Experiment 1: Out of the shadows

* The Alive Project is a series of experiments based on the leading of the Holy Spirit to experience the daily life of another with the express purpose of acknowledging and understanding the heart of God towards His created order.  

Every girl is ashamed of their period. We are taught it is gross and unseemly and dirty. We are taught to hide it away to cover up all traces of it. Flush it, throw it away, in some situations BURN it. We are taught it is ugly. There is something about a cup on your counter that you can't ignore. For some reason, some how it is bringing my period out of the shadows for me. And along with my period it is bringing something of my personhood with it.

I have always been a firm believer in the equality of the sexes. I believe men and women were created with unique assets, and we live in compliment to one another. When working in tandem we represent a whole picture of the character of God and the working of His hands. What I have failed to realize is how unusual this idea really is and how affected our society, our world, even our churches are by the idea that women, in some way are inferior because of the structure of our bodies, our minds and our reproductive systems.

Researching the empowerment that the cup is bringing to women around the world I am excited for the future. Women who have been hidden away because of the shame of their period are now able to go to school, enter the workforce, provide for their families and generally go about daily life in vital ways that before they were unable to. Who are these women and what do they have to offer the world? I wonder with this change in the landscape of femininity around the world, what will the women of the world remind us we are capable of or where we need to be brought out of the shadows in our own corner of the world.

Around 2 days into the experiment I started to realize what the cup was doing for these women, and then I started to realize the liberation that may mean for them in the long run. It forced me to look at my own freedom as a woman and the limitations I have accepted from others based on my gender and to be honest, I got mad! I sat on my couch expressing my heart to my husband and trying to understand my own feelings towards my femininity and the way I am marginalized because of it.

I find that in most arenas in my life I am accepted as an equal of great value. Tragically, I find the one place I struggle with my femininity is inside the organized church. I am saddened to say, as a woman with gifts of teaching, shepherding and discernment I feel displaced in the structure of the American evangelical church. I remember telling a dear friend and mentor that if I were a man I would be a pastor, but because I am a woman I don't know what to do. The answer I have found is that I am welcome to use my gifts, for children and for other women. In short, in the current dynamic, don't speak to loudly and when you do make it palatable and super cute and easy to swallow.

As a woman in the church I have felt the pressure to follow my thirst for theology and practical Christ-like living to a certain point, but then to let the men in my life take over the teaching of these principles and the decision making as far as how those principles are to be administered.  I have received a subtle yet steady message not to teach, not to speak, not to think too hard in almost every way that doesn't have to do with my own children or "lesser" women.

This saddens me and to be truthful angers me. Mostly because this is not the dynamic I see in the teachings of Jesus and certainly not in the personal, one on one interaction of His body, which is the Church. So why then, does the inferiority of women sink its way into the hierarchical structure of the institution of the organized church? I think it is a deep misunderstanding of a few key verses and the omission of countless stories of women who helped form the lineage of Christ and the 1st century church.

How many times have you heard the story of Tamar, Jael, Rahab, Ruth, Phoebe and Tabitha? How often have you heard the stories of Mary and Martha told in another way besides how to "let go" as a hostess? When have you heard the stories of women with churches in their homes, women with a place among Jesus' disciples, those He loved and nurtured, or those who honored Him with their gifts? I hope you've heard these stories countless times! I've rarely heard them, only a handful of times from the front on a Sunday morning and NEVER spoken by a woman when men are present.

I don't want women to be in charge, only Jesus should be there. I just want women to be represented well in the Kingdom. I don't want women to get more playing time, just what is actually there in the scriptures for us to learn from. Women are an integral and dynamic part of God's plan for the world, just as much, not more than, not less than, men. The beauty of the creation of two genders was not a mistake, not an afterthought. The sexes together, in unity represent the beauty of God Himself. I think we loose some of that beauty when we take away the feminine voice in the church.

It is easy for me to become angry at this discrepancy in the organized church. That we say we are all equal, but when it comes to brass tacks the way we view women is lesser-than. However, I am reminded that anger is not a productive emotion. I am allowed to feel it, but unless given to Jesus, relinquished to Him, it only turns bitter. In giving my anger to God He has given me something else, empathy. What I have been asking for. He is showing me that feeling these emotions helps me connect with others. Through that connection He is making His Kingdom real to me and is strengthening the bonds of unity with women I have never met.

I have to imagine that if I feel this way about my womanhood in a very free and supportive environment, what must these women feel? Not only that, but how can I as a woman who lives this way reach out and support those who are marginalized not just in one or two ways, but in nearly every arena?! I don't know. I know that some of our tithe this month is going to buy menstrual cups. I know also that I will pray. I will pray for these women. Pray for their families. Pray for their communities, their teachers, their doctors, their men. I will pray for them, because prayer changes things. Prayer moves things.

I love that these revelations became a part of my thought process right before Martin Luther King Jr. Day. My respect and love for this man blossomed 10-fold as I realized that what he stood for is what I stand for and what every Christ follower should stand for. A world that is equal. Where people are seen as individuals. Where we love each other equally. Listen to each other equally. Value each other equally. A world where we look at each other as people who are distinct and unique and useful. I believe we are moving toward that, but we have some work to do. Not in anger or bitterness, but in the Spirit of unity that Jesus gives us because He loves us all.