" we also laughed at the shear absurdity of what we were about to embark on. Our youngest son was not even 1 and there was no where near $40,000 in our bank account. However, and most importantly, God told us He would provide for what He had promised and when we stepped out in faith He would be there.

Time and time again during this process we have seen that very promise come true. But none so outright as this last weekend. God knows that we are in a very intense period of waiting. One that can lead to anxiety and stress as the only issues to focus on are the most distressing: time, money, and distance. Knowing our dossier is under scrutiny and the time to pay out gads of money is quickly approaching can lead to some understandable freak out moments.

Jesus has so gracefully spoken love into our hearts and turned our eyes to Him. As we were discussing our finances on Friday night Tony mentioned that he would really prefer not to pay an interest payment on the credit card that we had paid a large balance to Bethany with. Saturday morning he spent some time rearranging our budget and working some numbers so that we could pay down as much as possible, but it still was not quite enough.

As Tony was finishing up and  I was clearing off our breakfast table I noticed a little envelope under some other papers. I recognized the handwriting and assumed it was an encouraging note from a dear friend that I had overlooked. I opened it casually and along with a wonderful note, out fell a check. I peeked at it and sighed, tears springing to my eyes and showed it to Tony.

We sat at our dining room table together with tears in our eyes; moved but not surprised at our friends' generosity and their willingness to listen to the heart of God. The around was admittedly "super random" and was $11 over the amount needed to pay off our credit card without incurring an interest payment.

God did not have to do this for us. We, thankfully, have the ability to pay interest payments, and pay off debts in the future. However, the reminder that what God asked us to do He will accomplish was so overwhelming we could feel it. In a time of hard waiting He so clearly spoke to us. He is taking care of our every need.

When God's people listen, His work is mightily accomplished. We have seen the Kingdom explode in our lives in ways we never expected. We invite you to take the steps God is asking of you, figure out your design, say "yes" to Him when He speaks, go where He asks. You will not be disappointed, and you will be the answer to someone's prayer.

To follow our story or join our team of support visit our YouCaring site.
Originally Posted: 9/10/14 on our YouCaring site.

Kingdom Minded

We are so grateful for the amazing people God has placed in our lives with a vision for His Kingdom and a willingness to step up and work along-side of us!

Tony and I are avid supporters of World Vision and love what they are doing across the globe. In fact, our sponsorship of children peppered around the world was a huge catalyst in opening our hearts to international adoption. We have both been reading different books by Richard Stearns, the President of World Vision and the result has been life altering discussion in our home. 

Yesterday, while reading Stearns book "The Hole in our Gospel" I stumbled across a passage of scripture I have never understood so clearly as I do at this very point in my life. In 2 Corinthians 8 Paul is basically telling the Corinthians to give Titus a hefty sum of money to carry back with him to benefit other believers who have found themselves in difficult circumstances. To press home his point Paul says this:

"Now as you excel in everything- Faith, speech, knowledge, and in all your diligence, and in your love for us -excel also in grace. I am not saying this as a command...I am testing the genuineness of your love. For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ: Though He was rich, He became poor for your sake, so that by His poverty you might become rich. Now I am giving an opinion on this because it is profitable for you... It is not that there may be relief for others and hardship for you, but it is a question of equality - at the present time your surplus is available for their need, so their abundance may also become available for our need, so there may be equality. As it is written: The person who gathered much did not have too much, and the person who gathered little did not have to little."

It is in the spirit of this passage that we even began to consider adoption. Tony and I felt the pressing abundance in our lives, our overflow was ripping the seams of our hearts and mercifully, in His great way, God provided an avenue for the very fabric of our life to grow in a way we never dreamed. Loving our son from thousands of miles away has already begun to show us what we are made for and as the overflow of our lives gets poured out on him we find ourselves living, even more, our abundant life!

We are grateful, that in our time of emotional and relational abundance, we have others in our life who are willing to share of their abundance of time and funds. Friends and family have provided care and money and hands and ears in ways that give life and joy to our very souls. We have experienced deeply what it means to live in equality, sharing with each other and loving each other with the heart of Christ.

I love that Paul calls this type of genuine love "excelling in grace". Grace is such a beautiful gift. It is not the setting of our hearts, it is deep and nuanced, affected by life experience and shaped by the hand of God. Grace, freely given, is what Christ offers us on the cross. It is what the Samaratin offers the beaten man. It is what the father offers the prodigal.

Paul later tells the Corinthians, "...God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that always having all sufficiency in everything, you may have an abundance for every good deed." Grace is the basis for all of our goodness. It is our sufficiency. It is our abundance.

To follow our story or join our team of support visit our YouCaring site.
Originally Posted: 9/3/2014 on our YouCaring site.

Mind Training

I (Katie) read an article today in Relevant Magazine about a Finnish experiment linking cynicism and early onset dementia. Basically the article reported the idea that thinking poorly about people and situations actually causes a certain type of brain damage. This resonated deeply with me and reflects the truth of scripture and the importance of allowing Christ to transform our thoughts so that we may have life and life to the full!

It seems like cynicism, self-righteousness and judgement often become my default. This is no more true than when I know the freedom Christ has called me into and I find myself in a period of waiting. Tasks allow me to focus, to get into the dirt of life and find myself lost in God’s grace. However the mixture of understanding and time gives my brain opportunity to wander, often to places that reek of the very sins Jesus warns us about, those sins that make our worship into work, our devotion into piety, our freedom into religion. 

Jesus is constantly calling me back to a place where my mind is fixed. He has trained the paths of my neurons in so many ways (literally, remapping my brain). Yet, old ways of thinking, worldly understanding and generally traditional thought patterns are constantly pounding away my mind. This is why Paul tells us in Colossians 3 to “fix our minds on things above, not on earthly things.” More specifically, in Romans 8, we are told that “the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace.” Isn’t this what we’re all after? Isn’t this the life I want to live?

We are in an intense period of waiting. There has been virtual silence from Bethany since we have sent our Dossier. I don’t know who’s reading our file, I’m not even 100% sure what country is in possession of our paper life. All we have at this moment is time. As we wait, I ask that you would pray for my mind and heart. Would pray Romans 8 over our home and our brains, specifically 8:5-7? When you encounter scriptures about training our minds towards Jesus and away from sin will you send them to us? Keep me accountable to the heart of Jesus, allowing Him to work and me to follow and obey!

Last fall I overheard a conversation that our oldest son, then four, was having with his older cousin who had just started kindergarten. As she told about her day she threw in some details about things she didn’t love so much, at a break in her story Roman looked at her and said, “What’s the good news, Marin?”. I couldn’t help but laugh out loud and this phrase has now become part of the fabric of our family. Marin wasn’t being particularly negative, but Roman wanted to know, “what’s good” about life.

Waiting is not easy. Waiting without an idea of when the waiting will be over is even harder. I long to live in the life and peace of the Spirit. I desire to dance in the freedom of Jesus. I want to herald the reality of God’s Kingdom. So the next time you see me could you ask me, “What’s the good news, Katie?” Together we can rejoice in the work He’s accomplishing to bring all things under the rightful rule and reign of Jesus. Together we can sing a new song. Together we can see lives, hearts and minds changed, restored to all we are created to be. 

To follow our story or join our team of support visit our YouCaring site.
Originally Posted: 8/28/14 on our YouCaring site.

Hope in the Next Steps

I received this text from Tony at 9:11AM yesterday: "Paperwork was just delivered!"

I honestly have no words for what this means. While sitting at YMCA yesterday, waiting for my dear friends to begin Bible Study, Tony and I prayed over the phone for the 93 page dossier he had just sent to Bethany for inspection. Tears rolled over my cheeks and my heart burst with gratitude for the next step in a journey I am so privileged to call my own.

For now, our major work is done. We have literally sealed our life and sent it away to be checked, rechecked and hopefully approved by a government that, until two months ago, didn't even know we existed. It is an eerie feeling to know there is nothing else we can do but wait and pray...and raise funds.

Time will now speed up for us. We are in the final stages of what is already an incredibly fast process, and while we long for the day we bring our son home we realize the changes that are fast approaching our family. In every good way we anticipate the day we hold our son and the way he will forever and profoundly change us.

Please pray for our hearts in the waiting. We like working. We like getting things done. We like control, and for the next few weeks nothing is in our grasp. We cling to the promise that God is in control and that His ways are good and righteous. We ask that you would pray for our hearts of patience and gratitude as we wait. We ask that you send us texts and emails when you think of us and as God lays scripture on your hearts you speak truth over our lives.

We also ask that you enter with us into a season of praise. God has done so much! We are so fully loved and so wonderfully comforted by the knowledge that our God is the good Father, that He is faithful, and loving and true. We give Him glory for aligning us in a unique relationship with Himself and with each other as we seek to serve Him. We are grateful and thankful for abundance that is not wasted.

Please also pray for our children. The next few months will be ripe with changes for each of them. As our older two begin school in September the dynamic of our family will be in flex. Pray for the resiliency of their spirits and hearts as we help them find their place in our ever changing family. Praise God for His loving care of our children. He has given them hearts of acceptance and love beyond their years and each of them has expressed their excitement at welcoming a new member of our family. We are so grateful for the work of Jesus in the hearts of our children and we pray continued growth and generosity in all our family members.

Pray also for wisdom as we continue to raise funding for the remainder of the $27,000 of fees and travel costs. We have learned so well what Jesus meant by the "giving of our daily bread", and it is for this we pray, no more, no less, exactly the portion we need for each step. We are blessed by the efforts of Tony's brother, Chris and his wife Sarah to raise money through their passions, a Football Pool. And we hope to begin selling t-shirts to supplement costs as well (keep your eyes out!). Pray for patience and dependence on Jesus as we move forward with faith.

We pray also for you, our dear friends and supporters! As we press into Jesus and follow His call we are reminded how much God cares for us. We pray that you will enter the fullness of God's mercy and love and find His heartbeat in yours. We pray the richness of the Life of Christ for you, and rejoice that He has given each of us a unique and beautiful mission.

Thank you for supporting us as we experience the beauty of God's love! We wait, we pray, we surrender. Most importantly, we rejoice for all that God has done and is doing and is yet to do! Our hearts are full...so very, very full!

To follow our story or join our team of support visit our YouCaring site.
Originally Posted: 8/16/12 on our YouCaring site.