Valentine

Today I saw your face.

Not only that I saw your arms and legs, all of you standing up, smiling at me, throwing me a peace sign.

You're big! You're healthy! You're strong!

Yesterday I didn't know how tall you were, today I know how many teeth you have; it's 24 by the way.

Today I know things about you I've only dreamed about. Things other moms take for granted. Things you don't think you even think about. I know what you eat, how you sleep, what your personality is like. It's exciting.

I realize something, though. Everything I know about you doesn't make me love you more. I realize this: all the love I have for you is already here, inside my heart. A new blossom unfolded today and it makes me wonder how many other flowers are on this branch of love. It makes me smile.

Today you're my little Valentine. It's the very best version of this holiday dedicated to love. It's the very best.

I can't wait to hold you. To kiss your cheeks. To love you in every real way that a mom loves her son. It's all here for you.

I love you, baby. I love you so much.

Good News and A Challenge

Today is an awesome day in our house! We received word that our Article 5 has been pulled and now we are simply waiting for a Consulate Appointment in order to set our Travel Date! We could not be more excited and to make things even better today we are launching our Chiaramonte Adoption T-shirt Campaign!

We would love for you to join our One Family and show your support for our adoption by purchasing a shirt and joining us in a fun social media challenge!

Head on over to BonfireFunds now through Sunday, Feb. 15 to pick up a shirt and then repost our link on your Facebook, Twitter and Instagram accounts and give us a shout out with #ChiaramonteAdoption #OneFamily. Invite your family and friends to support not only our adoption but also the adoption process of my brother-in-law and his wife, Chris and Sarah Chiaramonte.

As we have pushed forward with our adoption we have realized that God truly does see humanity as One Family. He desires for us to follow Him and calls us all His children. In a very real way Tony and I have been able to share that with his brother Chris and his wife Sarah and we are grateful to be raising funds alongside of them. We could not be more thrilled to see God bringing us together in this way and we would love for you to be a part of this awesome story that God is telling through our One Family!

Join us today! And when you receive your shirt snap a picture and post it on your social media accounts using our hashtags. It is our hope to compile a photo book for our kiddos that serves as a tangible reminder of the people they can all their tribe, their One Family!

What IF

Last night my friends and I gathered in the living room of our sweet friend to live stream an event that 10's of thousands of women in the world are participating in, IF:GATHERING. The event is hosted by a myriad of Christian thinkers, theologians and everyday people who are asking the question What IF?

The focus of this weekend's conference is Numbers 13-14, I know, super exciting! Numbers is not a book I usually camp out in. I'm not sure about you, sometimes I get the feeling that the Old Testament lost a little of it's relevance after Jesus, but I remember, the whole thing is about Him, especially this particular passage. In these chapters we see the story of the Promised Land. The Israelites have arrived at Canaan, they are excited, but they are terrified. After generations of, what to me is, unimaginable oppression, God has freed them. He has brought them through the dessert and dropped them at the gates of the place they are to thrive and flourish. The Kingdom of God should start, right here, in this place. Canaan.

There is just one problem. There is opposition. There are people there. There are fortifications in their way. There is already an established kingdom. Shouldn't they just move on to the millions of acres of open land somewhere out in the wilderness and set up their own Kingdom?! I honestly cannot fathom why no one in the Nation of Israel didn't suggest that "Hey, maybe we should just start our own thing." No, the response was, "we should have remained SLAVES! Let's go back to Egypt!"

In a revelation that the leaders of IF:GATHERING have clued into God is setting the stage for the greater narrative of humanity, and what they and I would say is the most disturbing trend of our 21st century church: letting the Kingdom of God halt its advance because another kingdom is already established. So many of us now know more than the Israelites, enough to say "I won't return to slavery", but all too many of us have said "Eh, there's already people here, let's just go off and start our own thing." Thankfully enough of us are tired of this separate status that what I heard last night was a voice in the dessert crying, "prepare ye the way of the LORD!"

During several of the talks last night the beginning of one verse kept reoccurring "Do not look to the left or to the right"... the rest of that verse continues "GO to the land I have commanded you". I didn't have to look this verse up, I have been living it for the last year, possibly more and I hope this is the anthem of my journey for the rest of my life. Originally manifest to Abraham, the land that God was talking about was the land that the Israelites were now standing in front of with knees knocking and chests quaking. No wonder Moses and Aaron fell prostrate before God and Joshua and Jephunneh tore their robes: the land that for centuries had been promised to them was being given up because 10 men of renown were saying "it's just too difficult."

If you don't see yourself in this story yet, I pray you ask God where you fall. The land that we are looking at is the same land that was promised to Abraham, not the physical land of Canaan, but the very real territory Jesus called the Kingdom of God. We are standing on the precipice of this land and because someone else has taken up residence there we have decided that the forward march is too hard. So we have set up camp in the open acres, where we can shield ourselves from the hurt, the pain, the reality of what is inside those gates and live happily ever after until the day that Christ returns. If someone wants to join us, they'll find their way here. If someone wants to leave, well, they probably don't understand us anyway.

What we don't realize, is that everything good that God has to give is inside those gates. And the very best thing of all, the Jesus, the Christ of whose return we anxiously await, He also is inside those gates! I have spent too many years outside of the land I have been promised begging God to be close to me, pleading with Him to be real, anguishing over the day He will save me from this body of death. All the time He has simply been saying, "walk through the gates."

At the beginning of the night the women who are leading IF:GATHERING all begged God to come near. On their knees they cried out to Him in front of us, and rightfully so. These are the words that we have to use as humans, the words we know and the constructs we are familiar with. However, I am struck with this, God is near. He is all around us. He is beckoning to us "come near to me." God doesn't need to move - we do. God doesn't need to show us Himself - we need to open our eyes. God doesn't have anything to prove - we simply have to have faith in what has already been accomplished.

It's time for us to wake up to the ideas that are being presented by these women who have experienced the bitterness of earthly pain and tasted the sweet honey of Heaven. It's time for us to take the gates, enter the land and live in freedom and peace and love. It's time for us to stop being afraid of the giants and the fortifications and it's time for us to start knocking down walls so the Kingdom of Heaven can invade this earth just as Jesus prayed at that Last Supper. If we truly believe that His Spirit resides in us how can we not pray as He did: "Your Kingdom come. Your will be done, on Earth as it is in Heaven."

Experiment 1: The Action of Empathy

* The Alive Project is a series of experiments based on the leading of the Holy Spirit to experience the daily life of another with the express purpose of acknowledging and understanding the heart of God towards His created order. 

For those of you following The Alive Project, this is the fourth post in the first experiment: Menstrual Cups. Little did I know when I made the decision to make a switch in my own personal hygiene practices that it would lead to real change in my heart and mind regarding my own femininity and the value of safe, effective, sustainable hygiene practices around the world.

The original article that jump started this journey for me has never been far from my heart and mind. In fact Sabrina Rubli's piece, "How Menstrual Cups are Changing Lives in East Africa" is the number one search result in my Google search option. Her insight to the life changing effect of cups in Kenya was compelling enough for me to make a switch and begin to discover a new side of myself and a new connection with women around the world.

In my discoveries based on the experiment I reached out to a friend I know who works at World Vision in Chicago. World Vision (WV) is an international partnership of Christians whose mission is to follow our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ in working with the poor and oppressed to promote human transformation, seek justice, and bear witness to the good news of the Kingdom of God. Tony and I already support the mission of WV and around the world and instead of reinventing the wheel, it was my desire to join them where they may be working in this field. The results of that initial Facebook message to my friend have been interesting and sent my heart on a new and exciting journey.

She did a little digging and sent me a four year old article from the Lunette Cup website detailing the specifics of a special holiday program Lunette and WV Finland ran in tandem in 2010. Together, Lunette and WV raised enough money to provide material for over 7,000 cloth pads to be made the women of Sook, Kenya to promote safer, more hygienic periods and provide a source of income for the women manufacturing the pads. As a result, women were gaining economic ground and continuing their educations, formerly abruptly ended by several factors including the onset of menses.

WV continued their efforts in Sook where they have seen countless women gain confidence and hope for their educational future. As a result, hundreds of women and men have begun to speak out against the cultural practice of Female Genital Mutilation, now outlawed in Kenya, but still regularly practiced in villages at the onset of menses before a woman is married. FGM involves the removal of the outer genitals and, among other things, signifies a young woman (as young as 12) is ready to be married, represents the end of her formal education, and presents trouble in child bearing.

WV has, for the past several years provided an escape for women trapped in the cycle of FGM propagated by their families, especially older women. WV has constructed an all girl school with dormitories for those who have been cast out by family members for the refusal of FGM. Women here are continuing their education and becoming active members of their communities. Men as well are beginning to note the dangers of FGM both physically and communally and have begun to speak out against the practice. WV's efforts in Sook, Kenya are changing the landscape for women and men, creating a more equal society reflective of the Kingdom of God.

The question all of this rises in my heart is this, where do I fit in? I have been in touch with one of the women at WV Finland working closely with this project and I am excited to understand more of how I can support WV's efforts, not only in Sook, but around the world as their program grows.

I have found that empathy not only encourages connection but it also spurs forward action. This is what I feel, in part, Jesus must have been talking about when He explained His overflow. What the writer of Proverbs expressed when he let us in on the wisdom that "out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks." Actions predicated on anything but Jesus' own love for His people will undoubtedly turn into something other than Kingdom glory. However, if our actions are flowing from the Love of Jesus welled up in our hearts then the Kingdom advances.

So, I find myself on a Kingdom journey. Seeking to understand how God views His people, not just women, but men and children. My desire is to understand how my heartbeat matches God's and march to that rhythm. I am honestly astounded the paths that this journey is taking, but I am loving walking through it as a member of God's holy priesthood, as member of His family, as a member of a humanity He cherishes.

If you would like more information on the mission and vision of World Vision please visit their website. For more on the work Lunette and World Vision have begun click here. Visit our Amazon Affiliate link at get your own Menstural Cups.

I will continue posting as the experiment moves forward and more ways to support safe feminine hygiene practices present themselves. In the meantime, why not start your own Alive Project? Here's a starting point: What is God calling you to that seems insignificant, but would radically change an aspect of your own life? Comment here and jump start your own journey in empathy, connection and coming Alive!

Experiment 1: Out of the shadows

* The Alive Project is a series of experiments based on the leading of the Holy Spirit to experience the daily life of another with the express purpose of acknowledging and understanding the heart of God towards His created order.  

Every girl is ashamed of their period. We are taught it is gross and unseemly and dirty. We are taught to hide it away to cover up all traces of it. Flush it, throw it away, in some situations BURN it. We are taught it is ugly. There is something about a cup on your counter that you can't ignore. For some reason, some how it is bringing my period out of the shadows for me. And along with my period it is bringing something of my personhood with it.

I have always been a firm believer in the equality of the sexes. I believe men and women were created with unique assets, and we live in compliment to one another. When working in tandem we represent a whole picture of the character of God and the working of His hands. What I have failed to realize is how unusual this idea really is and how affected our society, our world, even our churches are by the idea that women, in some way are inferior because of the structure of our bodies, our minds and our reproductive systems.

Researching the empowerment that the cup is bringing to women around the world I am excited for the future. Women who have been hidden away because of the shame of their period are now able to go to school, enter the workforce, provide for their families and generally go about daily life in vital ways that before they were unable to. Who are these women and what do they have to offer the world? I wonder with this change in the landscape of femininity around the world, what will the women of the world remind us we are capable of or where we need to be brought out of the shadows in our own corner of the world.

Around 2 days into the experiment I started to realize what the cup was doing for these women, and then I started to realize the liberation that may mean for them in the long run. It forced me to look at my own freedom as a woman and the limitations I have accepted from others based on my gender and to be honest, I got mad! I sat on my couch expressing my heart to my husband and trying to understand my own feelings towards my femininity and the way I am marginalized because of it.

I find that in most arenas in my life I am accepted as an equal of great value. Tragically, I find the one place I struggle with my femininity is inside the organized church. I am saddened to say, as a woman with gifts of teaching, shepherding and discernment I feel displaced in the structure of the American evangelical church. I remember telling a dear friend and mentor that if I were a man I would be a pastor, but because I am a woman I don't know what to do. The answer I have found is that I am welcome to use my gifts, for children and for other women. In short, in the current dynamic, don't speak to loudly and when you do make it palatable and super cute and easy to swallow.

As a woman in the church I have felt the pressure to follow my thirst for theology and practical Christ-like living to a certain point, but then to let the men in my life take over the teaching of these principles and the decision making as far as how those principles are to be administered.  I have received a subtle yet steady message not to teach, not to speak, not to think too hard in almost every way that doesn't have to do with my own children or "lesser" women.

This saddens me and to be truthful angers me. Mostly because this is not the dynamic I see in the teachings of Jesus and certainly not in the personal, one on one interaction of His body, which is the Church. So why then, does the inferiority of women sink its way into the hierarchical structure of the institution of the organized church? I think it is a deep misunderstanding of a few key verses and the omission of countless stories of women who helped form the lineage of Christ and the 1st century church.

How many times have you heard the story of Tamar, Jael, Rahab, Ruth, Phoebe and Tabitha? How often have you heard the stories of Mary and Martha told in another way besides how to "let go" as a hostess? When have you heard the stories of women with churches in their homes, women with a place among Jesus' disciples, those He loved and nurtured, or those who honored Him with their gifts? I hope you've heard these stories countless times! I've rarely heard them, only a handful of times from the front on a Sunday morning and NEVER spoken by a woman when men are present.

I don't want women to be in charge, only Jesus should be there. I just want women to be represented well in the Kingdom. I don't want women to get more playing time, just what is actually there in the scriptures for us to learn from. Women are an integral and dynamic part of God's plan for the world, just as much, not more than, not less than, men. The beauty of the creation of two genders was not a mistake, not an afterthought. The sexes together, in unity represent the beauty of God Himself. I think we loose some of that beauty when we take away the feminine voice in the church.

It is easy for me to become angry at this discrepancy in the organized church. That we say we are all equal, but when it comes to brass tacks the way we view women is lesser-than. However, I am reminded that anger is not a productive emotion. I am allowed to feel it, but unless given to Jesus, relinquished to Him, it only turns bitter. In giving my anger to God He has given me something else, empathy. What I have been asking for. He is showing me that feeling these emotions helps me connect with others. Through that connection He is making His Kingdom real to me and is strengthening the bonds of unity with women I have never met.

I have to imagine that if I feel this way about my womanhood in a very free and supportive environment, what must these women feel? Not only that, but how can I as a woman who lives this way reach out and support those who are marginalized not just in one or two ways, but in nearly every arena?! I don't know. I know that some of our tithe this month is going to buy menstrual cups. I know also that I will pray. I will pray for these women. Pray for their families. Pray for their communities, their teachers, their doctors, their men. I will pray for them, because prayer changes things. Prayer moves things.

I love that these revelations became a part of my thought process right before Martin Luther King Jr. Day. My respect and love for this man blossomed 10-fold as I realized that what he stood for is what I stand for and what every Christ follower should stand for. A world that is equal. Where people are seen as individuals. Where we love each other equally. Listen to each other equally. Value each other equally. A world where we look at each other as people who are distinct and unique and useful. I believe we are moving toward that, but we have some work to do. Not in anger or bitterness, but in the Spirit of unity that Jesus gives us because He loves us all.

Almost There!

It’s amazing how months of waiting can turn into a flurry of activity and suddenly you’re standing at the precipice and the only thing left to do is jump! That is where we find ourselves this morning.

After Christmas things started to pick up in the adoption process. Our I-800A sailed through as did our Visa processing. We then sent in our I-800 which we expected to take through January, if not into February, to complete. We found out last week that our 1-800 was processed by the 9th of January and was on it’s way to us. The next morning Tony received an email from the National Visa Center letter telling they had received a copy of our I-800 and we could continue our next step (something we were not expecting for another week)! On Martin Luther King Jr. Day Tony logged on and completed another form required for our kiddo’s Visa as we waited for our hard copy of our I-800 letter (since we knew it wouldn't come on a holiday, he decided to get ahead of the paperwork). The next day he sent what we had into our agency and we waited...like 10 minutes! Our team contacted us to let us know they had received a hard copy of our approval and they would gather the documents Tony had already sent, we would pay a bill and whoosh, we were done with paperwork!

Our Visas arrived super quickly! It felt like a huge day

You know that feeling you had after your last college final or after you signed your marriage license? That’s what it felt like looking at that email, “No need to do anything else! You’re done!” It’s an incredible feeling! I’m sure more for Tony than for me. He said to me last night he literally has no idea what to do with himself now that the paperwork is done.

He has worked tirelessly for almost a year to bring our child home. I am so grateful for a husband who is dedicated to this process and SO stinkin’ good at paperwork. A friend of mine commented how awesome it was our process has gone so smoothly and I had to sing the praises of Tony. Paperwork makes an adoption go ‘round and he has been spot on every document.

This is where my hard work starts. As soon as we received news we were close I started organizing clothes and shoes and started getting overwhelmed. How do you plan for a child you’ve never met? I know a birthday, a gender and very little else. How do you pack for 2 weeks in a foreign country with a child who is a practical stranger? Do I bring a size up or a size down? What size shoes? Do I need diapers or undies or pull-ups? Do I need bottles or baby food or both or neither? Do I need a stroller or a baby carrier? Should we keep JJ in a crib or will we need to move him to a toddler bed? 

JJ found the new bed and has been keeping it warm for his new brother!

Yesterday I got to ask my questions. Twenty of them. You moms out there can understand, 20 questions to get to know a child you have never met and will be bringing into a totally new environment is about 1 million questions too few! Mind you, the very first time we meet this child he will come home with us. No get-to-know-you seminar, no book of likes and dislikes. Just like in the hospital with your newborn, “here you go, you don’t know this kid, but you’ll be great.” - I hope they have really good hot beef sandwiches where we’re going, I think that’s how I got through my first 3 newborns!

So now, our agency will send off our packet to the Consulate, which should arrive by the end of this week or early next week. They will review it within two weeks and then pull what is called an Article 5. They will set up our Consulate appointment and call us with a travel date. A TRAVEL DATE! The next time we hear from our agency will likely be them telling us when we are getting on a plane!

I hope that we will be traveling in February, but Tony and I agree this is unlikely because of the Chinese New Year. It seems, finally, we have an end in sight. It’s exciting because our next step is not months away, it is weeks, maybe days away!

Last February Tony and I sat down and had what we dubbed our Dream Summit. We talked about the things we love and feel called to and what our lives would look like if we truly followed what God had put in our hearts. At the top of our list was ADOPT A CHILD. And here we are 1 year later. Our Dream Summit has completely changed our life. We have decided to say “YES” to what God has for us and we don’t regret it!

We are excited! I can honestly say I’m not even nervous, because I know God has this. He is the good parent! He loves our kiddo more than we can ever know, same as He loves us. God is so good to include us in His plans for the world. One person at a time, in love. He is restoring us all!

*If you would like to support us through prayer or help provide travel costs and other fees related to bringing home our child please visit YouCaring.com/chiaramonte! We would love for you to be a part of our support team!

Experiment 1: Choices

* The Alive Project is a series of experiments based on the leading of the Holy Spirit to experience the daily life of another with the express purpose of acknowledging and understanding the heart of God towards His created order.

Here's the thing. I have choices. I do not have to use this thing. This is what I'm thinking as I look down at these instructions:

This is totally my choice. No one is making me do this. I'm glad I didn't see this before I started:

I'm not a freaking rocket scientist you guys! This looks complicated. Nevermind the package directions also instruct me to "rotate the cup one full rotation once it is in place to ensure a proper seal against your cervix". Hubba, wha? I'm folding this thing, shoving it up my hoots and then twisting it until it SUCTIONS itself to me! Wait didn't that lady on Amazon say that's what she was going to the hospital for?!

I'm thinking about all my choices as I stand in my kitchen looking over this thing. I have a half a box of tampons in my cabinet. I think I just cleaned some postpartum pads out of my drawers. I could honestly just send my husband to the store on his way home. My choices are not menstrual cup or mud. My choices are menstrual cup and literally anything else in the known universe specifically made for collecting my period fluid and disposing of it nicely. Some of these methods do not even involve putting anything inside my body. That sounds good right now!

I'm starting to think I made a mistake. By the way, you cannot just send these things back. I'm glad you can't, that would not make me feel good about purchasing them. I am seriously considering my options. Then I realize that this is not WWIII. It is not the end of the civilized world. This is not some sort of political or religious movement, this is a little cup. Just do it.

So I breath deep, fold, and...it's not so...oh no...it is...it's good...yikes...no...oh there we go...hm...maybe, got it. Got it? Got it! Okay good. Stand up...ugh...guess it wasn't unfolded. Well, it is now. Wait and see I guess.

Let's be honest. This thing is taking some getting used to. I suppose any time you try something new it takes getting used to. I literally didn't use tampons until college because I couldn't figure them out. The margin for trial and error here is small. If you've got it right you know within two seconds of standing up, if you don't you're gonna have to sit back down. It's different getting used to this, but I think it will be worth it in the long run.

I am starting to realize something, though, by entering this process. I do have choices. I have a lot of choices. Like I said my choices are not mud or mattress pickings. My choices are not stay home from school or be ridiculed. My choices are not spend money on food or tampons. My choices are anything and everything.

okay, this is not a thing, but almost

 I can have ANYTHING I want in regards to my period. Anything! I want tampons, okay. I want pantyliners, sure. I want pads, just in case, no problem. I want chocolate, of course. I want my husband to get me some ice cream, and put the kids to bed, and rub my back while we watch the show I choose, check, check, and check. You want it, you got it! I am terribly spoiled. It doesn't make me bad, but it does make me hard.

I was going to say "soft", but I think that is so wrong. Getting what I want, having what I need is making me hard. It's solidifying me in my autonomy from the world. It's making me impenetrable to the suffering and heartache and true inconveniences of the world because, to me, there are no true obstacles (so I think). Having anything and everything I want for the incidentals of my life is making me entitled to them. It's making me angry when I don't get anything and everything I want in absolutely everything. Barf. The tendency to make these things all about me is so overwhelming it's sickening.

Time and again while trying to get this thing right I thought about what it must be like to be a 12-year-old girl in an outhouse trying to teach herself this before school. Wishing and hoping that it will work so that she can go and learn. I think about a mother receiving a menstrual cup and wondering if this will allow her to buy more food for her babies next month. I think about young girls with dreams and mud, trying to decide between humiliation and hygiene. It's gut-wrenching.

photo by Femme International

When confronted with my choices I am also confronted with the lack of choices for millions of women around the world. My sympathy wants to save them, my empathy wants to know them. I'd love to meet these women. Hear their stories. Ask them why they chose the cup. It seems so simple, trivial, dumb really. Yet it seems important. I'm sure their reasons are so fundamentally different from mine, but that choice unites us as women. It's a choice we all have to make.

It's a choice I'm glad I've made because I feel connected to these women. I don't know them. I haven't met them, but I know something about them. I have made a conscious choice to align myself with them. They matter to me because...well, simply, they matter. They always have, I'm just aware of it now.

This isn't the end of the experiment, in fact, it's only day 1. I feel as though I've learned so much, but once you know something you start to feel something, and once you start to feel something...watch out...