This retreat was especially difficult for me as it was the first retreat I've been apart of since joining our church over a year ago. It was a huge step for me. HUGE. And it was scary.
Then we arrived. I felt pretty good. The first session started and our topic was revealed, "Wounds." Great. That doesn't sound vulnerable or raw or anything. Way to keep it light ladies. This was a topic I'd rather avoid because the source of my deepest wounding was pretty much exactly this same scenario. Vulnerability inside the church. Ouch...I'll just go home now, thanks.
On Saturday afternoon we were encouraged to take an hour of silence to reflect on the weekend and allow the Spirit to minister to us. As an external processor I began to clamor for ways to get around the silence mandate. However, since everyone seemed compliant to the request I was pretty sure I was not going to find a rule-breaker to consult with.
Before the session we were in was over I started thinking of ways to process and found myself meeting a character in my mind through which to write my story. This little sheep was sweet and special yet different and misunderstood. Immediately I knew her and she needed a name.
While final announcements were getting wrapped up I started thinking through what to call her. Margot? Katie? Mary? That seemed appropriate, but not quite right. Then like a flash I knew her name, Bridgette. Ummm, okay? Bridgette. It was clear this was her name. Suddenly I knew what to do with my free time. Find out who is Bridgette! After the session I gathered my things, found a comfy spot and typed "the meaning of the name Bridgette" into Google.
I don't know if you've ever experienced hearing the voice of the Spirit. Often times we hear His voice and we choose ignorance or second guess that this truly is the voice of God quickening our hearts. Most times we have to take what has been said to us on faith, we have to give ourselves over to the fact that the Spirit often speaks in indeterminate ways. Not this time, my friends!
Immediately the Spirit spoke through Bridgette to me. Bridgette is a French name that means Strength or Strong. This alone was worth naming my little lamb Bridgette. However, I also learned that the name Bridgette is a French version of the Celtic name Brigid who also just happens to be an Irish Saint.
Allow me to tell you her story...
Born to a Druid father and a slave mother, who may have been a Christian, Brigid found God on her own and gave her life to Christ. Her legend has it that after plucking out her own eye to avoid a marriage due to her disfigurement she replaced the eye and was miraculously healed.
After this incident Brigid went on to found the Monastery of Kildare (which means Sacred Oaks :: Isaiah 61:3) where, get this, men and women studied the word of God and lived in communion with God and each other. Here at the Monastery of Kildare many beautiful texts were written and a flame was kept burning by the women of the monastery. This flame was never stamped out and was said to have no ash though it was fueled by wood.
The Flame of Kildare was kept continually burning by the women of the monastery for 500 years until after the Reformation when religious authorities saw fit to extinguish the fire St. Brigid had so carefully kindled. This flame was not relit until 1993 and is now tended and kept burning in honor of St. Brigid of Kildare.
For me this story held so much significance. The Spirit spoke so powerfully to me of the worth and strength He has put not only inside of me but every woman - every human. More than that the Spirit reminded me of a truth He had spoken to me years ago, which is, Kingdom Equality is a value that cannot be ignored.
We have been sold the lie that Gender Equality as well as many other kinds of Equality are tricky inside the Kingdom. We have made up ways to allow people to feel less than and brand it as Biblical truth. We have twisted the giftedness of so many because we are afraid of offending someone.
Often, we are afraid of offending God. Even writing this makes me shudder. The thought that for my whole life I have made excuses for people telling me that the Gifts that God has given me are actually offensive to Him makes my heart ache.
I know this journey for me will continue...and that long blog posts tend to garner waning interest. So I will end with this excerpt from Isaiah 61:1-3, a prophecy to the people of Israel and truly the world, as I feel it so significantly sums up the way I feel about what the Spirit taught me this weekend.
"The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me,
Because the Lord has anointed and commissioned me
To bring good news to the humble and afflicted;
He has sent me to bind up the wounds of the brokenhearted,
To proclaim release from confinement and condemnation to the physical and spiritual captives
And freedom to prisoners,
2
To proclaim the favorable year of the Lord,
And the day of vengeance and retribution of our God,
To comfort all who mourn,
3
To grant to those who mourn in Zion the following:
To give them a turban instead of dust on their heads, a sign of mourning,
The oil of joy instead of mourning,
The garment expressive of praise instead of a disheartened spirit.
So they will be called the trees of righteousness [sacred oaks] strong and magnificent, distinguished for integrity, justice, and right standing with God,
The planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified."
*brackets mine
For those of you who are wondering, I did make friends this weekend. A lot of them. And all of them responded to my wounds not only with love but with healing.
They were the first to see the rough draft of Bridgette the Black Sheep.
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